“He ain’t fit to tote guts to a bear”
"He ain't fit to tote guts to a bear" is a disparagement of a cowboy cook. The origin of the phrase is uncertain. 3 October 1956, Burlington (NC) Daily Times-News, pg. 7:One Florida…
“He couldn’t hit a bull in the butt with a banjo”
"He couldn't hit a bull in the butt with a banjo" is said about someone who's drunk, or an athlete who isn't having a good day. It's not certain if this phrase…
“He couldn’t sell watermelons with the highway patrol blocking traffic”
A January 2005 blog post credited Jim Hightower with this phrase: "[W]e are upper-crust, elite intellectual snobs who couldn’t sell watermelons if we had the Highway Patrol blocking traffic…
“He was addicted to cowboy line dancing and entered a two-step program”
A popular joke is told about the Texas two-step: "My best friend became addicted to country line dancing. It got so bad he had to enter a two-step program." Versions of the joke date to…
“He’ll do to ride the river with”
"He'll do to ride the river with" is supposedly a saying from the old west, such as Texas in the 1850s. The saying means that someone (such as a cowboy) can be trusted. A river was a…
“He’s got more guts than you can hang on a fence”
Someone who "has more guts than you could hang on a fence (post)" is someone who has a lot of guts (bravery). The expression has been included in many western novels, especially those set…
“Hello, poison control? I just drank unsweet tea”
Many people in the South love sweet tea. A joke was posted on Facebook by Jamar E Jenkins on June 24, 2021: "Hello poison control ?I just drank unsweet tea" The joke went viral, with over…
“Hello, sucker!” & “Give this little girl a big hand!” (Texas Guinan)
"Texas" Guinan was born in Waco, Texas and made a name for herself as a New York City night club owner during the Prohibition era of the 1920s. She is known today for either originating…
“Here Everything’s Better” & “HEB-ing” or “Hebbing”
HEB stores (the H. E. Butt Grocery company) originated in Kerrville, Texas, but are now all over the state and other states. The slogan "Here Everything's Better" is a 2004…
“Here I sit, cheeks a-flexin’, giving birth to another Texan” (bathroom graffiti)
"Here I sit, cheeks a-flexin', giving birth to another Texan" is bathroom graffiti seen in New Mexico and Oklahoma. They really must be entertainment-deprived in those states. The…
“HI, HOW ARE YOU” (Daniel Johnston artwork)
"HI, HOW ARE YOU" was a music cassette released by Austin-based artist Daniel Johnston in 1983. In 1994, Johnston painted a space frog-like design (the animal has been called…
“Hide from wind, run from water” (hurricane adage)
"Hide from (the) wind, run from (the) water" is a saying that has been used from Florida to Texas by emergency management teams for hurricane preparedness. The author of the saying is…
“Home of the free 72-oz. steak” (Big Texan Steak Ranch in Amarillo)
The Big Texan Texan Steak Ranch in Amarillo has advertised "Home of the free 72-oz. steak" since 1963. You have to prepay your meal, eat the whole thing within an hour, plus bread and…
“Honk if I’m an Aggie” (bumper sticker)
"Honk if you love Jesus" was a popular bumper sticker saying from 1971. The bumper sticker spawned lots of other "Honk if you..." imitations, but one notable "Honk if…
“Hook “Em Horns” & “Hook ‘Em Cows”
The "Hook 'Em Horns" hand gesture (with index finger and pinkie standing up as "horns") was invented by then-University of Texas head cheerleader Harley Clark at a…
“Hoover Hog,” “Poor Man’s Pig,” “Poverty Pig” (armadillo nicknames)
The armadillo (the little armored one) has had many nicknames. "Hoover Hog" was originally applied to the jackrabbit after Herbert Hoover's Great Depression, but the nickname was…
“Horse high, bull strong, and pig tight” (qualities of a Texas fence)
A good fence should be "horse high, bull strong, and pig tight." These qualities became associated with a Texas fence, but they applied to any fence. The phrase dates from the 19th…
“Hotter than a Laredo parking lot” (Dan Rather, election night 2000)
Dan Rather (from Wharton, TX) was the anchor of the CBS Evening News from 1981-2005. On election night 2000, he let loose a slew of "Rather-isms" -- folksy sayings, both borowed and…
“Hotter Than a Stolen Tamale;” “Hotter Than a Fur Coat in Marfa”
There are many ways a Texan can say that "it's hot." "Hot tamales" are hot. Something stolen is "hot." So what could be "hotter than a stolen tamale"?…
“Houston—The Real Texas”
"Houston -- The Real Texas" was a slogan invented by the Greater Houston Convention and Visitors Bureau in 1993. Many parts of Texas claim to be "the real Texas," and this…