“My son asked me what our IP address was. I pointed to the toilet”
An "IP address" is very different from an "I pee" address, but there are jokes. "What does a geek call their toilet? IP Address" was posted on Twitter by tobyh on July…
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“Giant Meteor—Just end it already” (jocular presidential slogan)
"Giant Meteor -- Just end it already" is a jocular political slogan that has been printed on many images. "Giant Meteor 2016: Just end it already" was posted on Twitter by…
“Elect a clown, expect a circus”
"(If you) Elect a clown, expect a circus" is a political saying that has been printed on many images. "Obama meets with George Clooney instead. If you elect a clown, expect a…
“What music do planets listen to?”/“Neptunes.”
A planetary music riddle was posted on Twitter by Holly on August 10, 2012: Q: What kind of music do planets sing?A: Neptunes! A similar riddle was posted on Twitter by Bobby Amasha on October 8,…
“I watched my first porno today… I looked so much younger back then”
"I watched my first porno today... I looked so much younger back then" is a joke that has been printed on many images. The joke is that the person is not watching his/her first porn…
“Stay low, move fast, kill first, die last, one shot, one kill, no luck, pure skill” (motto)
"Stay low, go/move fast, kill first, die last, one shot, one kill, no luck, all/just/pure skill" is a military slogan that has been printed on many images. The saying -- which has several…
“I won my first cage fight last night. That parrot didn’t know what hit it”
"Cage fighting" doesn't involve bird cages, but there are jokes. "Won my first cage fight earlier today.... Fucking budgie never knew what hit it...." was posted on Twitter…
“Hit the gym” (to go to the gym to work out)
To "hit the gym" means to go to the gym (to work out) There are many other "hit" sayings; "hit the sack" and "hit the hay" both mean to go to bed, and…
“Home, Sweet Home”
"There's no place like home!" is one of the most famous of all American expressions. John Howard Payne (1791-1852) wrote these lyrics for "Home, Sweet Home" in the opera…
Mrs. Astor’s Plush Horse (Mrs. Astor’s Pet Horse)
Caroline Schermerhorn Astor (1830-1908) held at annual fancy dress ball at 842 Fifth Avenue. Her husband, William Backhouse Astor Jr. (1829-1892) was a racehorse breeder/owner. The term "Mrs.…
“What kind of music do planets sing?”/“Neptunes.”
A planetary music riddle was posted on Twitter by Holly on August 10, 2012: Q: What kind of music do planets sing?A: Neptunes! A similar riddle was posted on Twitter by Bobby Amasha on October 8,…
“Stay low, go fast, kill first, die last, one shot, one kill, no luck, all skill” (military slogan)
"Stay low, go/move fast, kill first, die last, one shot, one kill, no luck, all/just/pure skill" is a military slogan that has been printed on many images. The saying -- which has several…
“I’m such an expert on palmistry, I’ve written a handbook”
"Handbooks" are usually not about hands, but sometimes they are. "I'm quite the expert on palmistry, I've written a handbook" was posted on Twitter by sikjokes2011 on…
“Twitter is great if you can’t afford therapy but you also don’t want to get any better”
"Twitter is great if you can't afford therapy but you also don't want to get any better" is a Twitter saying that has been printed on several images. "RT @Home_Halfway:…
“A sports bra implies the existence of an academic bra”
There are sports bras, but is there an academic bra? "Burn the academic bra!" was posted on Twitter by Paige on March 22, 2017. "A sports bra implies the existence of an academic…
“A perfectionist walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A perfectionist version is: "A perfectionist walks into a bar. Apparently the bar…
“Never trust math teachers who use graph paper. They’re always plotting something”
People who use graph papers are always plotting something, or so the joke goes. "You should always be suspicious of people with graph paper. They're probably plotting something" was…
“Marijuana and coffee is my favorite combination. It’s the reason ice mocha lot of weed”
"Iced mocha" sounds like "I smoke a." "Iced smoke lot of weed" is a joke that has been printed on many images. Reddit -- JokesPosted by u/NoLightOnlyDarkness August 8,…
“The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has”
American humorist Will Rogers (1879-1935) spoke about the income tax in his newspaper column on April 8, 1923: "The Income Tax has made more Liars out of the American People than Golf has.…
“I see you have some graph paper. You must be plotting something”
People who use graph papers are always plotting something, or so the joke goes. "You should always be suspicious of people with graph paper. They're probably plotting something" was…