“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory”
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory" is a jocular line that has been cited in print since at least 1998. Authorship is unknown. American comedian Steven Wright has…
“A clear rejection is always better than a fake promise”
"A clear rejection is always better than a fake promise" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "A clear rejection is better than a fake promise" was posted on…
“A coffin? That’s the last thing I need!”
The expression "that's the last thing I'll need" usually means that the person has no need for that thing. Jokes about a coffin take the "last thing" literally.…
“A colleague from work has just texted saying he’s caught Covid from his cat. Don’t ask meow”
A COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic joke is that a cat got Covid-19, or that a cat gave Covid-19 to its owner. The punchline: "Don't ask meow." ("Don't ask me how.")…
“A compliment is verbal sunshine”
"A compliment is verbal sunshine" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been credited to American professional comedy writer Robert Orben since at least 1988,…
“A conference is just an admission that you want somebody to join you in your troubles”
American cowboy, humorist and actor Will Rogers (1879-1935) wrote in his newspaper column published on July 21, 1932: "A conference is just an admission that you want somebody to join you in…
“A consultant is someone who lives out of town”
"Consultant" is often defined as someone who lives out of town -- or at least 50 or 100 miles away. The consultant is called in, says the obvious, and then leaves. “A consultant is…
“A consultant is someone who saves his client almost enough to pay his fee”
"A consultant is someone who saves his client almost enough to pay his fee" is a jocular saying that has been attributed to Arnold H. Glasgow, an American psychiatrist, since at least…
“A contortionist in the Philippines would be a Manila folder”
Many offices use manila folders. A riddle about them is: Q: What do you call a contortionist from the Philippines?A: A Manila folder. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1974.…
“A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterBrian Power@RhillrealtorA cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. www.richmondhillhomes.ca2:35 PM - 11 May 09 TwitterFunny One Liners@funnyonelinersA…
“A deal is a deal” (business saying)
"A deal is a deal" means that a deal (such as a contract) has been agreed to and that its conditions shouldn't be changed. "None o' yer backin' out; a bargain's a…
“A diamond is a chunk of coal that made good under pressure”
"Diamonds are only lumps of coal that stuck to their jobs" is the first line of a much-reprinted 1922 poem by Minnie Richards Smith. "He was a pessimist that said a diamond is only a…
“A dressmaker sews what she gathers; a farmer gathers what he sows”
Entry in progress -- BP Newspapers.com6 September 1900, Grant County Tribune (Hyannis, NE), pg. 7, col. 3:A farmer gathers what he sows while a seamstress sews what she gathers. TwitterAltrincham…
“A farmer once tried to sell me his bull. I didn’t buy it. He was charging too much”
Three jokes involve a bull and the pun of "charging too much." "We had a bull come to our front door selling red capes, but he was charging way too much" was posted on Facebook…
“A fish in sea” (“efficiency” pun)
"A fish in sea" sounds like the word "efficiency." There have been several puns and riddles. "Efficiency (A Fish In Sea), a film about a man's preoccupation with…
“A fraudster who installs kitchen worktops got arrested. He was charged with counter fitting”
"Counterfeiting" shouldn't be confused with "counter fitting," but there are jokes. "Two men were arrested for aligning granite slabs in a kitchen. They were charged…
“A friend of mine invented a washing machine for bank notes. It’s a real money spinner”
The term "money-spinner," used in the United Kingdom and Australia, means "something that generates a continuous income." It doesn't involve the actual spinning of money,…
“A friend of mine is always going on about photography jokes. You just can’t shutter up”
"Shutter" sounds like "shut her," and there are photography jokes. "You can lead a wife to a camera, but you can't shutter up" was posted on the newsgoup…
“A friend of mine takes his cash straight from the ATM and puts it in the washing machine. It’s a real money spinner”
The term "money-spinner," used in the United Kingdom and Australia, means "something that generates a continuous income." It doesn't involve the actual spinning of money,…
“A friend told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn”
"When someone told me I lived in a fantasy land/world, I nearly fell off my unicorn" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I was out riding with my girlfriend.…