“A cactus is a violent cucumber”

“Crunchy peanut butter is just peanut butter with pulp”

“We are being told to line up our children to get something that might kill them…”

“Unvaxxed sperm is the next Bitcoin”

“Unvaccinated sperm is the new Bitcoin”

“Clean sperm is the new Bitcoin”

“Unvaxxed sperm is the new Bitcoin”

“Every drug recalled by the FDA was once approved by the FDA”

“Every drug recalled by the FDA was first deemed ‘safe and effective by the FDA”

“Chunky peanut butter is just peanut butter with pulp”

“Every drug that has been recalled by the FDA was first proven to be ‘safe and effective’”

“Unvaccinated sperm is the next Bitcoin”

Conspiravirus (conspiracy + coronavirus)

“What does an incoherent turkey say?”/“Garble! Garble! Garble!”

“A goose walks into a bar…” (bar joke)

“The next pandemic—driven by a virulent conspiravirus. We’ll need to go into a Facebook lockdown”

Lolbert (LOL + libertarian); Lolbertarian

“We can no longer call a 30 day ban Facebook jail. It must now be referred to as Metapause”

Lolbertarian (LOL + libertarian); Lolbert

“Due to inflation and food price increases, the 5 second rule has been extended to 10 seconds”

Most Effective Devil In America (“media” backronym)

“Do sharks complain about Monday? No. They’re up early, biting stuff, chasing shit, being scary..”

“I’m really getting into the Thanksgiving spirit. I’ve already given the bird to lots of people”

“The Great Resist. They will own nobody and they will be unhappy”

“You stay compliant. I’ll stay defiant”

“Every city, every town, burn the precincts to the ground” (anti-police protest chant)

“You stay safe. I’ll stay free”

“The Constitution actually says you can legally overthrow your government if they are tyrannical”

“Don’t forget to set your scales back 10 pounds tonight”

“Don’t forget to turn your bathroom scales back 15 pounds Wednesday night at 1am for Thanksgiving”

“Every city, every town, burn the precinct to the ground” (anti-police protest chant)

“We’re not from the left or right. We’re from the bottom and we’re coming for those on top”

Penguine or Penguini (penguin pasta)

“Plumbers sing in a faucetto”

“That twenty in the gas tank ain’t twentying like it used to” (inflation joke)

“Vaxism is the new racism”

Great Resist

“How can you tell if a guy singing karaoke is a plumber?”/“By how he uses his fauceto.”

“What’s a killer whale’s favorite pasta?”/“Penguine.”

Penguini or Penguine (penguin pasta)

“Before I got married, I didn’t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge”

“Bugs Bunny won’t accept any files through WeTransfer or Google Drive. Use a WhatsApp doc”

“If anybody wants a list of all famous Bugs Bunny quotes, I can send it to you as a WhatsApp doc”

“Why did the snowman pull down his pants?”/“Because he heard a snow blower coming.”

“Vaccism is the new racism”

“Why did the snowman pull down his pants?”/“Because he saw the snowblower coming.”

“What do pro-vaxxers and anti-vaxxers have in common?”/“They’ll never be fully vaccinated.”

“Vacism is the new racism”

“I tried to send Bugs Bunny a file through Google Drive, but he only accepts a Whatsapp doc”

“I never used to warm up my Thanksgiving leftovers, but then I quit cold turkey”

“Vaxxism is the new racism”

“Instant coffee is just dirty water”

“What is a ghost pirate’s favorite drink?”/“Boo tea.”

“I said to the waitress, ‘What’s the duck like?’ She said, ‘Like a chicken, but it can swim.’”

“Coffee is just dirty water with caffeine in it”

“Decaf coffee is just dirty water”

“Decaffeinated coffee is just dirty water”

“Iced coffee is cold dirty water”

“Coffee is just dirty water with drugs in it”

“Coffee is just hot dirty water”

“Coffee is just dirty water”

“Turducken is the Russian nesting doll of holiday meals”

“The cure for everything but death” (black seed oil or Nigella Sativa)

“Show me Thanksgiving leftovers in the garbage and I’ll show you a man who quit cold turkey”

“What do they call a turducken in Russia?”/“Russian nesting fowls.”

“Mandate vegetables”

“When you heat up leftovers from Thanksgiving, you’re quitting cold turkey”

“The cure for everything except death” (black seed oil or Nigella Sativa)

“Turducken is the matryoshka doll of meats”

“I used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers. I had to quit cold turkey”

“I consider myself a moral person. That’s why I only eat turkeys that have exhausted appeals”

“What do you call a cheap vampire?”/“Discount Dracula.”

“Conspiracy Theorist: Someone who questions the statements of known liars”

“They divide with fear. We unite with courage”

“Tablets were replaced by scrolls. Scrolls were replaced by books…”

“What is a Texas chicken’s favorite beer?”/“Shiner Bock Bock Bock!”

“What do you call a coupon-using vampire?”/“Discount.”

“What do you call a vampire on sale?”/“Discount Dracula.”

“Why do I hate drinking coffee in front of the mirror?”/“Because of my ugly mug.”

“What is a chicken’s favorite beer?”/“Bock.”

“What do you call a vampire who does his shopping on Black Friday?”/“Dis-Count.”

“Gin and Tonic (noun)—magic water for fun people”

Social Media Redistribution Agency (SMRA)

“Don’t think of yourself as a meme thief. The official title is Social Media Redistribution agent”

“Tequila (noun)—magic water for fun people”

“May your Monday be asshole, fucktard, douchebag, asshat, twatface & motherfucker free!”

“Bourbon (noun)—magic brown water for fun people”

“May your Monday be asshole, fucktard, douchebag, moron, twatface and motherfucker free!”

“It’s only turkey if it’s from the farm region of Turkey. Otherwise, it’s sparkling chicken”

“Cabbage: the age of a taxi”

“Whiskey (noun)—magic brown water for fun people”

“Beer (noun)—magic water for fun people

“Cannibals will never go hungry. They can always make themselves a snack”

“How do you know when someone is a Bitcoin enthusiast?”/“Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.”

“How do you know if someone is holding cryptocurrency?”/“Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.”

“English and Maths were my 3 bestest subjects in school”

“Morning forecast: Slightly exhausted with 100% chance of needing coffee”

“How do you know if someone invests in crypto?”/“Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.”

“Two immigrants order hot dogs. One asks, ‘What part did you get?’”

“My body used to be a temple. Now it’s a combination of a liquor store & a Mexican restaurant”