“And the Lord said unto John, ‘Come forth and receive eternal life!’” (joke)

A toaster is often a consolation prize—especially in jokes. A joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.consumers.sweepstakes on July 4, 1996:
 
“‘Come forth and win my love,’ said God unto Moses. But he came fifth, and won a toaster.”
 
A slightly different form of the joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.internet.talk.bizarre on July 22, 2003:
 
“Jesus said to John, ‘Come forth, I will give you eternal life’. John came fifth, he won a toaster.”
     
   
Google Groups: alt.consumers.sweepstakes
VIBEonline doesn’t deliver - in a year
Kimmo Pyykko
7/4/96
(...)
“Come forth and win my love,” said God unto Moses. But he came fifth, and won a toaster.
 
Google Groups: alt.internet.talk.bizarre
Fifth Prize
The Devils Arse
7/22/03
Jesus said to John, “Come forth, I will give you eternal life”. John came fifth, he won a toaster.
   
Google Groups: alt.humor.puns
Puns of the Weak 06-28-04
Stan Kegel
6/28/04
(...)
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.”  John came fifth.  He won a toaster.  (Sriram)
 
Twitter
Dan Bruno‏
@danbruno
And the Lord said unto John; Come forth and receive eternal life. But John came fifth and won a toaster.
9:38 AM - 18 Nov 2007
 
Google Books
The Mammoth Book of One-Liners
Edited by Geoff Tibballs
London, UK” Constable & Robinson Ltd
2012
Pg. ?:
Jesus said to John: “Come forth, I’ll give you eternal life.” But John came fifth, and won a toaster.
 
Google Books
Jokes by Chairman Panda
By Benjamin Wang
Xlibris Corporation (Xlibris.com)
2015
Pg. ?:
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth, and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.
 
Reddit—Dad Jokes
And the Lord said unto John; “Come forth and receive eternal life!” (self.dadjokes)
submitted July 18, 2017 by MsCynical
But John came fifth and won a toaster.