“Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’ I wash my mouth out with chocolate”
"Whenever I say the word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate" (or "Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate"…
Food/Drink
“Every time I jog, I meet new people. Of course, they’re usually paramedics”
"Whenever I go running, I meet new people...like paramedics" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "EVERY TIME I JOG, I MEET NEW PEOPLE. OF COURSE, THEY'RE…
“Every time I look at my paycheck, I try to figure out when the government worked those 40 hours with me”
"Me & my paycheck trying to figure out when the government worked half of my shift" -- that is, the government took taxes from the paycheck -- is a saying that has been printed on…
“Every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them…”
A quotation about dogs was posted on the newsgroup rec.pets.dogs.behavior on December 12, 2006: "'It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them. And…
“Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator”
"Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on August 19,…
“Every time I take up exercising I meet new people. They’re usually paramedics, but new people”
"Whenever I go running, I meet new people...like paramedics" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "EVERY TIME I JOG, I MEET NEW PEOPLE. OF COURSE, THEY'RE…
“Every time I turn around, I’m paying a bill. I’m about to stop turning around”
"I swear every time I turn around, I'm paying a bill. I'm just going to stop turning around" is a saying that has been printeda on several images. “@_Fatalatraction: seem like…
“Every time I turn around, it’s a bill due. I’m about to stop turning around”
"I swear every time I turn around, I'm paying a bill. I'm just going to stop turning around" is a saying that has been printeda on several images. “@_Fatalatraction: seem like…
“Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout…”
Many people use self-checkout because it's faster -- only to be behind a slow person. The following observation was posted on Twitter by jordan on April 15, 2021: "Every time I use…
“Every time I’m sore after Pilates I remember it’s what killed Jesus”
Pilates (a type of mind-body exercise) shouldn't be confused with Roman governor Pontius Pilate, but there are jokes. "Pilates must be pretty tough exercise if they killed Jesus" was…
“Every time someone goes into a deli and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies”
Pastrami on rye, with mustard, is a classic New York Jewish deli dish. A popular joke has a non-Jew entering a deli and ordering a pastrami sandwich -- on white bread, with mayonnaise. "He…
“Every time Taco Bell rings, an angel gets the runs”
"Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings" is a famous line at the end of the film It's a Wondeful Life (1946). "Every time a/the Taco Bell rings, an angel gets…
“Every time the government shifts left, the decimal point in the national debt moves to the right”
"An accountant complains that every time the government shifts to the left, the decimal points in the national debt move to the right," is cited in print since at least 1950. The saying…
“Every time the Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea”
"Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings" is a famous line at the end of the film It's a Wondeful Life (1946). "Every time a/the Taco Bell rings, an angel gets…
“Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday and ruins it for us”
"Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday and ruins it for us" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
“Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday and ruins it for us”
"Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday and ruins it for us" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
“Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win”
"Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. "Every time you're able to find…
“Every time you choose homemade over processed, a corporation loses a dollar. Keep going”
"Every time you choose homemade over processed, a corporation loses a dollar. Keep going" is a food saying that has been printed on an image. "Every time you choose homemade over…
“Every time you have McDonald’s as a kid, it’s a victory”
Kids often enjoy fast food; for adults, it's an admission that they can't (or won't) cook. "Every time you have McDonald's as a kid, it's a victory. Every time you…
“Every time you make a typo, the errorists win”
"Every time you make a typo, the errorists win" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters, coffee mugs and T-shirts. "The errorists win" is a…