“Can you strangle a mime with a cordless phone?”
Many people hate mimes. "I just strangled a mime with a cordless phone" was posted on Twitter by Jason Maybe on January 22, 2011. "I just strangled a mime.... With a cordless…
Work/Businesses
“Can you tell me the Japanese word for a ninja throwing star?”/“Sure I can.”
A "shuriken" is a Japanese concealed weapon. "Shuriken" sounds like "sure I can," and there are jokes. "If you were to ask, 'Can you tell me the Japanese…
“Can you tell me when the next train is coming?”/“Look online.” (“on line” pun)
"Online" (on the internet) is different than "on line" (as in a train track). "So i said to this bloke how can i find out when's the next train. He said look online i…
“Can you tell me when the next train is coming?”/“Look online.” (joke)
"Online" (on the internet) is different than "on line" (as in a train track). "So i said to this bloke how can i find out when's the next train. He said look online i…
“Can you turn on the oven?”/“The oven simply does not find me sexually attractive.”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterAta Dirilgen@Ata_DirilgenText from my mom: Can you turn on the oven?My answer: I've done everything I can, the oven just doesnt find me sexually…
“Can you use ‘Mountain Dew’ in a sentence?” (“Mount and Do” pun)
Mountain Dew is a carbonated soft drink that was invented in 1940. A popular joke on the name is: Girl: "Can you use 'Mountain Dew' in a sentence?"Guy: "Yes, can I…
“Can zombies do yoga?”/“Of corpse knot!”
A zombie riddle was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on October 19, 2021: Q: Can zombies do yoga?A: Of corpse knot! "Of corpse knot" is a pun on "of course not." Reddit --…
“Can’t dance and it’s too wet to plow”
"Can't dance and it's too wet to plow" means the same as "might as well" (that is, there's nothing else one can do). The phrase is cited in Ken Kesey's…
“Can’t even rob Peter to pay Paul anymore… Peter ain’t got it either”
"Can't even rob Peter to pay Paul anymore... Peter ain't got it either" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "To rob Peter to pay Paul" is an old saying…
“Can’t fight his way out of a paper bag”
A boxer who "can't fight/hit/punch his way out of a paper bag" is a very poor fighter. "From his appearance, one wouldn't think he was husky enough to punch his way out of…
“Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly”
"Can't find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly" is a jocular one-line saying about wifi that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on…
“Can’t hit the broad side of a barn” (baseball saying)
A marksman who "can't hit the broad side (broadside) of a barn" is a very poor marksman. "You can't hit the broadside of a barn!" was cited in print in 1852. The idiom…
“Can’t rub two nickels together” (poor)
A person who "can't rub two pennies/nickels/dimes/quarters/dollars together" is a person who doesn't have much money. "Not in a position to rub two pennies together"…
“Can’t wait to make a huge Thanksgiving dinner so my child can eat one roll”
Many people prepare a huge Thanksgiving feast, but one person (usually a daughter) doesn't eat much. "Pretty excited about making a huge Thanksgiving feast so my daughter can eat a…
“Can’t wait until they legalize outside”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many people to be quarantined in their homes. "Stay at home" was frequently advised. "can’t wait til they legalize outside" was…
“Can’t believe they let just anyone make babies but you gotta have a license to fucking fish”
"Can’t believe they let just anyone make babies but you gotta have a license to fucking fish" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The actor Keanu Reeves said in the…
“Can’t wait for the day I walk down the aisle and hear those magical words: ‘Captain speaking…’”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic restricted air travel, and many people couldn't wait to be in an airplane again. "Can't wait to walk down the aisle someday... and hear those…
“Can’t wait til they legalize outside”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many people to be quarantined in their homes. "Stay at home" was frequently advised. "can’t wait til they legalize outside" was…
“Can’t wait til tomorrow. I have another big day of hand washing & looking out the window planned”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in many people quarantining themselves in their homes. Boredom resulted. "I slept 14 hours last night absolutely locked and fuckin loaded for a big…
“Can’t wait till they legalize outside”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many people to be quarantined in their homes. "Stay at home" was frequently advised. "can’t wait til they legalize outside" was…