“If you’re trying to cut carbs, use a knife”
Many people try to cut carbohydrates from their diets. These people are not literally trying to cut carbs, but there are jokes. "It's time to cut carbs. I will be henceforth using a knife…
“If you’re ugly but have pretty eyes, this is your chance!” (face mask requirement)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in face mask requirements. "If you're ugly with pretty eyes, this is your moment!" (or "If you're ugly, but have pretty eyes,…
“If you’re ugly but have pretty eyes, this is your time to shine!” (face mask requirement)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in face mask requirements. "If you're ugly with pretty eyes, this is your moment!" (or "If you're ugly, but have pretty eyes,…
“If you’ve gained weight and nobody wants to mention it, you are the elephant in the room”
The saying "the elephant in the room" is a metaphor for a big issue that people ignore (often on purpose). A joke on the saying was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts on July 13, 2019:…
“If your boat turns upside down, you can wear it on your head. It’s capsized”
A riddle was posted on Twitter on January 15, 2013: Q: When can you wear a boat on your head? A: When it's capsized. "Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if…
“If your boss refuses to pay you more money, no problem. Just accuse them of raise-ism”
"Raise-ism" sounds a bit like "racism." "And asking for a raise is raiseism" was posted on Twitter on May 9, 2014. A work joke was posted on Twitter by LaffGaff on…
“If your boss says your team at work is ‘like family’ that means you can scream ‘YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MOM!’ and storm out…”
Work sometimes claims that it is "like family." This was posted on X/Twitte (the account is now private) by Laura Klein on March 1, 2022: "If your boss tells you your team at work is…
“If your coffee needs 4 pumps of syrup, whipped cream, and a drizzle… congratulations, you ordered dessert with anxiety”
Many people order a coffee that seems more like a dessert. This was posted on Facebook by Coffee on March 27, 2026: "If your coffee needs 4 pumps of syrup, whipped cream, and a drizzle……
“If your coffee order requires more than four words, you’re part of the problem”
Many people believe that coffee orders should be simple. "If your coffee order requires more than five words to describe, I probably think you're an idiot" was posted on Twitter by…
“If your coffeeshop has one of those passive aggressive ‘no wifi pretend it’s the old days’ signs..”
"If your coffee shop has a passive aggressive 'no wifi pretend it's the old days' sign I'm gonna smoke in there & pay 50 cents for coffee" was posted on Twitter by…
“If your couch isn’t against a wall, you are unimaginably rich”
"If your couch isn’t against a wall you are unimaginably rich" was posted on Twitter by conntent mcnett on October 3, 2019. That is, if a couch is not against a wall, the room is not…
“If your country can afford to give money away to other countries, then you pay too much in taxes”
"If your country can afford to give money away to other countries, then you pay too much in taxes" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If your country can afford to…
“If your crush gets Covid, propose to her. She might say yes due to lack of taste”
The COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic caused sufferers to have an absence of taste. Of course, there were some "lack of taste" jokes. "If your crush gets Covid, it's the right…
“If your crystal meth dealer has all of their teeth, they’re the cops”
"If your crystal meth dealer has all of their teeth, they're the cops/police" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Many meth users suffer from "meth mouth."…
“If your crystal meth dealer has all of their teeth, they’re the police”
"If your crystal meth dealer has all of their teeth, they're the cops/police" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Many meth users suffer from "meth mouth."…
“If your dog doesn’t like somebody, you probably shouldn’t, either”
"If your dog doesn't like someone, you probably shouldn't, either" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If your dog doesn't like someone, you probably…
“If your dog doesn’t like someone, you probably shouldn’t, either”
"If your dog doesn't like someone, you probably shouldn't, either" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If your dog doesn't like someone, you probably…
“If your dog is fat, you’re not getting enough exercise”
"A fat dog is likely to have a fat master" was cited in print in 1958. Dogs and their owners often eat at the same time, and they both often walk (exercise) together. The saying "If…
“If your dog stretches and you don’t say ‘OH BIG STRETCH’ every single time then you are a psychopath and I don’t want to know you”
Pets often stretch out, and pet owners often comment on this. "if your dog stretches and you dont say 'OH BIG STRETCH' every single time then you are a psychopath and i dont want to…
“If your electric car runs out of power on the interstate, do you walk to a charging station to get a bucket of electricity?”
"If your electric car runs out of power on the interstate, do you walk to a charging station to get a bucket of electricity?" is a question that has been printed on many images. The joke…