“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Life’s a bitch, a drink is a must”
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust" is a popular Christian burial saying, based on Genesis 3:19 (King James Version): "In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto…
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Life’s a bitch, and vodka’s a must”
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust" is a popular Christian burial saying, based on Genesis 3:19 (King James Version): "In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto…
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. When life’s a bitch, whiskey’s a must”
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust" is a popular Christian burial saying, based on Genesis 3:19 (King James Version): "In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto…
“Ask a basketball player for change of $1, get 75 cents back because no fourth quarter”
A regulation basketball game consists of four quarters. (Overtime is held if the score remains tied.) The fourth quarter is usually decisive, but some basketball stars are criticized for not…
“Ask an atheist who’s just had a great meal if he believes there’s a cook”
"The best reply to an atheist is to give him a good dinner and ask him if he believes there is a cook," wrote attorney and author Louis Nizer (1902-1994) on August 17, 1945, in a…
“Ask for money and you get advice; ask for advice and you get money”
A fundraising adage says that if you ask for money, you get advice instead. However, if you ask for advice, you'll eventually get money. "Don't simply ask for money. Ask for…
“Ask not why the children shouldn’t see drag queens; ask why drag queens crave an audience…”
"Don't ask why children need to see drag queens. Ask why drag queens crave an audience of children" (or "Ask not why the children shouldn’t see drag queens; ask why drag…
“Ask your doctor if medical advice from a television commercial is right for you”
"Ask your doctor if medical advice from a television commercial is right for you" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Medical companies often advise to "ask…
“Asked for a medium roast at Starbucks and the barista made fun of me instead”
A person who enters a coffee shop and orders a "medium roast" probably doesn't want a light ribbing, but there are many jokes. "Asked for a medium roast at Starbucks and the…
“Asking a writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp post how it feels about dogs”
"Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp post how it feels about dogs" was said by playwright Christopher Hampton (born in 1946) in the Sunday Times…
“Asking government to fix government is like asking cancer to cure cancer”
"Asking government to fix government is like asking cancer to cure cancer" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Unfortunately asking government to fix itself is a lot…
“Asking me if I’m hungry is like asking me if I want money”
"Asking me if I'm hungry is like asking me if I want money" is a saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the answer is "Yes." "Asking me if I'm…
“Aspire to inspire before you expire”
"Aspire to inspire before you expire" is a saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters, bumper stickers and T-shirts. Tullah Hanley, a former belly dancer who became…
“Assault is a behavior, not a device”
"Assault is a behavior, not a device" is a pro-gun saying that has been printed on several images. The saying is a comment on the term "assault weapon." "ASSAULT is a…
“Assume you have a can opener” (economics joke about opening a food can)
A popular economics joke has a physicist, a chemist, and an economist all stranded on a desert island. There is one can of food, but nothing to open it with. The physicist presents his proposed…
“Asthma Alley”
"Asthma Alley" was probably coined by Jerome Kretchmer, an environmental protection administrator, in 1970. Parts of the south Bronx, western Queens, and Harlem have all been called an…
“Astronaut 1: I can’t find any milk. Astronaut 2: In space, no one can. Here, use cream”
"In space, no one can hear you scream" is an advertising tagline for the film Alien (1979) that was created by Barbara Gips. A joke was posted on Twitter by Mrs L on October 16, 2011:…
“Astronauts use Linux because you can’t open Windows in space”
"Astronauts use Linux because you can't open Windows in space" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Carla Notarobot on November 7, 2020, but it went viral when it was posted again…
“Astronomy is way over my head”
The stars are over our heads, but what about the study of astronomy? "RT @monkjail: I was thinking of studying astronomy, but I fear it's all a bit over my head" was posted on…
“At 12:01 am on January 1, for the first time ever, hind sight will actually be 2020”
The year 2020 had some "2020 vision" jokes. This was posted on Facebook by Joe Haenn on December 18, 2020: "At 12:01 am on Jan 1, for the first time ever, Hind Sight will actually be…