A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“Somewhere between a donut and a juice cleanse” (7/13)
“Somewhere between a doughnut and a juice cleanse” (7/13)
Entry in progress—BP47 (7/13)
Entry in progress—BP46 (7/13)
Entry in progress—BP45 (7/13)
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“Vote blue, no matter who”

“What’s worse than 9/11?”/“311.”

“How do you make hard cider?”/“Put it in the freezer.”

“Why do the French have so many civil wars?”/“So that they can win one.”

“It’s impossible to predict the past” (joke)

“Instant asshole—just add alcohol” (“Instant jackass—just add alcohol”)

“If it’s flooded, forget it” (driving on flooded streets)

“If you believe in 12.5% of the Bible you’re an eighth theist”

“Whoa, Nellie!” (“Whoa, Nelly!”)

“It’s just a job. I beat people up” (boxing)

“Statistics are just people’s stories with the tears wiped away”

“I got hit with a can of soda. Fortunately, it was a soft drink”

“Pigs can fly…They just gotta pay for two seats”

“I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work”

“I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble pieces” (joke)

“The will must be stronger than the skill”

“What do you call a bakery staffed entirely by men?”/“A pastryarchy.”

Cutchogue: “Sunniest Place in New York State” (slogan)

“Boxing is a lot of white men watching two black men beat each other up”

“If they can make penicillin from moldy bread, you can become something”

“Boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other”

“If you even dream of beating me, you’d better wake up and apologize”

“So fast, I turned off the light in my hotel room and was in bed before it was dark”

“What did one strawberry say to the other?” (joke)

Texit (Texas + exit)

“What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?”/“Taller.”

“Hit and don’t get hit” (boxing axiom)

“How do you cook kidneys?”/“Boil the piss out of them.”

“What do you call a cold burrito?”/“A brrrrrrito.”

“Doc, I’m addicted to Twitter!”/“Sorry, I don’t follow you.”

“A belt made of dollar bills would be a waist of money”

“What room can you not enter?”/“A mushroom.”

Sawdust Trail (Sawdust Circuit)

“Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor”

“What is the difference between a hungry man and a glutton?” (riddle)

“What do cannibals put in their soup?”/“Ramen.”

“Where are average things built?”/“In the satisfactory.”

“What has one horn and gives milk?”/“A milk truck.”

“What did one worm say to the other?”/“I’m moving to the Big Apple!”

“Vacation calories don’t count” (“Calories don’t count on vacation”)

“How do you make a cheeseburger sad?”/“Make it with blue cheese.”

“A diplomat is a person who can be disarming even though his country isn’t”

“The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work”

“The fat, alcoholic transvestite just wanted to eat, drink and be Mary”

“The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work”

Saratoga: Big Apple (New York racing circuit including the Saratoga Race Course)

Belmont Park (cocktail)

“This vehicle protected by anti-theft sticker” (bumper sticker)

“You can’t fake desperation (sports adage)

“Don’t pay for saves” (fantasy baseball adage)

“The best pass defense is a good pass rush” (football adage)

“God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things…”

“There is no education in the second kick of a mule”

“You can get more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word”

“How do weathermen get up a mountain?”/“They climate.”

“There is no education in the second kick of a mule”

“Watching too much television gives you square eyes” (Square-eyed)

“Can you use ‘Mountain Dew’ in a sentence?” (“Mount and Do” pun)

“Why are horses always so fit?”/“They’re on a stable diet.”

“Why should you be afraid of a white man in prison?” (prison joke)

“How’s the weather up there?” (said to a tall person)

“For men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen…” (joke)

NYJew (New York University or NYU nickname)

“The closest I’ve been to a diet is erasing food searches from my browser history”

“Alternative medicine that works is called medicine”

“I was addicted to the Hokey-Pokey, but I turned myself around”

John Chinaman (John Confucius)

Most Exciting Team in Sports (New York Mets nickname)

“How do you say thank you to a New York sushi chef?”/“Gracias.”

“How do you order food at a Muslim restaurant?”/“Allah carte.”

“My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast”

“If you don’t know coins, know your dealer” (coin collecting adage)

Bremain (Great Britain/British + remain)

“I took a baking class. The final was a piece of cake”

“What do lawyers wear to court?”/“Law suits.”

“What do you call a red-headed baker?”/“A ginger bread man.”

Resi-mercial (residential-commercial)

“What do you call baby potatoes?”/“Small fry.”

“What do you call baby potatoes?”/“Tater tots.”

“What do you call a potato with glasses?”/“A spectator.”

“What do you call a phallic-shaped potato?”/“A dictator.”

Resimercial (residential-commercial)

“What kind of key do you have to cook before using?”/“A latke.”

“What kind of keys do kids carry?”/“Cookies.”

“What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?”/“A stomach cake.”

“I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won…” (joke)

“What kind of key opens a banana?”/“A monkey.”

“Why don’t they serve chocolate in prison?”/“Because it makes you break out.”

“Where do smart hot dogs end up?”/“On honor rolls.”

“What has four wheels and flies?”/“A garbage truck.”

“What has four legs and flies?”/“A picnic table.”

“How do you make an egg roll?”/“Push it.”

“What is the definition of a financial genius?” (joke)

“Did you hear about the man who invented Life Savers? He made a mint”

“How do you turn soup into gold?”/“Add 24 carrots.”

New Jersey: “What did Delaware?”/“Her New Jersey.”

Delaware: “What did Delaware?”/“Her New Jersey.”

“Why did the newspaper blush?”/“It saw the comic strip.”

“Why are pianos so hard to open?”/“The keys are inside.”

“The midget fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large”

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