“When vegetables get a vasectomy they get the parsnip”
"Parsnip" sounds to some people, perhaps, like "parts snip." "A parsnip is also the best vegetable for performing dad's vasectomy" was posted on Twitter on April…
Neighborhoods
“When Wall Street sneezes, the rest of the world catches pneumonia” (“When America sneezes…”)
Wall Street influences Main Street and even the rest of the world. "When Wall Street sneezes," the saying goes, "the rest of the world catches pneumonia." The phrase has several…
“When we changed the clocks, we went from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone!”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic affected many Americans starting in March 2020. "I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks earlier this month we’d go from standard…
“When we do go back to work, we’re going to need at least a week’s notice to find our pants”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many people to stay in their homes -- where they did not dress formally. "Honest confession: If everyone was healthy and we could all go back to work…
“When we grow up, checking for monsters under the bed becomes checking our bank accounts”
"When we grow up, checking for monsters under the bed becomes checking our bank accounts. Equally terrifying" and "As an adult, checking the bank account is the equivalent of…
“When we lose God, it is not God who is lost”
"When we lose God, it is not God who is lost" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "When we lose God, it is not God who is lost.…
“When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost”
The following three lines were printed in 1882 and credited as "Motto on the walls of a school in Germany"" When wealth is lost, nothing is lost;When health is lost, something is…
“When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but 10 extra pounds on hips, thighs and rear”
The classic Christmas poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas" contains the lines: "When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer."…
“When will people stop eating ground pork?”/“When pigs fly.”
"When pigs fly” is an old saying about an impossibility and a time that never comes. "Until pigs fly, all pork is ground pork" was posted on Twitter by Ejigantor on October 15,…
“When work feels overwhelming, remember that you’re going to die”
"When work feels overwhelming, remember that you're going to die" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many ecards. The saying has been cited in print since at least…
“When writing the story of your life, don’t let someone else hold the pen”
"When writing the story of your life, don’t let someone else hold the pen" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. "I like this RT @MidnightViews: When…
“When you allow people to choose between the corrupt and the stupid, they will go for the corrupt”
"When you allow people to choose between the corrupt and the stupid, they will go for the corrupt" was said by Arthur J. Finkelstein, the New York-born political consultant, about the…
“When you answer the door, wear a coat. If you’re pleased to see them, tell them you’ve just got home…”
"Always answer the door with your coat on. If it's someone you like, you can tell them you just got home. If it's someone you don't like, you can tell them you were just…
“When you are crying you should be buying; When you are yelling you should be selling”
A bit of rhyming investment advice is: "When everyone's crying you should be buying. When everyone's yelling you should be selling." In other words, do the opposite of what…
“When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra”
Many students do not like to study algebra and do not use the learning after their school years. "Our favorite chuckle from McCall's mag: when you are dissatisfied and would like to go…
“When you are late for work, just walk in fast into the office and say ‘wow, just help me thank God I am alive today’”
If you're late for work, don't walk in with a smile on your face. Look angry or mad, as if the traffic, or a delayed bus or train, or something else held you back from that wonderful work…
“When you burn your mouth, it’s the food cooking you back”
"When you burn your mouth, it's the food cooking you back" is a jocular food saying that was posted on Re3ddit -- Showerthoughts on January 31, 2018. "When you get burned while…
“When you buy a bigger bed you have more bed room, but less bedroom”
A bedroom is a room for a bed. This was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts on March 30, 2016: "When you buy a bigger bed you have more bed room and less bedroom." Reddit --…
“When you buy Halloween candy as an adult, you’re paying for free candy you got as a kid”
"When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it’s like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid" was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts on October 31,…
“When you can’t find the sunshine, be the sunshine”
"If/When you can't find the sunshine, be the sunshine" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. "Sunshine" means "happiness" -- if you…