“Acting is living truthfully under imaginary circumstances”

“The foundation of acting is the reality of doing”

“Stop making drama, you’re not Shakespeare”

“Stop making dramas, you’re not Shakespeare”

“Theater is a verb before it is a noun, an act before it is a place”

Tridemic (flu + RSV + COVID)

“I only saw Act I. The program said ‘Act II, same as Act I,’ but I didn’t want to see it over again”

Flurona (flu + coronavirus)

“My new shadow puppet theater could make millions, but that’s just projected figures”

“I only saw Act I. The program said ‘Act II, one year later,’ and I couldn’t wait that long”

“When emotions are too strong for words, sing. When emotions are too strong for song, dance”

“You can’t make a Hamlet without breaking eggs”

“You can’t make a Hamlet without breaking egos”

“You can’t make a Hamlet without breaking legs”

“‘Break a leg’ dates back to Shakespeare, because you can’t make a Hamlet without breaking legs”

“When you’re too emotional to talk, you sing. When you’re too emotional to sing, you dance”

“I put Jesus on my background pic and now my phone never dies. Yup, he’s my screen-savior”

“If ever you’re feeling sad, just go for a run…” (joke)

“I was feeling bad about my code so I went outside and take a run…” (joke)

“I made it so Jesus comes up on my laptop if I leave it alone for 5 minutes. He is my screen savior”

“Why was the potato coughing?”/“He had tuber-culosis.”

“Why did the potato cough up blood?”/“Because it had tuber-culosis.”

“‘I’m leaving Twitter’ is the new ‘I’m moving to Canada’”

“Coffee keeps me off the naughty list”

Money Note

Two Dow Shay (two show day)

Showmance (show + romance)

“Booked and blessed”

Parking and Barking (singing with limited theatrical movement)

Screlting (screaming/screeching + belting)

“Blessed and booked”

“Booked, blessed and busy”

“Booked, busy and blessed”

“Busy, booked and blessed”

“Busy, blessed and booked”

“Blessed, busy and booked”

“Blessed, booked and busy”

2 Dow Shay (two show day)

“Thank you, five” (“Thank you, 5”)

“Thank you, 5” (“Thank you, five”)

“The ghost walks” (theater salaries are paid)

Ghost Light

“Gatorade is a drink for both world class athletes and hungover drunks…”

“Gatorade is a drink for either world-class athletes, hungover drunks, or folks with a colonoscopy”

“Alphabet spaghetti on toast is delicious. Spread the word”

“Instead of alphabet spaghetti, they should make alphabet butter. Spread the word”

Twenty-Minute Actor (vaudevillian)

Screlt (scream/screech + belt)

Screlter (screamer/screecher + belter)

“Help! I’m having a coincidence!!”

“I take my coffee with two scoops of it’s too early for this shit and a splash of zip it until noon”

Stand and Deliver (singing with limited theatrical movement)

“Dear Santa, I was naughty and it was worth it. You fat judgemental bastard”

“Support your local anything”

“If the truth makes you uncomfortable, don’t blame the truth. Blame the lie…”

“I went to an acting class and a soccer game broke out”

“My rights are not up for negotiation because of your feelings”

“Author! Author!” (audience shout)

“Today’s forecast calls for a 100% chance of coffee!”

“When the truth comes out, don’t ask me how I knew. Ask yourself why you didn’t”

“Today’s forecast: 100%  chance of coffee”

“I went to a drama class and a soccer game broke out”

“Entre más peligroso es el barrio, más rico saben los tacos”

“My rights are not subject to your feelings”

“The more dangerous the neighborhood, the better the tacos”

Corpse (unintended and uncontrolled laughter on stage)

Off Book

“Where do porn stars go to college?”/“Fuck U.”

“My freedom doesn’t end where your fear begins”

“My rights don’t end where your feelings begin”

“Where do pornstars go to school?”/“F. U.”

“Where do belly buttons go to school?”/“The naval academy.”

Chookas (“good luck” in Australian theatre)

Going Up (forgetting lines)

Mr. Sands (code name used in a theater)

Shawam or Shawham (dance move)

5000 or M5 (dance move)

“My rights don’t end where your fear begins. So go fuck yourself”

“Our rights don’t end where your fear begins”

Shablam (dance move)

SRO (Standing Room Only)

“My rights don’t end where your fears begin”

OBC (Original Broadway Cast)

“Our rights don’t end where your fears begin”

“Our freedom doesn’t end where your fear begins”

Shawham or Shawam (dance move)

Death Drop or Deathdrop (dance move)

OCR (Original Cast Recording)

BRC (Broadway Revival Cast)

NBC (New Broadway Cast)

OOBCR (Original Off-Broadway Cast Recording)

OLC (Original London Cast)

OLCR (Original London Cast Recording)

OBCR (Original Broadway Cast Recording)

OOBC (Original Off-Broadway Cast)

OST (Original Sound Track)

CSR (Complete Symphonic Recording)

Floperetta (flop + operetta)

Take-Home Tune

“Jingle bell rock implies the existence of jingle bell ska”