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February 17, 2023
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“My housekeeping style can best be described as: ‘There appears to have been a struggle’”

"My housekeeping style can best be described as: "There appears to have been a struggle'" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "My housekeeping style…

September 8, 2017
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“My houseplants probably wouldn’t die so fast if they could scream for food and water like my kids”

"My houseplants probably wouldn't die so fast if they could scream for food and water like my kids do" is a jocular line that has been printed on several images. The saying probably…

May 22, 2019
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance”

"My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has sometimes been credited to American humorist Erma…

May 13, 2022
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“My inflatable house got a puncture last night. Now, I’m living in a flat”

A "flat" doesn't always mean a flat house, but there are jokes. "Our inflatable house got punctured last night so now we're living in a flat" was posted on Twitter by…

March 8, 2017
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“My kids say I’m hopeless at fixing appliances. Well, they’re in for a shock”

A joke about appliances and electricity is: "My girlfriend says I’m hopeless at fixing appliances. Well, she's in for a shock." The pun was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on April 29,,…

February 4, 2021
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“My kitchen light just went out. I have no idea where it’s going”

"My bedroom light just went out. I have no idea where it's going" was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on March 25, 2020. The joke is that the light "went out" (dark), but the…

April 15, 2026
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“My landlord is two weeks away from developing a nuclear weapon”

In politics, some countries (like the United States) take action if it appears that a country is close to acquiring nuclear weapons. This devloped into a jocular meme against landlords and…

October 20, 2017
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“My landlord wanted to come talk to me about the high heating bill. I said, ‘My door’s always open’’

"My door is always open. Hence my massive heating bill" is a joke that was posted on Twitter on April 14, 2010. A similar joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on December 20, 2014: "My…

April 20, 2020
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“My neighbor and I are good friends, so we decided to share our water supply. We got a long well”

"Got a long well" is not the same was "got along well," but there are jokes. "My neighbor and I are good friends. So we thought we share our water supply. We got a long…

August 6, 2017
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall, but it was his dumb asphalt”

"Asphalt" sounds like "ass fault." A pun was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on August 5, 2017: "My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall, but it was his dumb…

April 27, 2017
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“My neighbors listen to good music, whether they like it or not”

"My neighbors listen to good music, whether they like it or not" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "My neighbors listen to great music. Whether they…

July 4, 2024
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“My neighbors with the fireworks celebrate the twelve days of July 4th”

Some people light fireworks both before and after July 4th (Independence Day). "My neighbors with the fireworks celebrate the twelve days of July 4th" was posted on X/Twitter by Simon…

January 1, 2025
Buildings/Housing/ParksTime/Weather

“My New Year’s Resolution is for my neighbors to move”

"My New Year's Resolution is for my neighbors to move" was posted on X/Twitter by Tracie Breaux on January 1, 2013. "my new years resolution is for my neighbors to move"…

January 2, 2021
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“My New Year’s resolution is to buy a velcro wall and I plan on sticking to it”

People often don't stick to new year's resolutions, but what if they buy something velcro? "My New Years Resolution is to buy a velcro wall...and stick to it" was posted on…

June 21, 2019
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“My roommate claims I’m schizophrenic. Joke’s on him, I don’t have a roommate”

A joke is told about a schizophrenic roommate. "My roommate at Res says I'm schizophrenic, which is weird because I don't have a roommate..." was posted on Twitter by UCT…

October 30, 2018
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“My wife always prefers the stairs; I take the elevator. I guess we were raised differently”

A joke about taking the stairs versus taking the elevator was posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on October 29, 2018: "My wife always prefers the stairs, whereas I always like to take the elevator.…

October 8, 2022
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“My wife asked me what the female version of the ‘man cave’ was. I told her the kitchen”

What's the female version of a man cave? The answer of "kitchen" might get one in trouble. "The same neanderthals that came up with the term 'man cave' probably think…

March 12, 2023
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“My wife asked why I carry a gun around the house. I told her: fear of CIA. She laughed…”

A joke about home surveillance was posted on Twitter by Ron Futrell on March 7, 2017, and received over 23,700 likes: "My wife asked why I carried a gun around the house. I told her:fear of…

February 22, 2018
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“My wife is leaving me because I’ve put CCTV all round the house. I can see where she’s coming from”

Many people put closed-circuit television around their homes. "My wifes threatened to leave me because I've installed cctv all over the house......I can see where she's coming from…

March 16, 2021
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“My wife of 60 years said let’s go upstairs and make love. I told her ‘Choose one, I can’t do both’”

Climbing stairs can be a challenge as people get older. "'Old' is when your wife says 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you reply, 'Honey, I can't do…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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