“If money talks, they why do we need bank tellers?”
"Money talks” (meaning that money has influence) is an old financial saying, cited in print in various forms from before 1700. "Money talks" was printed in several American…
Big Nipple (Los Angeles nickname)
“If more government is the answer, then it was a really stupid question”
"If government is the answer, it was a stupid question" is an anti-government saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "If more government is the answer,…
“If Mr. & Mrs. Potato Head are no longer male and female, does this mean no more tater tots?”
On February 25, 2021, the Hasbro toy company announced that "Mr. Potato Head" and "Mrs. Potato Head" would be the gender neutral "Potato Head." "If there’s no…
“If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere”
"If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there" is a jocular anti-jogging saying that has been printed on many images. The saying…
“If my boss knew how unproductive I am on Fridays, he wouldn’t want me here, either”
"If my boss knew how unproductive I am on Fridays, he wouldn’t want me here, either" is a jocular one-line saying about Fridays that has been printed on many images. "If my boss…
“If my calculations are correct, I have absolutely no money”
"If my calculations are correct, I have no money" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The joke is that the speaker probably knew about the lack of money and didn't have…
“If my calculations are correct, I have no money”
"If my calculations are correct, I have no money" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The joke is that the speaker probably knew about the lack of money and didn't have…
“If my cat makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room”
"If my cat/dog/pet makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The joke is that the pet is not being locked in…
“If my dog makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room”
"If my cat/dog/pet makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The joke is that the pet is not being locked in…
“If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first”
"If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. It can be difficult to get a family to help clean a…
“If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they’d leave that one on, too”
Children leave lots of lights on. "If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they'd leave that one on, too" is a jocular saying that as been printed on many images. "If my…
“If my last name was Pepper, you can bet your ass I’d have gone to medical school”
Dr Pepper is a carbonated soft drink. "If my last name was pepper I would go to medical school" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Charles Rogers on February 8, 2014. "if my…
“If my pet makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room”
"If my cat/dog/pet makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The joke is that the pet is not being locked in…
“If NASA really wants to find water on Mars, they should just send me there to hit a golf ball”
The golf balls of many golfers always seem to find water. "IF NASA REALLY WANTS TO FIND WATER ON MARS, THEY SHOULD JUST SEND ME THERE TO HIT A GOLF BALL" is a joke that was featured in a…
“If nature didn’t make it, don’t take it”
"If nature didn't make it, don't take it" is a health saying that has beenprinted on many images. The saying is usually attributed to Alfredo Darrington Bowman (1933-2016), also…
“If nature doesn’t make it, don’t take it”
"If nature didn't make it, don't take it" is a health saying that has beenprinted on many images. The saying is usually attributed to Alfredo Darrington Bowman (1933-2016), also…
“If nature don’t make it, don’t take it”
"If nature didn't make it, don't take it" is a health saying that has beenprinted on many images. The saying is usually attributed to Alfredo Darrington Bowman (1933-2016), also…
“If nominated I will not accept, and if elected I will not serve”
"If nominated I will not accept/run, (and) if elected I will not serve" is the famous "Sherman statement" on declining to run for political office, but William Tecumseh Sherman…
“If not us, who? If not now, when?”
"If not us, who? If not now, when?" This quotation is similar to what Rabbi Hillel the Elder wrote in the Pirkay Avot: "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for…
“If nothing sticks to Teflon, how does Teflon stick to the pan?”
"If nothing sticks to Teflon, how does Teflon stick to the pan?" is a standard joke on many Internet websites. "How do they make Teflon stick to the pan?" has been cited in…