What's in an air and space museum? Just air and space? "I want my money back. I went to the air and space museum and there was nothing in it. http://bit.ly/NpDLu7 via @sickipedia"…
"Went to the corner shop -- bought four corners" is on several lists of the funniest jokes of all time. The joke has been credited to British prop comedian Tommy Cooper (1921-1984), but…
A mole could be cancer -- or it could just be a garden animal. "I went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole. He said they all look that way and I should have left him in the…
People often ask about "the best exercise to lose weight." There are at least two ways, and they both involve saying "no" to food. “'The best exercise I know of,'…
Grocery stores often have a sign that says "No food or drink inside." The sign means that customers shouldn't bring food or drink inside the store, but it can be read the wrong way.…
"Out of stock" means that a business has no more of an item. It shouldn't be confused with the "stock" that is broth (bouillon), but there are jokes. "I went to buy…
Sprite (a lemon and lime-flavored soft drink) is often mistaken for 7 Up, and there's a popular joke. "@davelee Just been done for shoplifting in Tesco. Thought I'd gone to the…
The IKEA furniture store can be confusing to many people, who have compared it to leaving an escape room. "Me all the time: this IKEA is the worst escape room ever." was posted on Twitter…
"Bred in captivity" is sometimes punned as "bread in captivity." A joke was posted on Twitter by "milk" on August 21, 2011: "I went to the zoo and saw a piece…
A joke about surveillance mentions Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, Amazon Alexa and/or Apple's Siri. "My son asked me why I speak so softly in the house. I said I was afraid the NSA was…
"I will be back on my feet once the coffee reaches life supporting levels" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. There are several slight variations. "I'll be…
"I will be back on my feet once the coffee reaches life supporting levels" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. There are several slight variations. "I'll be…
"Sending W-2s out to everyone who's been in my business all year" (or "I will be mailing out W-2s on January 2nd for everyone who was in my business this year") is a…
"I will bring you down to Chinatown!" is what actor Robert De Niro said to Ben Stiller in the film comedy Meet the Parents (2000). De Niro meant that he would rough Stiller up (maybe with…
"I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I care what anyone thinks of me" (or "I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a fuck about your opinion of me") is a…
"Take the money and run" is a common expression to describe a scammer who will run off with someone's money. "Never donate money to anyone collecting for a marathon. They just…
Many people don't like visitors at their home. "I don't have a welcome mat at my door/ouse because I'm not a liar" is a saying that has been printed on many images. There…
Many people want to research their ancestry. "will never understand people's fascination with their ancestry, isn't knowing your current family bad enough" was posted on…
"I will not be seen, until I have my caffeine" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "I will not be seen until I have my CAFFEINE" (shown on a sign) was…
Many people prepare for an extreme weather event by buying snacks, but then there's the temptation to immediately eat them. "I WILL NOT EAT MY [HURRICANE/SNOWSTORM] SNACKS EARLY" is…