“I forgot the French word for strawberry, so I looked it up in a fraise book”
"Fraise" is the French word for "strawberry." "When going on a strawberry-picking holiday in France, my advice is to get a good fraise book" was posted on Twitter on…
“I found a wallet today and as a good Christian I thought, ‘What would Jesus do?’” (joke)
A drinking joke has been printed on several images: "I found a wallet today and as a good Christian I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So i turned it into wine." "Today I…
“I found stir fry all over my bed this morning. I must have been sleep wokking again”
"Wok" can sound like "walk." Some people experience sleepwalking, and "sleep-wokking" has become a joke. "While we’re talking about sleep.. I woke up this…
“I gave up drinking on the 1st of January. It’s better for your health, and it’s only one day”
A joke at first sounds like a new year's resolution, but it isn't. "I gave up drinking on the 1st of January. It's better for your health, and it's only one day a…
“I give in to beer pressure”
"I give in to beer pressure" -- a beer pun on "peer pressure" -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I give into peer pressure" is another form…
“I got a bottle of scotch for my wife…” (joke)
New York-based comedian Henny Youngman (1906-1998) did a liquor commercial in 1972: “I got a case of Hoffman’s for my wife...that’s not a bad trade.” The line has had many variations.…
“I got booted from the coffee club because I wore a tea shirt”
"T-shirt" shouldn't be confused with "tea shirt," but there are jokes. "Got thrown out of Coffee Club. I turned up wearing a tea shirt" was posted on Twitter by…
“I got fired at the pickle factory” (joke)
One of the top sex jokes of all time is about the pickle factory worker who has an urge to put his penis in the pickle slicer. When he finally fulfills the urge, he gets fired. "What happened…
“I got food poisoning today I don’t know when I’ll use it”
"I got food poisoning today I don't know when I'll use it" (or "I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'm going to use it") is a joke that has been…
“I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’m going to use it”
"I got food poisoning today I don't know when I'll use it" (or "I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'm going to use it") is a joke that has been…
“I got hit with a can of soda. Fortunately, it was a soft drink”
A "soft drink" isn't necessarily physically soft, but there's a joke: "Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft…
“I got invited by a salad to his house. He wouldn’t lettuce leaf!”
"Lettuce leaf" sounds like "let us leave." "I remember a time my friends and I got trapped in a garden...the owners wouldn't lettuce leaf" was posted on Twitter…
“I got kicked out of the coffee club just because I wore a tea shirt”
"T-shirt" shouldn't be confused with "tea shirt," but there are jokes. "Got thrown out of Coffee Club. I turned up wearing a tea shirt" was posted on Twitter by…
“I got my first shot. And I’ll get my second shot as soon as I can get the bartender’s attention”
The COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic resulted in vaccines that usually required to shots. "Just got my first shot. I'll get my second one as soon as the bartender gets back down here"…
“I got so drunk last night I walked across the dance floor to get a drink & won a dance contest”
"I got so drunk last night, I walked across the dance floor to get another drink and won the dance contest" is a jocular saying that as been printed on many images. "Last night I was…
“I got so drunk last night, I don’t know if I found some keys or lost a car”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Twitter Sawyer Stone @FuckinnShiti sooooooo wasted I don't kno if I found some keys or lost a car2:19 PM - 26 Sep 2013 TwitterRyan @RyanGoodyerI'm so…
“I got so pissed last night, I don’t remember getting home from the kitchen” (quarantine)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic forced many people to stay at home in quarantine. "It's driving me crazy not going out. I was that pissed last night I don't remember getting home…
“I got stung by a bee yesterday. Twenty dollars for a jar of honey!”
A bee stings, but it usually doesn't have a sting operation -- that is, to catch suckers. "IT'S early evening in a south London pub and Robbie Williams -- for so long dubbed `the…
“I grew up all my life believing I was Irish. But thanks to Ancestry, I now know I’m just a drunk”
AncestryDNA tests for ethnicity. A popular St. Patrick's Day joke is about a test for Irish roots. "I grew up all my life believing I was Irish. But thanks to http://ancestry.Com I now…
“I grilled a chicken for two hours yesterday…” (joke)
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A popular joke variation is: "I grilled a chicken for two hours…