“I either drink coffee or I say bad words to strangers”
"I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding, I do both" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I either drink COFFEE or say bad words to strangers" was…
Food/Drink
“I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding, I do both”
"I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding, I do both" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I either drink COFFEE or say bad words to strangers" was…
“I either drink coffee or say bad words to everyone”
"I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding, I do both" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I either drink COFFEE or say bad words to strangers" was…
“I endorse podiums. That’s a product I can stand behind!”
Several jokes state that a podium is a product that a salesman can stand behind. However, you stand on a podium, and you stand behind a lectern. "It must really suck to be a podium salesman.…
“I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my sarcasm”
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many…
“I enjoy long romantic walks in Costco”
Entry in progress -- BP Wikipedia: CostcoCostco Wholesale Corporation (doing business as Costco Wholesale and also known simply as Costco) is an American multinational corporation which operates a…
“I enjoy long, romantic walks…to the fridge”
"I enjoy long, romantic walks...to the fridge" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters, T-shirts and coffee mugs. "I like long walks to the…
“I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I’m not very good at it”
"I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it" is a funny one-liner. Scottish Jewish comedian Arnold Brown said it at the Edinburgh Festival…
“I entered a competition and won a year’s supply of Marmite—one jar”
Marmite is something that many people don’t use a lot of. "But I'm in a great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one…
“I entered a dad joke competition and won $1000. It was a grand dad joke”
The sum of $1,000 is a "grand." There is a "dad joke" -- or rather a "grand dad joke" -- about this. "I was paid $1000 for this joke. It was a grand dad…
“I entered a kleptomania competition. I got gold, silver and bronze”
"I entered a kleptomania competition. I got gold, silver and bronze" was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on May 28, 2019, and again on Reddit -- Dadjokes on June 21, 2019. "I once…
“I entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house”
A joke about a fitness app was posted on Twitter by Mikey on October 12, 2015: "Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house." The one-line…
“I envy people who grow old gracefully. They age like fine wine. I’m aging like milk…”
"Some people age like fine wine. Me? I aged like milk. I got sour and chunky" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Women age like a fine wine, men age like…
“I failed Binary 101. I said it was 6”
Many introductory college courses end in "101." But what if the course is Binary 101? (101 is 5 in binary.) "I failed Binary 101.I said it was 6. http://bit.ly/1a78s7q via…
“I failed my drug test again. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get my pharmacy degree”
Drug tests are often given at work, but sometimes a different kind of drug test is given at school. "I failed my drug test again. Sometimes I wonder if I'll EVER get my pharmacy…
“I failed my drug test today. There goes my degree in pharmaceutics!”
Drug tests are often given at work, but sometimes a different kind of drug test is given at school. "I failed my drug test again. Sometimes I wonder if I'll EVER get my pharmacy…
“I failed my italic writing exam with straight A’s”
"@brianshelf - I failed my Italics exam with straight As. #fb" is a jocular one-line saying that was posted on Twitter on August 18, 2011. "Failed my italic writing exam with…
“I failed my math exam. I couldn’t write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 as Roman numerals. IM LIVID”
"Just heard they're changing my mobile phone number to Roman numerals!? I'm LIVID" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Morris Dutchley the Comic Book on September 28, 2011.…
“I failed to make the chess team because of my height”
Bronx-born comedian, author and film director Woody Allen joked in 1964: "I failed to make the chess team because of my height." A young Woody Allen was short, but he was athletic and…
“I fantasize about winning the lottery way too much for someone who never buys lotto tickets”
"I think about winning the lottery way too much for someone that don't buy lottery tickets" and "I fantasize about winning the lottery way too much for someone who never buys…