“Diner: I’ve tasted fresher fish. Waiter: Not in here!” (Jewish joke)
A Jewish joke involves a diner (named Frieda or Freda or Miriam or Ethel or Izzy) who complains about a restaurant's food. "I've tasted fresher fish," the diner says. "Not…
Work/Businesses
“Diner: Is soup on the menu? Waiter: No, I wiped it off.”
An old restaurant joke about something "on the menu" is: Customer: "Is there any soup on the menu today?"Waiter: "There was, sir, but I just wiped it off." The joke…
“Diner: There’s a button in my salad. Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing.”
A restaurant joke is: Diner: Waiter, there's a button in my salad. Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing. The oldest form of the joke was printed in the Anthony (KS)…
“Diner: This coffee tastes like mud. Waiter: Well, it was ground this morning!”
A diner at a restaurant complains that the coffee tastes like mud. The waiter remarks: "It should be! It was ground this morning!" This well-known coffee joke (a pun on the noun and the…
“Diner: Waiter, I’m in a hurry! Will the pancakes be long? Waiter: No, they’ll be round.”
A joke about ordering pancakes in a restaurant is: Diner: Waiter, I’m in a hurry! Will the pancakes be long? Waiter: No, they'll be round. The joke was printed in many newspapers in June…
“Diner: Waiter, will my pizza be long? Waiter: No, sir, it will be round.”
A joke about ordering pizza in a restaurant is: Diner: Waiter, will my pizza be long?Waiter: No, sir, it will be round. The joke was posted to the newsgroup alt.smokers.pipes on November 10, 2003.…
“Diner: What’s wrong with these eggs I ordered? Waiter: Don’t ask me. I only laid the table.”
A restaurant joke is: Diner: What's wrong with these eggs I ordered? Waiter: Don't ask me. I only laid the table. "Small Girl: 'Where did the funny little eggs come from, do you…
“Dining In A Rough Restaurant: Hurry, Otherwise Expect Accidents” (“diarrhoea” backronym)
"Diarrhea” ("diarrhoea" is the popular spelling in the UK) is a difficult word to spell. Many people use a backronym (back acronym) or mnemonic. "Dining In A Rough Restaurant:…
“Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off”
"Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off" is a joke that means the cook always burns the meal. The joke has been cited in print from at least 1983 and has been printed on many…
“Dinner is where the magic happens in the kitchen”
"Dinner is where the magic happens in the kitchen" is a food saying that has been printed on many images. American author Kris Carr is usually credited. "Dinner is where the magic…
“Dinosaurs had no beer. How did that work out?”
"Dinosaurs had no beer! How did that work out?" is a jocular beer saying that has been printed on many images."Dinosaurs had no beer.. How did that work out🐸☕️" was…
“Dinosaurs had no coffee. How did that work out?”
"Dinosaurs had no coffee. How did that work out?" (or "Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out") is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images.…
“Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out”
"Dinosaurs had no coffee. How did that work out?" (or "Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out") is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images.…
“Diploma: Remembrance of things passed”
A jocular definition or "daffynition" was published in The Wall Street Journal on March 29, 1967: Diploma: Remembrance of things passed.-- Percy Verance. "Percy Verance" (the…
“Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘nice doggie’ until you can find a rock”
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggie' until you can find a rock" means that a diplomat uses flattery until a country has strength and no longer needs such weak…
“Diplomacy without force is like an orchestra without instruments”
"Diplomacy without force is like an orchestra without instruments" is a saying that has been credited to several people, such as Napoléon Bonaparte (1769-1821), Frederick II (1712-1786)…
“Directing is 90 percent casting” (theatre adage)
"Directing is 80/90 percent casting" has been credited to directors Elia Kazan (1909-2003), William Wyler (1902-1981), John Ford (1894-1973), John Huston (1906-1987), Martin Ritt…
“Directions: Allow food to sit and cool for five minutes before eating. Me: No.”
Some people don't want to wait for food to cool before they eat it. This was posted on X/Twitter by Abby Heugel on December 14, 2017: "Directions: Allow food to sit and cool for five…
“Dirt and bling. It’s a softball thing”
"Dirt and bling. It's a softball thing" is a saying about women's softball that has been printed on many images. "Dirt and Bling , it's a Softball thing !!" was…
“Disability is not inability” (“Disability does not mean inability”)
"Disability is not inability" (or "disability does not mean inability") is a popular saying about people with disabilities. "Disability does not mean inability" was…