“How do you feel about canned food? Personally, I’d give it an ate out of tin”
"Ate out of tin" sounds like "8 out of 10." "Ate-out-of-tin homeless people are malnourished" was posted on Twitter by AstonishingSod on November 20, 2009, and again…
Food/Drink
“How do you fix a broken pizza?”/“Tomato paste.”
A popular pizza joke is: "How do you fix a broken pizza?""Use tomato paste!" The joke has been cited in print since at least 1993. Google BooksSilly School JokesBy Gary Perkins…
“How do you fix a broken sousaphone?”/“With a tuba glue.”
"Tuba" sounds like "tube of." A riddle was printed in many newspapers in 1994: Q: What do you use to fix a broken tuba?A: A tuba glue! The riddle is often worded as this: Q: How…
“How do you fix a broken tuba?”/“With a tuba glue.”
"Tuba" sounds like "tube of." A riddle was printed in many newspapers in 1994: Q: What do you use to fix a broken tuba?A: A tuba glue! The riddle is often worded as this: Q: How…
“How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?”/“With a pumpkin patch.”
A popular Halloween pumpkin riddle is: Q: How do you mend a broken jack-o'lantern?A: With a pumpkin patch! The joke has been cited in print since at least 1994, when it was printed in many…
“How do you get a farm girl to like you?”/“A tractor.”
"A tractor" sounds like "attract her." A riddle was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on February 7, 2019: Q: How do you get a farm girl to like you?A: A tractor. Reddit --…
“How do you get a French waiter’s attention?”/“Start ordering in German.”
A French restaurant riddle is: Q: How do you get a French waiter’s attention?A: Start ordering in German. That is, French waiters will usually ignore you -- except if you are German. (Germany…
“How do you get a grandmother to swear?”/“Have another say ‘Bingo!’”
A popular bingo joke is: Q: How do you get a grandmother to swear?A: Have another grandmother say "Bingo!" The joke has been cited in print since at least 1992. Google Groups:…
“How do you get a guitarist to turn down the volume?” (joke)
Can guitar players read music? A popular joke is: Q. How do you get a guitar player to play softer?A. Give him a sheet of music. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1992. Google Groups:…
“How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?” (lawyer joke)
One popular lawyer joke hints at the lynch law: Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?A: Cut the rope. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1993. Google BooksGreat Lawyer Stories:…
“How do you get a parrot to talk properly?”/“Send him to polytechnic.”
A "polytechnic" is not full of parrots (Pollys, as in "Polly want a cracker?"), but there's a riddle: Q: How do you get a parrot to talk properly?A: Send him to…
“How do you get a pound of meat out of a fly?”/“Unzip it.”
An NSFW riddle is: Q: How do you get a pound of meat out of a fly?A: Unzip it. A "fly" is small and has almost no meat, but the "fly" in the joke is a zipper. Sometimes "a…
“How do you get an actor off your front porch?” (joke)
Many jokes have been told about unemployed actors. One popular joke is: Q: How do you get an actor off your front porch?A: Pay him for the pizza. The joke has been cited in print since at least…
“How do you get an actor to complain?”/“Give him a job.”
Actors aren't happy when they're out of work, and many still complain when they do find work. "Here's a joke: How do you make an actor bitch? Give him a job." was printed…
“How do you get an elephant out of the theater?”/“You can’t. It’s in his blood.”
It's often said that actors have acting in their blood. There's a joke: Q: How do you get an elephant out of the theater?A: You can't. It's in his blood. The joke has been cited…
“How do you get gold’s attention?”/“You yell Au.”
The chemical symbol of symbol of gold -- Au -- sounds like "Hey, you!" A riddle was posted on Twitter by John Mayernaise on September 4, 2012: Q: How does Silver get Gold's…
“How do you get in contact with a Greek architect?”/“You column.”
Greek architecture is known for its Doric, Ionic, and Corinthian columns. "Column" sounds like "call him" or "call 'em." A riddle was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes…
“How do you get into college?”/“Through the door.”
"How do you get into college?" usually refers to being accepted at a college, but there are jokes. "'My son got into DeVry' 'what'd he have to do? Open the…
“How do you get rid of a boomerang?”/“Throw it down a one-way street.”
A boomerang riddle is: Q: How do you get rid of a boomerang?A: Throw it down a one-way street. The joke was printed in The Sun-Herald (Sydney, New South Wales) on July 8, 1973. Newspapers.com8 July…
“How do you get rid of a fat ghost in a house?”/“You exercise it.”
There are many "exercise" and "exorcise" puns. "We had a fat ghost haunting our house so I got our local gym instructor to exercise him" was posted on Twitter by Matt…