“Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it”
"Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it" -- a pun on "sick and tired" -- has been a popular line since the 1950s. "If you're thick and tired of" has…
Food/Drink
“Difference between dead armadillo and dead lawyer in road? The armadillo has skid marks in front!”
"What's the difference between between a dead lawyer in the road and a dead armadillo in the road? The armadillo has skid marks in front of it!" This "lawyer joke" has been…
“Difference between my girls and married women is that my girls give a man his money’s worth”
New York City is no stranger to prostitution. Polly Adler wrote a book about it (A House Is Not a Home). Some of her quotes have been memorable. Wikipedia: Polly AdlerPearl "Polly" Adler…
“Difference between NYC Council and rubber stamp is that a rubber stamp leaves an impression”
Henry Stern was a former New York City Councilman and Parks Commissioner and now runs NY Civic (www.nycivic.org). He said, some time in the 1960s, that the New York City Council was less than a…
“Different strokes for different folks”
"Different strokes for different folks" means that people have different styles and tastes, or different ways of doing something. What's good (or works) for one person might not be…
“Difficult difficult lemon difficult” (opposite of “easy peasy lemon squeezy”)
“Easy peasy lemon squeezy” is a way of saying that something is easy. "Difficult difficult lemon difficult" (or "When you thought everything would be easy peasy lemon squeezy,…
“Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations”
"Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on October 24, 2013, and is of unknown…
“Dig a five-dollar hole for a fifty-cent plant” (gardening adage)
A gardening adage is that it's better to dig a five-dollar hole for a fifty-cent plant than to big a fifty-cent hole for a five-dollar plant. A good plant won't grow well in bad soil, but…
“Digestive biscuits imply the existence of indigestive biscuits”
The digestive biscuit originated in Scotland. There is no "indigestive biscuit," but there are jokes. "So...what do we have in the US...'indigestive' biscuits???" was…
“Digging tunnels is a boring job”
A pun on "boring job" was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.puns on September 23, 2000: "If you operate a drill press, you have a boring job. (Pun of the Day)" "Digging…
“Digital ID & Digital Currency is a prison for every man, woman & child upon the earth”
"Digital ID and digital CURRENCY is a PRISON for every man , woman and CHILD on EARTH" was posted on Facebook by Lamilton West on September 23, 2022. "DIGITAL ID & DIGITAL…
“Digital ID is not to identify yourself. Digital ID will track, limit & control every aspect…”
Digital ID has the advantage of convenience, but there are some privacy disadvantages. "A DIGITAL ID IS NOT TO IDENTIFY YOURSELF. IT'S TO TRACK AND TRACE YOUR EVERY MOVE" (shown on…
“Dignity is one thing that can’t be preserved in alcohol”
"Dignity is one thing that can't be preserved in alcohol" is a saying that dates to the Prohibition era in 1928, when it appeared in the newspaper comic strip "Flapper Fanny…
“Dihydrogen monoxide is deliberately sprayed on organic crops”
"Dihydrogen monoxide is deliberately sprayed on organic crops" -- "dihydrogen monoxide" is water -- is a joke that has been printed on many images. "Dihydrogen monoxide is…
“Dill Piccolo—the wind instrument that plays only sour notes”
There is a "piccolo" (a wind instrument), there is a "dill pickle" (a pickled cucumber) and then there is a "dill piccolo -- the wind instrument that plays only sour…
“Diluting bourbon with water makes it less bourbon. Subourbon, if you will”
"Subourbon" (suburb + bourbon) is a portmanteau word that is mostly jocular. "What do they drink in The Southern Suburbs? Subourbon!" was posted on Twitter by Bosse Löthén on…
“Dim Sum implies the existence of Bright Difference”
Dim sum (a large range of small Chinese dishes) has nothing to do with a mathematical "sum," but there are jokes. "DIM SUM! (bright difference?)" was posted on Twitter by Ray L…
“Dim sum implies the existence of dim min, max, and average”
Dim sum (a large range of small Chinese dishes) has nothing to do with a mathematical "sum," but there are jokes. "DIM SUM! (bright difference?)" was posted on Twitter by Ray L…
“Diner: Do you have a bathroom? Waiter: No, we go outside.”
A house guest (or someone in a restaurant or a store) might ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" This really means, "Where is the bathroom and I can use it now?" However, a literal,…
“Diner: How long will my spaghetti be? Waiter: I don’t know. We never measure it.”
A joke about ordering spaghetti in a restaurant is: Diner: Waiter, how long will my spaghetti be?Waiter: I don't know, sir. We never measure it. The joke was printed in American newspapers in…