“If you kick me when I’m down, you better pray I don’t get up”
"If you kick me when I'm down, you better pray I don't get up" (or "Never kick me when I'm down, because when I get back up...you're fucked") is a saying…
Big Nipple (Los Angeles nickname)
“If you know beans about chili, you know that chili has no beans” (1976)
"If you know beans about chili, you know that chili has no beans" is a 1976 song by Ken Finlay, owner of the Cheatham Street Warehouse in San Marcos, Texas. The song has been sung at many…
“If you know how many calories are in your cinnamon bun, you’re eating it wrong”
Some people believe that the correct way to eat a cinnamon bun is not to think about the calories. This was posted on X/Twitter by bubble girl on March 13, 2015: "If you know how many calories…
“If you know how to cheat, start now”
When pitcher Ross Grimsley was with the Baltimore Orioles (1974-77), he had a very bad outing. Either Orioles Manager Earl Weaver (1930-2013) or Orioles Pitching Coach George Bamberger (1923-2004)…
“If you know someone who is effortlessly happy in the morning, that is a demon. You’re friends with a demon”
Many people are not morning people. "If you know someone who is effortlessly happy in the morning, that is a demon. You're friends with a demon" is a jocular saying that has been…
“If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster”
Can cooking alphabet soup spell trouble? "If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster. (Pun of the Day)" was posted on the newsgroup Google Groups:…
“If you leave an alcoholic drink for Santa this year, it must be accompanied by a substantial meal”
The 2020 COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic closed many bars and restaurants. Some bars were allowed to serve drinks, but only if the establishment also served a "substantial meal."…
“If you leave your children a world where you never stood up, they’ll get one where they can’t”
"If you leave your children a world where you never stood up, they’ll inherit a world where they can’t" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "parents, IF YOU LEAVE…
“If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it”
"If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it" is a popular joke, meaning that the $20 (that is not paid back) is a small sum to be rid of an…
“If you let a grilled cheese get cold, it becomes chilled grease”
"Grilled cheese" has a spoonerism in "chilled grease." "JUST before Sunday supper, a Des Moines man asked his daughter if she would like a chilled grease sandwich" was…
“If you let politicians break the law in an emergency, they will create an emergency…”
Government often has "emergency" exceptions to laws. "If you let the government break the law because of an 'emergency', they will always create an 'emergency' to…
“If you let social media get to you, I can imagine what real life be doing to your ass”
Many people take social media much too seriously. "If you let social media get to you i can only imagine what real life does to you" was posted on Twitter by Shiloh_ on August 9, 2017.…
“If you let social media get to you, I can only imagine what real life does to you”
Many people take social media much too seriously. "If you let social media get to you i can only imagine what real life does to you" was posted on Twitter by Shiloh_ on August 9, 2017.…
“If you let the government break the law because of an ‘emergency’...”
Government often has "emergency" exceptions to laws. "If you let the government break the law because of an 'emergency', they will always create an 'emergency' to…
“If you let them use you as a lab rat, don’t be surprised when they put you in a cage”
A 15-minute city is a planned living environment that some governments are forcing on citizens. "IF YOU LET THEM USE YOU AS A LAB RAT, DON'T BE SURPRISED WHEN THEY PUT YOU IN A CAGE…
“If you like pinochle otters…” (The Piña Colada Song mondegreen)
"Do/If you like pinochle otters" is a mondegreen (misheard lyric) of "If you like piña coladas" in "The Piña Colada Song" (1979). Pinochle otters have been shown on…
“If you like subpoena coladas, and getting caught in Ukraine”
Piña colada (a cocktail) has nothing to do with subpoenas, but there are lawyer jokes. "Am I a lawyer? Lemme see ... I failed my bar exam (added too much rum to the subpoena colada), so the…
“If you like that hotel chain so much, why don’t you Marriott?”
"Marriott" hotels sounds like "marry it," and there are jokes. "If you love a certain hotel, why don't you marriott?" was posted on Facebook by Tariq Shah on July…
“If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right”
Apple Inc. founder Steve Jobs (1955-2011) delivered an emotional and personal commencement address at Stanford University in 2005: "When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like:…
“If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee”
"If you ever live in a community run by a committee, be on the committee" has been credited to American social scientist William Graham Sumner (1840-1910). It's uncertain when he…