“I keep asking what LGBTQ stands for, but I never get a straight answer”
Many people are confused by initials such as "LGBT" and "LGBTQ." A joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on January 28, 2019: "Every time I ask someone what the acronym LGBTQ…
Food/Drink
“I keep hitting the space bar, but I’m still on Earth”
"I keep hitting/pressing the space bar, but I'm still on earth" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "i got a text last night that said 'madison. there…
“I keep imagining I’m holding an invisible pack of cards. No one knows what I’m dealing with”
The expression “to deal with” usually doesn’t involve playing cards, but there are jokes. "I keep imagining I'm holding an invisible pack of cards. No one knows what I'm…
“I keep my hot sauce in the refrigerator. Now it’s just sauce”
"Hot sauce" is sometimes stored in the refrigerator and, yes, it is still "hot" (spicy). However, many people still wonder about the process. "If you put hot sauce in the…
“I keep pre cooked bacon in my fridge that I call ‘Hurricane Bacon’...”
"I keep pre cooked bacon in my fridge that I call 'Hurricane Bacon.' When the Hurricane hits, I put that bacon in my pocket, so if I get buried in a pile of rubble, the search dogs…
“I keep pressing the space bar, but I’m still on Earth”
"I keep hitting/pressing the space bar, but I'm still on earth" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "i got a text last night that said 'madison. there…
“I keep randomly shouting out ‘Broccoli’ and ‘Cauliflower’—I think I might have florets”
"Florets" sounds a bit like "Tourette's," and there have been jokes. "@funnyhumour i cant stop shouting and swearing whenever brocolli or cauliflower are on the menu.…
“I keep shouting out the names of castles. I think I’ve got Turrets”
Tourette syndrome shouldn't be confused with "turret," but there are jokes. "I have developed Turrets Syndrome. I inappropriately and inadvertantly shout out names of castles…
“I keep trying to buy a grocery checkout divider, but the cashier keeps putting it back”
How can one buy a supermarket divider? The cashier keeps putting it back! "I keep trying to buy the little divider thing at the check stand and the cashier keeps putting it back. Stuck in a…
“I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me”
"I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me" is a popular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts, posters and bumper stickers. A version of the joke…
“I keep trying to remember to buy new Post-It notes, but I don’t have anything to remind me”
Post-It notes are reminders, but when they run out, how does someone remember to buy more? "I keep forgetting to buy new Post-its because I have nothing left I can use to remind me to buy new…
“I kicked some dropped ice cubes under the refrigerator. It’s now water under the fridge”
“Lazy rule: If ice falls, kick it under the refrigerator” is a rule about dropped ice cubes. Does the ice then become "water under the fridge" (a pun on "water under the…
“I kinda wish Dolly sang 10-2 instead”
"9 to 5" is a 1980 song written and recorded by American entertainer Dolly Parton
“I kinda wish Dolly sang 10-3 instead”
"9 to 5" is a 1980 song written and recorded by American entertainer Dolly Parton
“I kiss better than I cook”
"Kiss the cook" is an old food saying. "I kiss better than I cook" is a saying that has been on T-shirts, refrigerator magnets and other gift items since at least 2002.…
“I knew a guy who collected candy canes. They were all in mint condition”
Are candy canes always in "mint" (peppermint) condition? "I might as well reuse last year's candy canes. After all, they are in mint condition" was posted on Twitter on…
“I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early”
New York Yankee catcher Yogi Berra is known for his quotations ("Berraisms") as well as his play. The Yankees were playing the Brooklyn Dodgers in the 1947 World Series, and Berra was…
“I knew school wasn’t for me when I cheated on a test and still failed”
Failing a test is bad. Failing an open book test very bad. Cheating and still failing a test is also very bad. "#worstfeeling cheating on a test and still failing smh" was posted on…
“I knew school wasn’t for me when I failed an open book test”
Failing a test is bad. Failing an open book test very bad. Cheating and still failing a test is also very bad. "#worstfeeling cheating on a test and still failing smh" was posted on…
“I knew summer was coming and I just kept eating”
People usually try to get in shape for the summer, when the weather is warmer and they will be wearing less clothing. "You knew summer was coming and you just kept eating" (or "You…