“Americans pay for gym memberships and for people to mow their lawns”
Mowing a lawn is exercise, so who needs a gym membership? "Who needs a gym membership? Just get out & creatively push mow your yd! Jog, lunge, on ur toes.. Smells great & good 4…
“Americans prefer houses with basements. They’re best cellars”
Houses with cellars are "best sellers," according to the pun. "I once read a book on how to remodel my basement. I expected a good read since it made the Best Cellars list" was…
“Americans talk dry, but drink sweet” (wine adage)
"Americans talk dry, but drink sweet" is an old saying about the taste that many Americans have in wines. Americans say that they want a dry wine, but ending up drinking a sweet wine.…
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic”
"Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic" is a saying that has been printed on many images. American journalist Dan Rather has been credited with the…
“Amtrak implies the existence of Aretrak and Istrak”
Amtrak (from the words "America" and "track") is the national passenger railroad company of the United States. There is no "Aretrak" or "Istrak," but there…
“An accountant is a man hired to explain that you didn’t make the money you did”
"An accountant is a man hired to explain that you didn't make the money you did" is a jocular definition of an accountant. "Accountant: A man hired to explain that you…
“An accountant is someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had”
"An accountant is someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand" is a popular accounting joke. "A genius is a guy who solves a problem you…
“An acid and a base walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A chemistry version is: "An acid and a base walk into a bar. The police later arrested…
“An acre of performance is worth a whole world of promise”
"An acre of performance is worth a whole world of promise" is an old English proverb. English Elizabethan pamphleteer Thomas Nashe (1567-1601) wrote in 1596: "One acre of…
“An active mind cannot exist in an inactive body”
"An active mind cannot exist in an inactive body" is a quotation that is usually attributed to U.S. General George S. Patton (1885-1945). It is not known with any certainty that Patton…
“An actor without a playwright is like a hole without a doughnut”
American drama critic and author George Jean Nathan (1882-1958) wrote in Encyclopædia of the Theatre (1940): "An actor without a playwright is like a hole without a doughnut." In other…
“An actuary is a someone who wanted to be an accountant, but didn’t have the personality for it”
"An actuary is a someone who wanted to be an accountant, but didn't have the personality for it" is an old joke about the actuarial profession. The reverse is also told: "An…
“An advertising agency is 85 per cent confusion and 15 per cent commission”
Comedian Fred Allen (1894-1956) wrote in Treadmill to Oblivion (1954): "To me, an advertising agency is 85 per cent confusion and 15 per cent commission." The quotation has been…
“An after-dinner speech—‘Check, please’”
"Check, please!" is what a restaurant diner tells a waiter or waitress. The diner is finished eating and wants to pay for the meal. "Check, please" was printed in The…
“An air mattress is great when you want to sleep on the floor, but not right away”
Some people find that sleeping on an air mattress is not much better than sleeping on the floor. This was posted on Twitter by cap’n watsisname on July 25, 2021, and received about 75,000 likes:…
“An airplane doesn’t make money sitting on the ground” (airline adage)
"An airplane doesn't make money sitting on the ground" is an adage of the airline industry. A plane might stop at the JFK or LaGuardia airports, but the sooner it's back in the…
“An alcoholic is someone who drinks more than his doctor”
"An alcoholic is someone who drinks more than his doctor" is an old joke; to many, however, the drinking habit of doctors is no laughing matter. Dr. Joyce Brothers wrote in 1965: "At…
“An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do”
"An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do" is a drinking saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "LATEST DEFINITION of an…
“An allusion walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." An allusion version is: "An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol…
“An alpaca had a parasite removed from around its mouth. It was alpaca lip tick”
"Apocalyptic" shouldn't be confused with "alpaca lip tick," but there are jokes. "—Have you seen that film about what happened after the alpaca had a parasite…