“My house was clean. Then the dogs woke up. The end”
"My house was clean. Then the dogs woke up. The end" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "My house was clean. Then the dogs woke up..." was posted on X/Twitter…
“My house was clean. Then the kids woke up. The end”
"My house was clean. Then the kids woke up. The end" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "my house was clean... for about an hour. Then the kids woke up :)" was…
“My housekeeping style can best be described as: ‘There appears to have been a struggle’”
"My housekeeping style can best be described as: "There appears to have been a struggle'" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "My housekeeping style…
“My houseplants probably wouldn’t die so fast if they could scream for food and water like my kids”
"My houseplants probably wouldn't die so fast if they could scream for food and water like my kids do" is a jocular line that has been printed on several images. The saying probably…
“My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance”
"My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has sometimes been credited to American humorist Erma…
“My inflatable house got a puncture last night. Now, I’m living in a flat”
A "flat" doesn't always mean a flat house, but there are jokes. "Our inflatable house got punctured last night so now we're living in a flat" was posted on Twitter by…
“My kids say I’m hopeless at fixing appliances. Well, they’re in for a shock”
A joke about appliances and electricity is: "My girlfriend says I’m hopeless at fixing appliances. Well, she's in for a shock." The pun was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on April 29,,…
“My kitchen light just went out. I have no idea where it’s going”
"My bedroom light just went out. I have no idea where it's going" was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on March 25, 2020. The joke is that the light "went out" (dark), but the…
“My landlord is two weeks away from developing a nuclear weapon”
In politics, some countries (like the United States) take action if it appears that a country is close to acquiring nuclear weapons. This devloped into a jocular meme against landlords and…
“My landlord wanted to come talk to me about the high heating bill. I said, ‘My door’s always open’’
"My door is always open. Hence my massive heating bill" is a joke that was posted on Twitter on April 14, 2010. A similar joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on December 20, 2014: "My…
“My neighbor and I are good friends, so we decided to share our water supply. We got a long well”
"Got a long well" is not the same was "got along well," but there are jokes. "My neighbor and I are good friends. So we thought we share our water supply. We got a long…
“My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall, but it was his dumb asphalt”
"Asphalt" sounds like "ass fault." A pun was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on August 5, 2017: "My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall, but it was his dumb…
“My neighbors listen to good music, whether they like it or not”
"My neighbors listen to good music, whether they like it or not" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "My neighbors listen to great music. Whether they…
“My neighbors with the fireworks celebrate the twelve days of July 4th”
Some people light fireworks both before and after July 4th (Independence Day). "My neighbors with the fireworks celebrate the twelve days of July 4th" was posted on X/Twitter by Simon…
“My New Year’s Resolution is for my neighbors to move”
"My New Year's Resolution is for my neighbors to move" was posted on X/Twitter by Tracie Breaux on January 1, 2013. "my new years resolution is for my neighbors to move"…
“My New Year’s resolution is to buy a velcro wall and I plan on sticking to it”
People often don't stick to new year's resolutions, but what if they buy something velcro? "My New Years Resolution is to buy a velcro wall...and stick to it" was posted on…
“My roommate claims I’m schizophrenic. Joke’s on him, I don’t have a roommate”
A joke is told about a schizophrenic roommate. "My roommate at Res says I'm schizophrenic, which is weird because I don't have a roommate..." was posted on Twitter by UCT…
“My wife always prefers the stairs; I take the elevator. I guess we were raised differently”
A joke about taking the stairs versus taking the elevator was posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on October 29, 2018: "My wife always prefers the stairs, whereas I always like to take the elevator.…
“My wife asked me what the female version of the ‘man cave’ was. I told her the kitchen”
What's the female version of a man cave? The answer of "kitchen" might get one in trouble. "The same neanderthals that came up with the term 'man cave' probably think…
“My wife asked why I carry a gun around the house. I told her: fear of CIA. She laughed…”
A joke about home surveillance was posted on Twitter by Ron Futrell on March 7, 2017, and received over 23,700 likes: "My wife asked why I carried a gun around the house. I told her:fear of…