“Three Republicans walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A Democrat/Republican version is: "Three Democrats/Republicans walk into a bar. The…
“Three rights walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A direction version is: "Three rights walked into a bar. They left" Three right…
“Three sewing machines walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A version involving two sewing machines was posted on Twitter by Fenella Kernebone on…
“Three types of people with more than 10 items: People who can’t read, can’t count, and assholes”
Many supermarkets have a checkout for "10 items or less" or "12 items or less." A person with more items who goes to that checkout either can't read or can't count --…
“Three vampires walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A vampire version has three vampires walk into a bar. The first two order blood (or a…
“Tipping your waiter is like paying shipping and handling for your food”
Restaurant tipping of a waiter is sometimes compared to a shipping and handling charge. " Tipping your waiter is like paying shipping and handling for your food" was posted on Twitter on…
“To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I’m making my house into a Chinese restaurant”
Many Chinese restaurants put up Christmas decorations and never seem to take them down. "To avoid taking down my Christmas decorations..I'm converting my house into a Chinese…
“To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I’m making my house into an Italian restaurant”
Do Italian restaurants have too many lights? Patrick McLellan posted a Christmas joke on Twitter on January 7, 2013: "To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm making my house into an…
“Today’s date is 7/11, which is convenient”
7-Eleven is an American international chain of convenience stores. "Today's date is 7/11 which is convenient" was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on July 11, 2017. "TODAYS DATE IS…
“Too much ain’t enough” (Lone Star Cafe slogan)
The Lone Star Cafe in New York City was located on 61 Fifth Avenue (at 13th Street), and it existed between 1976 and 1989. The Lone Star featured performers such as Kinky Friedman and Willie…
“Took a girl to a French restaurant. She had frogs’ legs and chicken breasts. Great personality though!”
"I was in a bar in Alicante and a women on the next table had chicken breast's and frog's leg's, but she had a good personality" is a joke that was posted on Facebook by…
“Took a girl to Starbucks because I forgot her name”
Starbucks coffeehouses ask for a customer's name when the order is taken. "Took a girl to Starbucks because I forgot her name" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on…
“Tree men walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
Reddit -- JokesPosted by u/Conly95 February 23, 2016Tree men walk into a barThey order root beer and leaf before paying. Twitterme@not_actuallymeTree men walk into a bar via /r/Jokes…
“True fact: Before the crowbar was invented, most crows drank at home”
A jocular definition of "crowbar" is: Q: What is a crowbar?A: A place where crows got to get a drink. Forms of the joke/pun/riddle have been cited in print since at least 1890. "True…
“Turns out my three hobbies are eating at restaurants, shopping at nonessential businesses…”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic prevented many people from enjoying their favorite hobbies. "New twitter bio: my hobbies include touching my face, touching face and also touching my…
“Twinkle, twinkle, little star. Point me to the nearest bar”
"Twinkle, twinkle, little star. Point me to the nearest bar" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are!" is an…
“Two bacteria walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A popular science joke is: "Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says, 'We…
“Two can eat as cheaply as one”
The saying "two can live as cheaply as one" has been cited in print since at least the 1890s. "Two can eat as cheaply as one" has been cited in print since at least 1927.…
“Two chemists walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A popular science joke that has been printed on many images is: Two men walk into a bar.One…
“Two condoms walk past a gay bar…” (joke)
To be "shit-faced" drunk is to be very drunk. A politically incorrect joke was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on May 31, 1991: "These two condoms are walking down the street, and…