“I never realized how short a month was until I started paying bills”
"I never realized how short a month is until I started paying bills" -- that is, there's not enough money to pay monthly expenses -- is a one-line saying that has been printed on…
Nicknames/Slogans
“I never run with scissors. Those last two words were unnecessary”
"I never run with scissors. Those last two words were unnecessary" is a jocular anti-running saying that has been printed on many images. Children are often told not to run while carrying…
“I never see a whole family driving in a cyber truck. It’s always one man all alone”
Many people do not like Tesla Cybertrucks, and make fun of the drivers and owners. "I never see a whole family driving in a cyber truck. It’s always one man all alone" was posted on…
“I never thought ‘I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 10-foot pole’ would become a national policy”
"I wouldn't touch him/her with a ten-foot pole" was a common expression of avoidance in the United States in the 20th century. The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic created social…
“I never thought ‘I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot pole’ would become a national policy”
"I wouldn't touch him/her with a ten-foot pole" was a common expression of avoidance in the United States in the 20th century. The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic created social…
“I never thought I would see the day when weed was easier to get than toilet paper”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak caused panic buying and shortages in toilet paper and hand sanitizer. "Two weeks left to stock up cookies! They're a lot easier to get than toilet…
“I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise…”
"I never thought I'd be the kind of person who'd wake up early in the morning to exercise...And I was right" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I…
“I never thought I’d get into Feng Shui, but oh, how the tables have turned”
Feng shui is a Chinese philosophical system of harmony that is reflected is many building designs. A "turn the tables" pun is often made. "People used to believe in Feng Shui. But…
“I never thought in my entire life that my hands would consume more alcohol than my mouth”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many people to use alcohol-based sanitizers on their hands. "I never thought in my entire life that my hands would consume more alcohol than my…
“I never understood school shooting jokes. I guess they’re aimed at a younger audience”
"Iv never understood school shooting jokes. I guess they are aimed at a younger audience" is a dark humor joke that was posted on Twitter by January Q Systemfoo on June 2, 2014. "I…
“I never understood why people follow you on social media but don’t like you in real life”
"if you don’t like me there should be no reason why you have me on social media" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Facebook by Dionna Dionna on…
“I never use body butter. I don’t want to make myself irresistible to cannibals”
There's a difference between dairy butter (a food product) and body butter (a skin product), but a joke is: "I never use body butter. I don't want to make myself irresistible to…
“I never used to warm up my Thanksgiving leftovers, but then I quit cold turkey”
"Cold turkey" (an abrupt cessation of a substance dependence) has nothing to do with Thanksgiving leftovers, but there are jokes. "Show me a man who throws Thanksgiving leftovers in…
“I never vote for anybody; I always vote against”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikiquote: W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields (29 January 1880 – 25 December 1946), born William Claude Dukenfield, was an American Actor and Comedian. Sourced. I never voted for…
“I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m a professional now… I dislike the whole week”
Many people dislike Monday, which is the traditional start to the work week. "I no longer dislike Mondays, I'm mature now... I dislike the whole week" is a jocular saying that has…
“I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week”
Many people dislike Monday, which is the traditional start to the work week. "I no longer dislike Mondays, I'm mature now... I dislike the whole week" is a jocular saying that has…
“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now change your Facebook status”
"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now change your Facebook status" -- a joke illustrating the importance of social media -- has been printed on several images. The usual…
“I occasionally enjoy having my steak undercooked…but that’s rare”
A joke about ordering steak was posted on Twitter by Crap Jokes on April 1, 2015: "I occasionally enjoy having my steak undercooked...but that’s rare." The one-line saying has been…
“I once dated a champion snow skier, but our relationship went downhill fast”
Many skiing jokes have it that things started off OK, but "went downhill." "couple met on ski trip? .things went downhill after that" was posted on X/Twitter by Mick O Callaghan…
“I once entered the World Kleptomaniac Championships. I took gold, silver and bronze”
"I entered a kleptomania competition. I got gold, silver and bronze" was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on May 28, 2019, and again on Reddit -- Dadjokes on June 21, 2019. "I once…