“Dignity is one thing that can’t be preserved in alcohol”
"Dignity is one thing that can't be preserved in alcohol" is a saying that dates to the Prohibition era in 1928, when it appeared in the newspaper comic strip "Flapper Fanny…
“Dihydrogen monoxide is deliberately sprayed on organic crops”
"Dihydrogen monoxide is deliberately sprayed on organic crops" -- "dihydrogen monoxide" is water -- is a joke that has been printed on many images. "Dihydrogen monoxide is…
“Dill Piccolo—the wind instrument that plays only sour notes”
There is a "piccolo" (a wind instrument), there is a "dill pickle" (a pickled cucumber) and then there is a "dill piccolo -- the wind instrument that plays only sour…
“Diluting bourbon with water makes it less bourbon. Subourbon, if you will”
"Subourbon" (suburb + bourbon) is a portmanteau word that is mostly jocular. "What do they drink in The Southern Suburbs? Subourbon!" was posted on Twitter by Bosse Löthén on…
“Dim Sum implies the existence of Bright Difference”
Dim sum (a large range of small Chinese dishes) has nothing to do with a mathematical "sum," but there are jokes. "DIM SUM! (bright difference?)" was posted on Twitter by Ray L…
“Dim sum implies the existence of dim min, max, and average”
Dim sum (a large range of small Chinese dishes) has nothing to do with a mathematical "sum," but there are jokes. "DIM SUM! (bright difference?)" was posted on Twitter by Ray L…
“Diner: Do you have a bathroom? Waiter: No, we go outside.”
A house guest (or someone in a restaurant or a store) might ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" This really means, "Where is the bathroom and I can use it now?" However, a literal,…
“Diner: How long will my spaghetti be? Waiter: I don’t know. We never measure it.”
A joke about ordering spaghetti in a restaurant is: Diner: Waiter, how long will my spaghetti be?Waiter: I don't know, sir. We never measure it. The joke was printed in American newspapers in…
“Diner: I can’t eat this! Call the manager! Waiter: It’s no use. He won’t eat it, either.”
A joke was printed in the Greensboro (NC) Record on October 22, 1925: Diner: "This soup is terrible! Send the manager here right away!"Waiter: "It's no use, sir. He won't…
“Diner: I’ve tasted fresher fish. Waiter: Not in here!” (Jewish joke)
A Jewish joke involves a diner (named Frieda or Freda or Miriam or Ethel or Izzy) who complains about a restaurant's food. "I've tasted fresher fish," the diner says. "Not…
“Diner: Is soup on the menu? Waiter: No, I wiped it off.”
An old restaurant joke about something "on the menu" is: Customer: "Is there any soup on the menu today?"Waiter: "There was, sir, but I just wiped it off." The joke…
“Diner: There’s a button in my salad. Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing.”
A restaurant joke is: Diner: Waiter, there's a button in my salad. Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing. The oldest form of the joke was printed in the Anthony (KS)…
“Diner: This coffee tastes like mud. Waiter: Well, it was ground this morning!”
A diner at a restaurant complains that the coffee tastes like mud. The waiter remarks: "It should be! It was ground this morning!" This well-known coffee joke (a pun on the noun and the…
“Diner: Waiter, I’m in a hurry! Will the pancakes be long? Waiter: No, they’ll be round.”
A joke about ordering pancakes in a restaurant is: Diner: Waiter, I’m in a hurry! Will the pancakes be long? Waiter: No, they'll be round. The joke was printed in many newspapers in June…
“Diner: Waiter, will my pizza be long? Waiter: No, sir, it will be round.”
A joke about ordering pizza in a restaurant is: Diner: Waiter, will my pizza be long?Waiter: No, sir, it will be round. The joke was posted to the newsgroup alt.smokers.pipes on November 10, 2003.…
“Diner: What’s wrong with these eggs I ordered? Waiter: Don’t ask me. I only laid the table.”
A restaurant joke is: Diner: What's wrong with these eggs I ordered? Waiter: Don't ask me. I only laid the table. "Small Girl: 'Where did the funny little eggs come from, do you…
“Dining In A Rough Restaurant: Hurry, Otherwise Expect Accidents” (“diarrhoea” backronym)
"Diarrhea” ("diarrhoea" is the popular spelling in the UK) is a difficult word to spell. Many people use a backronym (back acronym) or mnemonic. "Dining In A Rough Restaurant:…
“Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off”
"Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off" is a joke that means the cook always burns the meal. The joke has been cited in print from at least 1983 and has been printed on many…
“Dinner is where the magic happens in the kitchen”
"Dinner is where the magic happens in the kitchen" is a food saying that has been printed on many images. American author Kris Carr is usually credited. "Dinner is where the magic…
“Dinosaurs had no beer. How did that work out?”
"Dinosaurs had no beer! How did that work out?" is a jocular beer saying that has been printed on many images."Dinosaurs had no beer.. How did that work out🐸☕️" was…