“The Vatican police speak pig Latin”

Big Apple (supper club near Buffalo, NY, 1945-1976)

Big Apple Connect (free high-speed internet and basic cable TV, 2022)

“Based on my calculations, I can retire about 5 years after I die”

“Look, I’m all for coloring books, but connect-the-dots? That’s where I draw the line”

“I hate connect-the-dot puzzles. That’s where I draw the line”

“What language do police officers speak?”/“Coptic.”

“Twitter is my morning newspaper”

“Save your tears for your pasta water”

“Anarchy doesn’t mean chaos or disorder, it means freedom from an oppressive centralized authority”

“Looks like my muffin top is turning into a pound cake”

“Remember when the colonists stood in line to register their muskets? Me neither”

“Anarchy doesn’t mean chaos or disorder. It means freedom from an oppressive centralised authority”

“That awkward moment when you’ve realized your muffin top has now become a pound cake”

“Today, I woke up and realized my muffin top has become a pound cake”

“My muffin top is now a pound cake”

“The revolution will be memed”

“In terms of money, I have no money”

“In terms of money, we have no money”

“Not to brag, but I’m really good at tequila”

“When did my muffin top turn into a 5-layer cake?”

“Fifty female pigs plus fifty male deer equals one hundred sows and bucks”

“Instead of a condom, I carry a moist towelette in my wallet. I run into chicken wings more often”

“It’s officially ‘wear a sweater in the morning and regret it in the afternoon’ weather”

“Life needs more beer, bonfires and less drama”

“It’s officially that ‘wear a sweater in the morning regret it in the afternoon’ type of weather”

“My fall look this year is drinking my coffee on an empty stomach & visibly shaking until lunch”

“Fall vibe: drinking too much coffee on an empty stomach & visibly shaking til dinner”

“Instead of a condom, I carry a towelette in my wallet. The odds of me finding chicken wings…”

“Stop killing bulls to make Red Bull” (fake protest sign)

“The problem with close-minded people is that their mouths are always open”

“Not to brag, but I’m really good at drinking beer”

“Me flirting: If you were a cheeto, you’d be a hot cheeto”

“The gender neutral term for sugar daddy is fructose financer”

“Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s most likely where you left your car”

“I’m so glad I was taught how to play the recorder at school….” (joke)

“I like cities, and New York is the only real city-city” (Truman Capote)

“I am a professional counterfeiter. I even have the certificates to prove it”

“Hallmark shows how to fall in love with men. Lifetime shows you how to kill them”

Big Apple Diner (Whitehall, NY, 1987-present)

Big Apple (supper club near Buffalo, NY, 1945-1976)

“The Income Tax: The fine you pay for the crime of being useful and productive”

“Taxes are the fines one pays for the crime of being useful and productive”

“Income Tax: The fine you pay for the crime of being productive and useful”

“Energy = Milk x Coffee (squared)”

“One good thing about apples is that they don’t make you go through a lot of drama…”

“Income taxes are the fine one pays for the crime of being useful and productive”

Big Apple Diner (Whitehall, NY, 1987-present)

“When they say democracy, they mean liberalism. When they say unite, they mean comply”

“To be hated for loving freedom has been the weirdest experience of my life”

“Roses are red. Mondays are hard. I’m not good at poetry. Coffee”

“The problem with closed-minded people is that their mouths are always open”

“That’s what I do. I drink coffee. I hate people and I know things”

“Income tax is the fine you pay for thriving so fast”

“The problem with close-minded people is that their mouth is always open”

“Americans are getting stringer. 20 years ago, it took two adults to carry $50 worth of groceries”

“Income Tax: The fine you pay for thriving too fast”

“The problem with closed-minded people is that their mouth is always open”

“Roses are red. Violets are blue. Mondays are hard. I need coffee”

“Roses are red. Mondays are hard. I’m bad at poetry. Coffee”

Jewdiciary (Jew + judiciary)

“Roses are red. Mondays are hard. I suck at poetry. Caffeine”

“Roses are red. Coffee is brown. Poems are hard. Coffee”

“Roses are red. Coffee is black. Poems are hard. Coffee”

“Roses are red. Mondays are hard. I suck at poetry. Coffee”

“Roses are red. Violets are blue. Coffee is brown”

“Roses are red. Violets are blue. Poems are hard. Coffee”

“Roses are red. Coffee is black. Poems are hard. Give me my damn coffee”

“Roses are red. Mornings are hard. I suck at poetry. Coffee”

“Binary star systems imply the existence of non-binary star systems”

“That’s what I do. I drink wine. I hate people and I know things”

“Don’t applaud—just throw cash”

Big Apple (brand of Schwalbe bicycle tires, 2003-present)

“The pawns in chess are gender fluid”

Center for Disease Crimes (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Heated Canine (jocular term for “hot dog”)

Buffalo: Bison City (nickname)

“Your meme has just entered the meme relocation program”

“That’s what I do. I drink beer. I hate people and I know things”

“Don’t applaud—just throw money”

“Don’t clap—just throw money”

“No applause—just throw money”

“Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it’s off to the kitchen I go. To grab a cup and fill it up. Heigh-ho, heigh-ho”

Firemelon (fire + melon; jocular formation after “watermelon”)

Airmelon (air + melon; jocular formation after “watermelon”)

Elemelons (elements + melons; watermelon, firemelon, earthmelon, airmelon)

“If there’s watermelon, shouldn’t there be earthmelon, firemelon, and airmelon? The elemelons”

Earthmelon (earth + melon; jocular formation after “watermelon”)

Buffalo: “Buffalo. For Real” (slogan)

“The only good substitute for a cup of coffee is two cups of coffee”

“I know a bunch of good puns about umbrellas but they usually go over people’s heads”

“The only good substitute for coffee is two coffees”

“The only good substitute for a coffee is two coffees”

“Two wrongs don’t make it right, but two margaritas usually do”

“I know a lot of clever jokes about umbrellas, but they usually go over people’s heads”

“I know a bunch of good jokes about umbrellas, but they usually go over people’s heads”

“May your morning coffee give you the strength to make it to your mid-morning coffee”

“Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two margaritas usually do”

“Stop animal testing! They get really nervous and give the wrong answers”