“I’m at the age where I appreciate a nice handrail”
"I've reached the age where I appreciate a nice handrail" (or "I'm at the age where I appreciate a nice handrail") is a saying that has been printed on many images.…
Food/Drink
“I’m at the age where if you text me after 9PM I’m texting back at 4:36 AM”
"I'm at the age where if you text me after 9PM I'm texting back at 4:36 AM" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Older people go to sleep early. "I'm at…
“I’m at the age where not finding parking for an event is enough to make me go home”
"I'm at the age that/where not finding parking for an event is enough to make me go home" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm at the age where not…
“I’m at the airport and a man just collapsed on the luggage carousel. He’s coming around slowly”
"Someone collapsed at the luggage carousel at Heathrow Airport. Medics claim they are coming round slowly" was posted on Twitter by Jimmy Ferguson on January 19, 2021. The joke is that…
“I’m at the grocery store, lost in the eggs aisle”
"Exile" sounds like "eggs aisle," and there are jokes. "Eggs Aisle" is track 10 on Live from Space (2013), the first and only live album by American rapper Mac Miller…
“I’m at the point in life where the hottest text I get is: ‘Your prescription is ready for pick up’”
Texting can be romantic -- or not. "I'm at the point in life where the hottest text I get is: 'Your prescription is ready for pick up'" is a jocular saying that has been…
“I’m at the point in my life where running errands counts as going out”
"I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker is an adult who no longer goes out…
“I’m awake! Please respect my privacy during this very difficult time”
"I'm awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "i’m awake! please respect my privacy during this…
“I’m awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time”
"I'm awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "i’m awake! please respect my privacy during this…
“I’m beginning to think that foreign aid is just code for money laundering”
"I'm beginning to think that foreign aid is just code for money laundering" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "Foreign Aid is just a fancy word for money…
“I’m being fisted by the invisible hand”
Scottish economist and philosopher Adam Smith (1723-1790) wrote in his book The Wealth of Nations (1776) about an "invisible hand" in a free market that directs wealth and resources to…
“I’m being held momentarily by the train dispatcher” (joke)
A frequent subway announcement is that the train is "being held momentarily by the train dispatcher. Oliver Burkeman posted a joke on Twitter on April 24, 2014: "I wonder if, when they…
“I’m bringing out a new version of the Band Aid song, ‘Duvet Know It’s Christmas?’ It’s a cover!”
"Do They Know It's Christmas?" (1984) is a song that was written by Bob Geldof and Midge Ure and performed by a British and Irish supergroup called Band Aid, in an effort to aid…
“I’m broke and I have a college degree to prove it”
"I'm broke and I have a (college) degree to prove it" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts, buttons and bumper stickers. Many…
“I’m calling in sick because of an eye problem. I can’t see myself coming in to work”
"I'm calling in sick because of an eye problem. I can't see myself coming in to work" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several ecards. An illustration usually shows…
“I’m combining Easter and April Fools’ Day. I’m sending the kids to look for eggs I haven’t hidden”
An April joke involving both April Fools' Day and Easter is: "I'm combining Easter and April Fools day this year -- I'm sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven't…
“I’m considering becoming a mind reader. What are your thoughts?”
"I'm considering becoming a mind reader. What are your thoughts?" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by sickipediabot on October 25, 2010. The joke originated on the Sickipedia…
“I’m considering becoming a mind reader. What do you think?”
"I'm considering becoming a mind reader. What are your thoughts?" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by sickipediabot on October 25, 2010. The joke originated on the Sickipedia…
“I’m convinced 90% of the software on my computer doesn’t do anything except send me notifications”
There are many jokes about computer notifications. "90% of the software on my iPhone doesn't do anything except send me notifications that there's a new version of itself" was…
“I’m convinced that ‘noted’ is corporate version for saying ‘whatever’”
"'Noted' is the corporate version of 'whatever'" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Whatever" is often used to express indifference,…