“90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works!”
"Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen" (or "90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works!") is a jocular saying that has been printed on…
“A 57,000 square foot Temu warehouse in China went up in flames today. The total loss of inventory has been estimated to be as high as $56.19 USD”
Temu is an online marketplace, known for cheap goods from China. How cheap? A joke was posted on X/Twitter by Will Lyster on December 28, 2024: "A 57,000 square foot Temu warehouse in China…
“A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist”
"A bargain is usually something you can't use at a price you can't resist" (or, in a later form, "A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't…
“A blind man walks into a shop with his seeing-eye dog…” (joke)
Many people walk through stores "just looking around." A joke was printed in the New York (NY) Times on August 30, 1983, of a blind person who grabs his seeing eye dog by the tail and…
“A boss is like a diaper—always on your ass and full of shit”
"A boss is like a diaper -- always on your ass and full of shit" is a jocular one-line saying shared by many workers. "Bosses are like diapers — full of shit and all over your…
“A business that makes nothing but money is a poor kind of business”
American automaker Henry Ford (1863-1947) ran a business that made lots of money, but he didn't view that alone as a measure of success. His Dearborn (MI) Independent newspaper column,…
“A business with no sign is a sign of no business”
Many sign companies have advertised themselves with a popular slogan. "A business with no sign is a sign of no business" was cited in print in April 1959. "A business without a sign…
“A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator”
French essayist and philosopher Paul Valéry (1871-1945) is credited with: "A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator."("Il fallait un calculateur, ce fut un danseur qui…
“A businessman is someone to whom age brings golf instead of wisdom”
Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) wrote in 1903 about "these cricketers to whom age brings golf instead of wisdom." The Chicago (IL) Tribune in 1905 gave the epigram,…
“A case of the Mondays” (school/work saying)
"A case of the Mondays" -- Monday is often the first day of the school/work week -- is a saying that has been printed on many images. "A case of the Mondays was said three times in…
“A cashier asked me if I wanted paper or plastic. I said, ‘Just put the money in a bag!!’”
A cashier often gives a customer a choice of bags and asks, "Paper or plastic?" A joke situation occurs when a robber asks to put money in a bag. "Robber: put the money in the bag!!…
“A chiropractor is a hip-pop artist”
"Hip-pop" is a music portmanteau of "hip-hop" and "pop." "If I were a chiropractor, I’d listen to HIP-POP! GET IT?" was posted on Twitter by Matthew Inman…
“A Christmas shopper’s complaint is one of long-standing”
"A Christmas shopper's complaint is one of long-standing" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. 15 February 1877, The Daily American (Nashville, TN), pg. 3, col.…
“A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: ‘Euripides?’” (joke)
A classic joke involving Euripides (a Greek tragedian of classical Athens) and Eumenides (a Greek tragedy by Aeschylus) has been cited in print since at least 1931. The joke involves a tailor and a…
“A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer”
"A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer" is a jocular saying that has been Twitter printed on many images. That is, everything that had been on top of the desk is hidden in the…
“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory”
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory" is a jocular line that has been cited in print since at least 1998. Authorship is unknown. American comedian Steven Wright has…
“A clear rejection is always better than a fake promise”
"A clear rejection is always better than a fake promise" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "A clear rejection is better than a fake promise" was posted on…
“A coffin? That’s the last thing I need!”
The expression "that's the last thing I'll need" usually means that the person has no need for that thing. Jokes about a coffin take the "last thing" literally.…
“A colleague from work has just texted saying he’s caught Covid from his cat. Don’t ask meow”
A COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic joke is that a cat got Covid-19, or that a cat gave Covid-19 to its owner. The punchline: "Don't ask meow." ("Don't ask me how.")…
“A compliment is verbal sunshine”
"A compliment is verbal sunshine" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been credited to American professional comedy writer Robert Orben since at least 1988,…