A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I care what anyone thinks of me” (5/27)
“I’ll eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a shit about your opinion of me” (5/27)
“I’ll eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a damn about your opinion of me” (5/27)
“I’ll eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a fuck about your opinion of me” (5/27)
“I’ll eat a bowl of water with a fork before I GAF about your opinion of me” (5/27)
More new entries...

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“Why do we paint Easter eggs?”/“Because it’s easier than trying to wallpaper them.”

“Why was the little girl sad after the race?”/“Because an egg beater.”

“How do you know that carrots are good for your eyes?”/“Have you ever seen rabbits wearing glasses?”

“An income tax form is like a laundry list—either way you lose your shirt”

“What sport are eggs good at?”/“Running.”

“What sport are eggs good at?”/“Running.”

“How did the eggs leave the highway?”/“They went through the ‘eggs-it’.”

“How did the eggs leave the highway?”/“They went through the ‘eggs-it’.”

“How many personal-injury lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?” (lawyer joke)

“Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning”

“What happened to the Easter Bunny when he misbehaved at school?”/“He was eggspelled.”

“Where does Christmas come before Easter?”/“In the dictionary.”

“Why is Easter like whipped cream and a cherry?”/“Because it’s always on a sundae.”

“I wanted to buy a half a rabbit, but the butcher didn’t want to split hares”

“What kind of beans don’t grow in a garden?”/“Jelly beans.”

“Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs?”/“From eggplants.”

“What does the Easter bunny order at a Chinese restaurant?”/“Hop suey.”

“What did one depressed rabbit say to the other?”/“Do you even carrot all?”

“Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a joke?”/“It might crack up.”

“How can you find the Easter bunny?”/“Eggs (x) marks the spot.”

“What Chinese food is always eaten on Easter?”/“An egg roll.”

“Why did the Easter egg hide?”/“He was a little chicken.”

“What do you call a mischievous egg?”/“A practical yolker.”

“I’m giving up drinking for Lent and giving up Lent for St. Patrick’s Day”

“Easter is the only time when it’s perfectly safe to put all your eggs in one basket”

“Another egg-scuse for chocolate”

Easter Eggstravaganza (eggs + extravaganza)

“Why did the rabbit cross the road?”/“Because the chicken had his Easter eggs!”

“Why did Jesus cross the road?”/“Because he was nailed to the chicken.”

“When Jesus is born, I get presents. When Jesus dies, I get chocolate”

“Did Jesus pay for our sins with cash or credit? He used PrayPal”

“Easter egg hunts prove that your child can find things when they want to”

“Follow the bunny. He has the chocolate”

“No talkie before coffee” (“No talky before coffee”)

“Where does Easter come before Valentine’s Day?”/“In the dictionary.”

“I’m combining Easter and April Fools’ Day. I’m sending the kids to look for eggs I haven’t hidden”

“How do you make Easter easier?”/“Replace the t with an i.”

“Why does the Easter bunny drink beer?”/“To get his hops.”

“Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes?”/“In a pellet court.”

“How does Easter end?”/“With the letter R.”

“How do bunnies stay in shape?”/“Hareobics.”

“How do you know when you’re eating rabbit stew?”/“When it has hares in it.”

“To stay healthy this spring I’m only going to eat the white part of the Cadbury’s Creme Eggs”

“My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper”

“Fight mouthwash. Eat garlic”

“FriEND BestfriEND BoyfriEND GirlfriEND Garlic bread. Only garlic bread has no END”

Jelly Bean

“You know what I mean, jelly bean?” (YKWIMJB)

“What is Peter Pan’s favorite fast food restaurant?”/“Wendy’s.”

“I’m rubber and you’re glue. She’s tape. He’s a stapler. All my friends are office supplies”

“From shit to fit” (fitness saying)

“From fit to shit” (fitness saying)

“What’s a pretzel’s favorite dance?”/“The Twist.”

“What’s a pretzel’s favorite dance?”/“The Twist.”

“How do you tell if a person is a level-headed country boy?”/“Snuff runs out of both sides.”

“These pretzels are making me thirsty”

“A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously”

“Statistics are to baseball what a flaky crust is to Mom’s apple pie”

“The only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other liars”

“You can tell a lot about a fellow’s character by the way he eats jelly beans”

“Time goes by fast when you’re avoiding homework”

“Dear homework, you’re not attractive and I’m not doing you”

“I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved”

“If sleep is so important, then why does school start so early?”

“Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business again”

“Homework: Because 7 hours of school wasn’t enough”

“I do my best proofreading after I hit ‘send’”

“We breathe air. Trees make air. Homework kills trees. Homework is killing us”

“How do chickens dance?”/“Chick to chick.”

“I’m not fat—my stomach is just in 3D”

“Yo mama is so fat, people jog around her for exercise”

“Yo mama is so fat, she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says, `OK!’”

“If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel”

“If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel”

“A fat person doesn’t eat what’s right, but eats what’s left”

“You never hear skinny people saying, ‘I’m just small boned’”

“The bicycle is a curious vehicle. Its passenger is its engine”

“Put the fun between your legs” (cycling saying)

“Let’s have a moment of silence for all those stuck in traffic on their way to the gym”

“Bike to work. Bike to play. Bike tomorrow. Bike today!”

“I don’t have a bucket list but my bikeit list is a mile long”

“OCD—Obsessive Cycling Disorder”

“Most bicyclists in New York City obey instinct far more than they obey the traffic laws”

“When in doubt, pedal it out”

“Motherhood: powered by love, fueled by coffee, sustained by wine”

“Good moms let you lick the beaters. Great moms turn them off first”

“Why is ground beef so popular?”/“Because the flying cows are really hard to catch.”

“A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people…”

“If you wait long enough to make dinner, everyone will just eat cereal.  It’s science”

“Men make counterfeit money; in many more cases, money makes counterfeit men”

“Don’t forget to pick up wine for Mother’s Day. After all, you are one of the reasons she drinks”

“When I said ‘nuke the Chinese,’ I meant put the takeout in the microwave”

“Raisins are just elderly grapes”

“I saw a family of raisins in the bank today.  They were opening a currant account!”

“Every box of raisins is a tragic tale of grapes that could have been wine”

“Wine flies when you’re having fun”

“Time flies when you’re having fun”

“Novinophobia: The fear of running out of wine”

“Is it still considered wine tasting if I’m on my third glass?”

“If I go missing, put my photo on a wine bottle so my friends will know to look for me”

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