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June 3, 2017
Work/Businesses

“If you think you’ve got nothing to be thankful for…check your pulse”

"If you think you've got nothing to be thankful for...check your pulse" is a one-line inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been popular on church…

December 17, 2019
Radio/Television

“If you think your microwave and your TV spying on you is bad…” (joke)

Many devices (microwave, TV, laptop, smartphone) in the household can spy on people. "If you think your microwave spying on you is bad... Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for…

December 17, 2019
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“If you think your microwave spying on you is bad, your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt”

Many devices (microwave, TV, laptop, smartphone) in the household can spy on people. "If you think your microwave spying on you is bad... Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for…

October 27, 2022
Education/Schools

“If you thought you hated homework as a child, trust me, you’ll hate it more as a parent”

"Hated homework when I was in school, hate it more as a parent" was posted on Twitter by Jo-Ann Rogan on April 14, 2010. "I hated homework as a kid, I swear I hate it more as a…

November 11, 2021
Food/Drink

“If you throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care make sure you put your coffee cup down”

“Throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care” is a saying that became popular in the 1980s. "If you throw your hands in the air like you just don't care, make sure you put…

October 18, 2020
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If you took all the fraud out of politics, there might not be a lot left”

Many people have long realized that there is a lot of fraud in politics. American economist and social theorist wrote on Townhall on August 26, 2008: "If you took all the fraud out of…

January 31, 2011
Banking/Finance/Insurance

“If you torture the data long enough, it will confess”

"If you torture the data long enough, it will confess" has come to mean that if you manipulate the data long enough, you'll finish the the result you want. Some people has asserted…

May 2, 2023
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If you truly want to follow the science, then follow the silenced”

"Follow the science" became a popular catchphrase during the COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic. However, many scientists who disagreed with Big Pharma and the government were silenced…

October 16, 2021
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If you trust the government, I don’t trust you”

"If you trust the government, I don't trust you" is an anti-government saying that has been printed on an image. The saying became popular during the COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic.…

November 6, 2022
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If you trust your government, then your history teacher didn’t do their job”

"If you trust your government, then your history teacher didn't do their job" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If you trust your government then your history…

November 6, 2022
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If you trust your government, your history teacher didn’t do a good job”

"If you trust your government, then your history teacher didn't do their job" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If you trust your government then your history…

November 6, 2022
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If you trust your government, your history teacher didn’t do his job”

"If you trust your government, then your history teacher didn't do their job" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If you trust your government then your history…

June 14, 2018
Work/Businesses

“If you try, you risk failure. If you don’t, you ensure it”

"If you try, you risk failure. If you don’t, you ensure it" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "To try when there is little hope…

February 12, 2020
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If you unfriend me and later send another friend request, there will be a $29.99 reconnection fee”

"If you unfriend me and later decide to send me another friend request, there will be a $29.99 reconnection fee" is a jocular social media saying that has been

May 5, 2020
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If you use a stimulus check to buy baby chicks, then you got the money for nothing…”

The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic financially hurt many people, but many of them received stimulus checks from the U.S. government. It reminded some people of the line in the Dire Straits song…

April 23, 2017
Food/Drink

“If you wait long enough to make dinner, everyone will just eat cereal.  It’s science”

"If you wait long enough to make dinner, everyone will just eat cereal. It's science" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by…

May 22, 2018
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“If you walk a mile in my shoes, you’ll end up at the bar”

“Before you judge someone, walk a mile in his shoes” is an old proverb. "If you walk a mile in my shoes, you'll end up at the bar" is a jocular saying that has been printed on…

May 22, 2018
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“If you walk a mile in my shoes, you’ll end up in a wine bar”

“Before you judge someone, walk a mile in his shoes” is an old proverb. "If you walk a mile in my shoes, you'll end up at the bar" is a jocular saying that has been printed on…

October 27, 2009
Government/Law/Military/Religion /HealthPets (Dogs, Cats, Horses)

“If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog”

"If you want a friend, buy/get a dog" (a dog is well known as "man's best friend") is a saying that's been cited in print since at least 1911. U.S. President Harry S.…

January 21, 2017
Work/Businesses

“If you want a job in the moisturiser industry, the best advice I can give is to apply daily”

How often should you apply for the same job? "If you want to work for a company that makes moisturizer, the best thing to do is to apply daily" was posted on Twitter on November 5, 2012.…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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