“Confucius say: Baseball wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk”
"Baseball is wrong. A man with 4 balls cannot walk" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Many versions have this as a "Confucius say" mock Chinese proverb.…
Food/Drink
“Confucius say: Man who drive like hell bound to get there”
An advertisement for La Palina cigars in the Detroit (MI) Free Press (and other newspapers) on October 26, 1947: "Old Cfiief Smokum Say: 'Fellow who drive like hell bound to get there…
“Confucius say: Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have crappy time”
There is a popular "Confucius say" toilet joke. "Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time" was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on February 6, 1992.…
“Confucius say: Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time”
There is a popular "Confucius say" toilet joke. "Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time" was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on February 6, 1992.…
“Confused as a cow on AstroTurf” (or, “Confused as a goat on AstroTurf”)
"Confused as a cow on AstroTurf" is probably a variant of the old saying "as independent as a hog on ice." A cow would be more at home on natural grass. Also used is…
“Confused people don’t buy” (marketing adage)
A marketing pitch should include important and accurate information, but it shouldn't confuse potential buyers. "Confused people don't buy" is a popular marketing adage of…
“Confused sultana scone seeks raisin d’être”
"Raison d'être" ( French for "reason for being") has nothing to do with raisins, but there are jokes. "I absolutely live for small dried fruits. They're my…
“Congratulations on getting through the easiest part of life” (graduation meme)
"Congratulations on getting through the easiest part of life" (shown with a picture of graduates) is a saying that has been printed on many images. "And, I'm so glad that you…
“Congratulations on working 40 hours! You are now free to dissociate for 2 days”
A joke about working was posted on X/Twitter by 𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝗹𝘆𝗸𝗲 on July 21, 2023, and received over 288,000 likes: "Congratulations on working 40 hours! You…
“Congratulations to drugs for winning the war on drugs”
"Congratulations to drugs for winning the war on drugs" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "We'd like to congratulate drugs for winning the war on…
“Congratulations to those of you whose microwave clock is right again”
"Congratulations to those of you whose microwave clock is right again" is a jocular saying. That is, the speaker congratulates those people who never changed the microwave clock an hour…
“Congress is good at only two things—doing nothing and overreacting”
"The things Congress does best are nothing and overreacting" was credited to Washington, DC lobbyist and Republican consultant Tom C. Korologos in the book Great Political Wit: Laughing…
“Congress is the only whorehouse that loses money”
It's an old saying that if government ran something (such as a casino or the racetrack), it would lose money. American economist John Rutledge said on Fox News on May 27, 2006: "Congress…
“Congress opened with a prayer and closed with a probe”
Joseph William Martin, Jr. (1884-1968) was a Republican Minority Leader in Congress in 1946; after Republicans won the November 1946 elections, Martin became the House Speaker. In February 1946,…
“Congress: A man gets up to speak and says nothing, nobody listens, and then everybody disagrees”
New York (NY) Post Broadway columnist Leonard Lyons wrote this in a 1941 column: "'Congress is so strange,' reported Boris Marshalov, the Russian actor and dramatic coach, after a…
“Conjunctivitis.com—that’s a site for sore eyes”
A "(web)site for sore eyes" is a pun on the expression of a "sight for sore eyes." English comedian Tim Vine has been credited with this joke since at least 2009:…
“Conscience keeps more people awake than coffee”
"Conscience keeps more people awake than coffee" is a one-line coffee saying that has been printed on many images. The quotation is from Arnold Glasow (1905-1998) and appeared in Earl…
“Conservatism is progressivism driving the speed limit”
"Conservatism is progressivism driving the speed limit" (also, "Conservatives are progressives driving the speed limit") is a catchphrase of Ukrainian-American author and…
“Conservatives are progressives driving the speed limit”
"Conservatism is progressivism driving the speed limit" (also, "Conservatives are progressives driving the speed limit") is a catchphrase of Ukrainian-American author and…
“Conservatives believe life begins at conception and ends at birth”
Barney Frank, a Democratic Congressman from Massachusetts, said in 1981 that, for the Reagan administration and the Moral Majority, "’life begins at conception and ends at birth." The…