A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“Can anyone tell me what oblivious means? I have no idea” (7/21)
“Sundays were made for good coffee, good music, and being lazy with the people you love” (7/21)
“The people who currently own this world don’t care which ruler you choose. They care only that you keep choosing to be ruled” (7/21)
Entry in progress—BP96 (7/21)
Entry in progress—BP95 (7/21)
More new entries...

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“New rule: If I order my food standing up, I am not tipping”

“If your electric car runs out of power on the interstate, do you walk to a charging station to get a bucket of electricity?”

“Spent the morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday”

“I don’t rise and shine as much as I drag myself out of bed and drink a sh*t ton of coffee”

“Happiness is when you realize that you have an unopened bottle of wine at home”

Unitard (uniparty/uniform + leotard)

Unitard (uniparty + retard)

“Say what you will about the south, but no one retires and moves up north”

“Sun Chips imply the existence of Moon Chips”

“Ma’am, do you serve crackers?”/“Honey, we serve errybody.”

“Do you serve crackers?”/“We serve everybody.”

“Why do mornings begin so early?”

“Why do mornings have to start so early?”

“Why do mornings start so early?”

“Why do mornings have to begin so early?”

“Why do mornings have to be so early?”

“Why was the pitcher from the moon of Endor cut from the baseball team?”/“Ewoked every batter.”

“Can’t even rob Peter to pay Paul anymore… Peter ain’t got it either”

“I think I’m pretty smart until I’m asked to tap to pay for something- here? where? here? do it again? did that work?”

“A paper jam is the least appetizing of all the preserves”

“Paper jam is the least delicious of all preserves”

“May the 4th be with you. May the 5th be with tacos”

“May the 4th be with you. May the 5th be Cinco de Mayo”

“My friend was in a quiz and phoned me, ‘What’s the second largest state in the USA?’”

“May the 4th be with you” (Star Wars Day, May 4th)

“When you didn’t buy any snacks at the supermarket because you told yourself you need to stop snacking…”

“We can neither confirm nor deny that this is our first tweet” (CIA on Twitter, June 6, 2014)

“When the CIA joined Twitter, their first tweet said, ‘We can neither confirm nor deny that this is our first tweet’”

“The Founding Fathers weren’t concerned with specific types of weapons…”

“Our Founding Fathers weren’t concerned with specific types of firearms…”

“The Founding Fathers weren’t concerned about a certain type of weapon…”

“The Founding Fathers weren’t concerned about specific types of guns…”

“Soft taco, warm taco, little ball of meat. Happy taco, sleepy taco, eat, eat, eat”

“What do you call a cynical cow?”/“Sour cream.”

“I do enjoy playing ‘telekinetic snooker.’ However, you’ve got to be in the right frame of mind for it”

“Tea or coffee?” /  “Tea.” / “Wrong, it’s coffee.”

“Coffee or tea?” / “Tea.” / “Wrong, it’s coffee.”

“Coffee or tea?” / “Coffee.” / “Wrong, it’s tea.”

“Tequila is nasty, but after a couple of shots so am I”

“Tequila is nasty af, but after a few shots so am I”

“Cinco de mayo, rent, bills, Mother’s Day. Who put this got damn month together?”

“Cinco de mayo, RENT, teachers appreciation and Mother’s Day. Who put this got damn week together?”

“Rent, Bills, Cinco De Mayo, Mother’s Day, and Memorial Day weekend… Who Tf put this month together?”

“When you didn’t buy any snacks at the store because you told yourself you need to stop snacking…”

“Tea or coffee?” / “Coffee.” / “Wrong, it’s tea.”

“I’m an adult, and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want, and I wish someone would take this power from me”

“That’s basically how celebrity charity appeals work” (joke)

“This is how celeb charity appeals work” (joke)

“Have another booster shot and shut the fuck up”

“Being an adult is realizing that $1,000 is little money to have, but a lot to owe”

“Being an adult is realizing that $5,000 is a lot of money to owe and very little money to own”

“I don’t need to drink coffee to be awesome. I’m already awesome. But it’s more fun when I’m awesome and awake”

“Being an adult is realizing having $1,000 is not a lot of money, but owing $1,000 is”

“$1,000 isn’t a lot of money to have, but it is a lot to owe”

“Social media has taught me a couple things. First, there are some incredibly brilliant people in the world…”

“Social media has taught me two things. First, there are some incredibly brilliant people in the world…”

“Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of the neighbor’s house that no one likes”

“My body just asked for water and I gave it iced coffee because nobody tells me what to do”

“My body just asked for water and I gave it beer because nobody tells me what to do”

“My body just asked for water and I gave it a Red Bull because nobody tells me what to do”

“My body just asked for water and I gave it a chocolate because nobody tells me what to do”

“My body just asked for water and I gave it a cookie because nobody tells me what to do”

“My body just asked for water and I gave it coffee because nobody tells me what to do”

“My body just asked for water and I gave it a mini donut because nobody tells me what to do”

“I went to a meeting of recovering hackers. It was called Anonymous Anonymous”

“A voting booth is just a gloryhole that you’re on the wrong end of”

“Sometimes I just want to take my three dollars and run away”

“Why does inclusiveness include everything except conservative views?”

“Why does inclusiveness include everything except opposing views?”

“Unless you’re music, I don’t wanna listen to you in the morning”

“Took my own lunch to work and didn’t buy a coffee today so I should be able to afford to buy a house any day now”

“Unless you’re music, I don’t want to listen to you in the morning”

“What was the hackers’ rehabilitation meeting called?”/“Anonymous Anonymous.”

“Sometimes I just want to grab my 3 dollars and run away”

“Sometimes I just want to grab my 7 dollars and run away”

“I’m thinking about getting a pet to take jogging with me. Maybe a turtle”

“Getting offended by something posted on the internet is like choosing to step in dog shit instead of walking around it”

“Big Apple” (painting by Vladimir Kush, 2024)

“I hate it when TV shows say they contain ‘adult situations’ but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills…”

“Fast food restaurants need a third window where you can trade in all the wrong food they gave you at the second window”

“McDonald’s should have a 3rd window, where you can trade in all the wrong shit they gave you at the second window”

“Fast food restaurants should have a third window where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window”

“Rotate my tires? I rotate them every time I drive!”

“Too tired to work. Too poor to quit. Too old for a sugar daddy. Too fat to strip”

“Too young to retire. Too poor to quit. Too fat to strip”

“Too young for retirement. Too poor to quit. Too fat to strip”

“Went to the hospital to get a suspicious mole checked. Apparently they all look like that and I should’ve just left it in its hole”

“I went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole. He said they all look that way and I should have left him in the garden”

“When YouTube plays an unskippable ad but you look away so they don’t win”

“Only the weakest of males want to physically compete with women. Only the weakest of intellect celebrate them”

“I couldn’t get my fridge to work this morning, so I took the bus instead”

“If the government has enough money to give to foreign countries…”

“Them: Show me proof.” / “Me: *Sends proof*” / “Them: You’re a conspiracy theorist!”

“Some call it multitasking. I call it doing something else while I try to remember what I was doing in the first place”

“It’s pretty crazy how there’s an entire profession we have to make wear body cameras because they lie so much”

“Some call it multitasking, but I call it doing something else until I remember what I was doing in the first place”

“Studying abroad: Spending months in another country. Studying a broad: Spending months Facebook stalking Ashley”

“I got arrested for studying abroad. The police called it stalking”

“I got arrested for studying abroad. Stalking is what the judge prefers to call it”

“We should legalize marijuana in every state and use the revenue to fix all the highways and roads. We’ll call it Operation Pot Hole”

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