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April 12, 2014
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If we ever forget that we’re one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under”

U.S. President Ronald Reagan said at a prayer breakfast in Dallas on August 23, 1984: "Without God, there is no virtue, because there's no prompting of the conscience. Without God,…

March 7, 2023
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If we ever forget that we’re one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under”

U.S. President Ronald Reagan spoke about the importance of god in government at an ecumenical prayer breakfast in Dallas, Texas, on August 23, 1984: "Without God, there is no virtue, because…

June 17, 2024
Food/Drink

“If we get rid of all the margarine, the world would be a butter place”

"If we get rid of all the margarine, the world would be a butter place" is a jocular saying, with a pun on "the world would be a better place." Authorship is unknown. "Now…

July 27, 2024
Food/Drink

“If we getting drunk tonight lmk now so I can eat a lunchable”

"If we getting drunk tonight lmk now so I can eat a lunchable" (or "If we getting drunk tonight let me know now so I can eat a lunchable") was posted on Facebook by Michael…

February 23, 2026
Food/DrinkRestaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“If we go on a date we’re getting appetizers bc that’s what my hors d’serve”

"Hors d'oeuvres" can be difficult to spell. This joke was posted on X/Twitter by uncle ric on December 9, 2020, and it received over 372,000 likes: "If we go on a date we’re…

September 20, 2024
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“If we go out & you pick a table over a booth, I’m going home”

A restaurant often gives a dine the choice of having a table o a booth. A large group of people might choose the table, and a couple dating might choose the booth. "Is there anyone that…

September 19, 2024
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“If we go out to eat and you choose a table over a booth, I’m going home”

A restaurant often gives a dine the choice of having a table o a booth. A large group of people might choose the table, and a couple dating might choose the booth. "Is there anyone that…

April 8, 2019
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If we go to prison for downloading music, I hope they separate us by genre”

"If we go to prison for downloading music, I hope they separate us by genre" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "If someday we all go to prison for downloading…

June 18, 2024
Food/Drink

“If we got rid of all the margarine and spreads, the world would be a butter place”

"If we get rid of all the margarine, the world would be a butter place" is a jocular saying, with a pun on "the world would be a better place." Authorship is unknown. "Now…

February 28, 2020
Food/Drink

“If we had some ham,  we could have ham and eggs—if we had some eggs”

"If we had some ham, we could have ham and eggs -- if we had some eggs" (or "If I had some bread, I could make a ham sandwich -- if I had some ham") is a jocular saying from a…

August 24, 2011
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If we lie to Congress, it’s a felony and if Congress lies to us it’s just politics”

"If we lie to the Congress, it's a felony and if the Congress lies to us it's just politics" was written by Ken Huber of Tawas City, Michigan, and published in the Iosco County…

August 22, 2022
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If we make guns illegal, then nobody will get shot anymore. That’s how we stopped drugs”

"If we make guns illegal, then nobody will get shot anymore. That's how we stopped everybody from doing drugs" is a sarcastic pro-gun saying that has been printed on many images.…

August 25, 2020
Food/Drink

“If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?”

"If we're not supposed to eat late-night snacks, why is there a light in the refrigerator?" is a jocular saying that has been cited in print since at least 1999. "If we…

May 18, 2022
Food/Drink

“If we start calling it ‘potato juice’, vodka becomes a health drink, RIGHT??”

"If we start calling it 'potato juice', vodka becomes a health drink, RIGHT??" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "@donjuantip: If we start calling…

May 29, 2021
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If we were really wrong about them, they wouldn’t need to censor us”

Many people and groups have been censored by the media, especially the social media such as Facebook and Twitter. "If we were really wrong about them, they wouldn’t need to censor us"…

August 25, 2020
Food/Drink

“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”

"If we're not supposed to eat late-night snacks, why is there a light in the refrigerator?" (or, "If we're not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the…

November 8, 2014
Food/Drink

“If we’re not supposed to eat late-night snacks, why is there a light in the refrigerator?”

"If we're not supposed to eat late-night snacks, why is there a light in the refrigerator?" (or, "If we're not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the…

May 13, 2020
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“If we’re going to have one way grocery aisles, I’m going to need a passing lane”

The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in changes to many grocery stores, such as one-way aisles. "Okay, if we're going to have one-way grocery aisles then I'm going to need a…

October 23, 2025
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“If white people have no culture, then explain beach themed bathrooms”

It's very common for a bathroom to be decorated with a beach theme, but that is not required by law. "What is it with white people & beach themed bathrooms?" was posted on…

April 27, 2012
Sports/Games

“If winning isn’t important, why keep score?”

"It doesn't matter if you win or lose, but how you played the game" is a paraphrase of the poem "Alumnus Football" (1908) by the sportswriter Grantland Rice (1880-1954).…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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