“I’ll vacuum the beach before I tell Facebook I’m in a relationship again”
"I'll vacuum the beach before I tell Facebook I'm in a relationship again" is a saying that has been printed on many images. In other words -- never. "I’ll vacuum the…
Food/Drink
“I’ll vacuum the beach before I tell social media I got a man again”
"I'll vacuum the beach before I tell Facebook I'm in a relationship again" is a saying that has been printed on many images. In other words -- never. "I’ll vacuum the…
“I’m 1776% sure you’re not taking my AR-15”
"I am 1776% sure no one will be taking my guns" (or "I am 1776% sure no one is taking my guns") is a pro-gun saying that has been printed on many images. "1776" is the…
“I’m a baker for the army. When I go to war, I go in all buns glazing”
"Buns glazing" is a spoonerism for "guns blazing." "Just hit town with his buns glazing" was posted to the newsgroup rec.audio.pro on December 23, 2001. A popular joke…
“I’m a better person when I’m tan and holding a margarita”
"I'm a better person when I'm tan and holding a margarita" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm a better person when I'm tan and holding a…
“I’m a big fan of air circulation”
"I'm a big fan of air circulation devices" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Mike Sullivan on July 9, 2012. "I'm a big fan of air circulation" was posted on…
“I’m a bodybuilding mime. Some people say I’m the strong, silent type”
Many women like the strong, silent type of man. "Women say they like the strong silent type. So basically a bodybuilder mime" was posted on X/Twitter by Sofa King Cool ✇ on January 8,…
“I’m a chemical engineer. I convert beer and wine into urine”
The "convert beer into urine joke" has been popular since at least the 1990s. About 2008, a joke called the "Wisdom of a Retiree" circulated from an uncredited source:…
“I’m a collector of empty bottles. That sounds better than alcoholic”
Does "collector of empty bottles" sound better than "alcoholic"? "My friends is a collector. Of empty bottles. Sounds SO much better than 'an alcoholic',…
“I’m a complex woman with many moods—and they all require chocolate”
"I'm a woman of many moods and they all require chocolate" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I am a woman of many moods, and they all require chocolate.…
“I’m a complex woman with many moods—and they all require coffee”
"I'm a complex woman with many moods -- and they all require coffee" is a saying that has been shown on an image. "I am a woman of many moods and they all require coffee"…
“I’m a crepe. I’m a weirdough. What the hell am I doughing here? I donut belong here”
"Weirdo" is sometimes jocularly written as "weirdough" (weird/weirdo + dough). "Crêpe" can sound like "creep," and "donut" like "do…
“I’m a dollarbetic because I don’t feel good when my money low”
"When my money low, I don't feel good. I think I'm a dollarbetic" (usually shown spoken by Baby Yoda) is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Dollarbetic"…
“I’m a good housekeeper; every time I get a divorce, I keep the house”
Zsa Zsa Gabor (1917-2016) married nine times. She often told a joke about her marriages and her special housekeeping ability: "I'm a wonderful housekeeper. Every time I'm divorced, I…
“I’m a graduate, so a thermometer is not the only thing that has degrees without brains”
Comparing a graduate with a thermometer is an old joke. "Thermometers are not the only things which are graduated and get degrees without brains" was cited in the Cornell Widow college…
“I’m a lawyer. I’m here to defend your ass, not kiss it”
"I'm a lawyer. I'm here to defend/help/protect your ass, not kiss it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "i'm lawyer my job is to protect your ass NOT…
“I’m a lawyer. I’m here to protect your ass, not kiss it”
"I'm a lawyer. I'm here to defend/help/protect your ass, not kiss it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "i'm lawyer my job is to protect your ass NOT…
“I’m a lawyer. It’s my job to defend your ass, not kiss it”
"I'm a lawyer. I'm here to defend/help/protect your ass, not kiss it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "i'm lawyer my job is to protect your ass NOT…
“I’m a lawyer.” / “Honest?” / “No, the regular kind.”
“I’m a lawyer.” “Honest?” “No, the regular kind" is a lawyer joke that was posted on the newsgroup alt.bbs.wildcat on February 15, 1996. The joke is that the speaker had meant…
“I’m a light eater; when it gets light, I start eating”
"I'm a light eater; when it gets light, I start eating" is a joke that has been attributed to baseball pitcher Tommy John, baseball coach Tommy Lasorda and football defensive tackle…