“Finish your salad. A thousand islands died to make that dressing”
There aren't a thousand islands in each bottle of "Thousand Island dressing," but there have been jokes. Rachelle Mandik posted on Twitter on January 21, 2016: "Finish your…
Work/Businesses
“Firearms imply the existence of eartharms, windarms, and waterarms”
"If regular guns are firearms, squirt guns should be called waterarms" was posted on Twitter by [Cat face]ri-Warui on October 24, 2017. "If guns are firearms, then are squirt guns…
“Firearms…are the American people’s liberty teeth” (George Washington?)
George Washington (1732-1799) is sometimes given credit for a "liberty teeth" quotation supporting the second amendment right to bear arms, but the quotation has been identified as bogus…
“Firefighters never want the option of working from home”
"It's always good to find out you're going to be working from home, unless you're a fireman" is a jocular one-line saying from English writer and stand-up comedian Gary…
“Firefighters run into a burning building when everyone else is running out”
An adage about the bravery -- or insanity -- of firefighters is that they run into a burning building when every else is running out. (The adage sometimes says that the "rats and roaches"…
“Firings will continue until morale improves” (personnel policy joke)
"The firings/floggings/beatings will continue until morale improves" is a humorous saying that has been put on many signs and plaques. "Layoffs will continue until morale…
“First coffee and then the world”
"First coffee and then the world" (or "Coffee and then the world") is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "first coffee, then the world" was posted…
“First coffee, then on to today’s episode of ‘Now what?’”
"First coffee, then we move on to today's episode of 'Now what?'" (or "First coffee, then on to today's episode of 'Now what?'") is a jocular…
“First coffee, then presents”
"First coffee, then presents" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying means to have a cup of coffee first, and then open Christmas presents later. "Merry…
“First coffee, then the world”
"First coffee and then the world" (or "Coffee and then the world") is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "first coffee, then the world" was posted…
“First coffee, then we move on to today’s episode of ‘Now what?’”
"First coffee, then we move on to today's episode of 'Now what?'" (or "First coffee, then on to today's episode of 'Now what?'") is a jocular…
“First day running my family fruit & veg delivery service and my wife is already driving me bananas”
"Driving me bananas" usually means "driving me crazy," but some jokes involve literal driving of bananas. "First day running my family fruit and veg delivery service and my…
“First draft of history” (journalism)
It's often said that newspapers publish "the first (rough) draft of history." Washington (DC) Post publisher Phil Graham (1915-1963) is frequently credited with the saying, but he…
“First get on, then get honor, then get honest”
"A lawyer must first get on, then get honor, and then get honest" is an old legal saying, usually given "anonymous" authorship. The saying has been recorded in print by at least…
“First I drink the coffee. Then I do the things”
"First I drink the coffee. Then I do the things" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "First I drink the coffee then I do the things" was posted on Twitter…
“First I drink the coffee. Then I save the lives”
"First I drink the coffee. Then I do the things" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "First I drink the coffee then I do the things" was posted on Twitter…
“First I drink the coffee. Then I teach the kids”
"First I drink the coffee. Then I do the things" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "First I drink the coffee then I do the things" was posted on Twitter…
“First is first and second is last” (sports adage)
"First is first and second is last" has been cited in print since at least March 1980, when it was credited to American Olympic swimmer Steve Lundquist. Lundquist -- an Olympic gold…
“First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the treasure chest”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Google BooksThe Australian Mathematics TeacherVolumes 41-421985Pg. ?:The following incomplete rhyme is popular in our neighbourhood: First the worst, second the best,…
“First rule of family gatherings, always bring your own vehicle so you can leave when you want”
"1st rule of family gatherings always bring your own vehicle so you can leave when you want" was posted on Twitter by CARI on January 12, 2019. The tweet received over 110,000 likes, and…