“Slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace”
"Slept like a log last night. Woke up in the fireplace" is a joke that has been printed on several images. “I slept like a log last night. I must have. I woke up in the fireplace"…
“Smoke detector batteries only go out between 1 and 3 AM”
Smoke detector batteries start ot beep when they're low, and this always seems to happen in the middle of the night. "why do smoke detector batteries only ever run down then start making…
“So apparently 50% of homeowning is hearing strange noises and hoping they are made by ghosts…”
"So apparently 50% of homeowning is hearing strange noises and hoping they are made by ghosts because I can’t afford to fix them" was posted on Twitter by Beth Boyle Machlan on December…
“So far, so good!” (Empire State Building jumper joke)
A joke is told about the "optimist" who fell or jumped off New York City's Empire State Building. As he was falling many floors, someone asked, "How's it going?" He…
“So many people have a fear of heights, but they don’t shout it from the rooftops”
People who declare something to the public are said to "shout it from the rooftops." But what about -- as a joke has it -- someone who wants to tell the world about acrophobia (fear of…
“Social tact is making your company feel thoroughly at home, even though you thoroughly wish they were”
"Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even when you wish they were" (or "Hospitality is making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they…
“Somebody broke into my house yesterday and stole all my lamps. I was delighted”
"Somebody broke into my house yesterday and stole all my lamps. I was delighted" is a jocular saying. "What happened to the electrian when the power went out? He was…
“Someone crash the housing market again so I can buy a place to live”
Many people find housing to be unaffordable. "Please crash the housing market again so I can buy up some cheap land" was posted on Twitter by governor mccheese on May 24, 2018. "I…
“Someone keeps adding soil to my allotment The plot thickens…”
"The plot thickens" usually refers to a story or situation, but there is a pun: "Someone keeps adding soil to my allotment overnight. It's an absolute mystery as to why though.…
“Sorry, I have plants this weekend”
"Sorry, I have plants this weekend" is a gardening joke version of "Sorry, I have plans this weekend" that has been printed on many images. “Sorry I have plants this…
“Spring cleaning is my favorite way to find out I’m a hoarder”
"Spring cleaning is my favorite way to find out I'm a hoarder" was posted on Twitter by The Label Villain on May 9, 2019. The saying originated on this ecard. "Spring cleaning…
“Spring cleaning is usually the time of year when I’m reminded that I’m a hoarder”
"Spring cleaning is my favorite way to find out I'm a hoarder" was posted on Twitter by The Label Villain on May 9, 2019. The saying originated on this ecard. "Spring cleaning…
“Stop blaming yourself and others. Learn Feng Shui and blame the furniture”
"Stop blaming yourself and/or others. Learn Feng Shui and blame the furniture" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "stop blaming others for the bad things that…
“Stop blaming yourself or others. Learn Feng Shui and blame the furniture”
"Stop blaming yourself and/or others. Learn Feng Shui and blame the furniture" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "stop blaming others for the bad things that…
“Strip malls are a whole lot more family friendly than they sound”
A "strip mall" doesn't have anything to do with "stripping," but it might sound like it does. "James: 'strip mall sounds cooler than it actually is'"…
“Strip malls aren’t as fun as they sound”
A "strip mall" doesn't have anything to do with "stripping," but it might sound like it does. "James: 'strip mall sounds cooler than it actually is'"…
“Strip malls aren’t as sexy as they sound”
A "strip mall" doesn't have anything to do with "stripping," but it might sound like it does. "James: 'strip mall sounds cooler than it actually is'"…
“Strip malls sound way cooler than they are”
A "strip mall" doesn't have anything to do with "stripping," but it might sound like it does. "James: 'strip mall sounds cooler than it actually is'"…
“Strippers don’t have A/C in their rooms. OnlyFans”
OnlyFans is a British content subscription service; it is popular with sex workers. OnlyFans has nothing to do with fans that generate wind, but there are jokes. "stripper bitches don’t got…
“Strippers don’t have air conditioning in their homes. OnlyFans”
OnlyFans is a British content subscription service; it is popular with sex workers. OnlyFans has nothing to do with fans that generate wind, but there are jokes. "stripper bitches don’t got…