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June 11, 2019
Work/Businesses

“If service is beneath you, leadership is beyond you”

"If service/serving is below/beneath you, leadership is beyond you" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is somewhat related to Matthew 23:11, "The greatest…

June 11, 2019
Work/Businesses

“If serving is below you, leadership is beyond you”

"If service/serving is below/beneath you, leadership is beyond you" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is somewhat related to Matthew 23:11, "The greatest…

June 11, 2019
Work/Businesses

“If serving is beneath you, leadership is beyond you”

"If service/serving is below/beneath you, leadership is beyond you" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is somewhat related to Matthew 23:11, "The greatest…

December 5, 2018
Work/Businesses

“If sex for money makes you a hoe, does sex for free make you a non-profit whoreganization?”

"If having sex for money makes you a hoe, does having sex for free make you a nonprofit organization ⁉️ #askingforafriend" was posted on Twitter by That Boy Shaud on April 18, 2017.…

July 25, 2016
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“If sex is great exercise, then why are there still fat sluts?”

"If sex is great exercise, then why are there still fat sluts?" is a jocular saying that has been printed on GIFs. "If sex is such good exercise then why is there fat sluts?"…

March 24, 2024
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“If sex is the best form of exercise, why is it not readily available in the gym?”

It's sometimes said that sex is the best form of exercise. "Mel Foxon says if sex is the best form of exercise why is it not readily available in the gym??!!??!" was posted on…

December 14, 2025
Food/DrinkMedia/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If she doesn’t text you when she’s drunk, you ain’t the one”

When a woman drinks and she drunk texts, it's almost always to someone she wants the most. "If she doesn't text you when she's drunk, you ain't the one" is a saying…

December 14, 2025
Food/DrinkMedia/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If she don’t text you when she’s drunk, you ain’t the one”

When a woman drinks and she drunk texts, it's almost always to someone she wants the most. "If she doesn't text you when she's drunk, you ain't the one" is a saying…

December 13, 2025
Food/DrinkMedia/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If she drinks and you never get drunk texts, I got some bad news for you bro”

When a woman drinks and she drunk texts, it's almost always to someone she wants the most. "If she doesn't text you when she's drunk, you ain't the one" is a saying…

December 13, 2025
Food/DrinkMedia/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If she drinks and you never get drunk texts, you ain’t the one”

When a woman drinks and she drunk texts, it's almost always to someone she wants the most. "If she doesn't text you when she's drunk, you ain't the one" is a saying…

May 7, 2020
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If sheep could vote, they’d pick the guy who feeds them”

"If sheep could vote" is a political saying that has been printed on many images. The sheep would vote for the person who feeds them and fattens them up, not realizing that this is the…

September 23, 2016
Food/Drink

“If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian”

"If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian" is a saying that has been printed on many images. It is usually credited to English singer-songwriter (and vegetarian…

April 20, 2017
Education/Schools

“If sleep is so important, then why does school start so early?”

"If sleep is so important, then why does school start so early?" is a jocular one-line school saying that has been printed on many images. Many schools start the day before 9 a.m.…

July 28, 2016
Food/Drink

“If smoking is so bad for you, how come it cures salmon?”

"If smoking is so bad for you, how come it cures salmon?" is a funny one-line saying. The joke was printed in "Your Morning Smile" in The Globe and Mail (Toronto, Ontario) on…

November 18, 2017
Time/Weather

“If snow is made of water and water has no calories, how come snowmen are fat?”

"If snow is made of water and water has no calories, how come snowmen are fat?" is a jocular winter question. The one-liner was posted on Twitter by FunnyOneLiners‏ on December 13,…

January 30, 2023
Education/Schools

“If socialist college professors believed their own propaganda, wouldn’t they teach for free?”

"If socialist college professors believed their own propaganda, wouldn't they teach for free?" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "IF SOCIALIST COLLEGE PROFESSORS…

May 6, 2018
Food/Drink

“If someone has a pasta fetish, do they call it fetishinni?”

Fettuccine (a type of pasta) isn't composed of fetishes, but there are jokes. "Fetishini Alfredo #failedmenuitems" was posted on Twitter by VCTF on November 17, 2010. "Do…

July 11, 2020
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If someone is videotaping a person in a mask, is that a masking tape?”

The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in some requirements to wear face masks. Masking tape is not necessarily just for face masks, but there are jokes. "If I tear my mask, can I use…

August 1, 2025
Pets (Dogs, Cats, Horses)

“If someone isn’t kind to animals, don’t trust them”

"Never trust anyone/someone who isn't kind to animals" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Never trust a person that isn't kind to animals. Scientific…

January 24, 2018
Work/Businesses

“If someone says that they are short staffed at work, does that mean only midgets work there?”

An organization that is "short-staffed" is short of staff; the organizaton doesn't necessary have workers who aren't tall. "Are restaurants with Dwarf Waiters short…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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