“I’m a dollarbetic because I don’t feel good when my money low”
"When my money low, I don't feel good. I think I'm a dollarbetic" (usually shown spoken by Baby Yoda) is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Dollarbetic"…
Food/Drink
“I’m a good housekeeper; every time I get a divorce, I keep the house”
Zsa Zsa Gabor (1917-2016) married nine times. She often told a joke about her marriages and her special housekeeping ability: "I'm a wonderful housekeeper. Every time I'm divorced, I…
“I’m a graduate, so a thermometer is not the only thing that has degrees without brains”
Comparing a graduate with a thermometer is an old joke. "Thermometers are not the only things which are graduated and get degrees without brains" was cited in the Cornell Widow college…
“I’m a lawyer. I’m here to defend your ass, not kiss it”
"I'm a lawyer. I'm here to defend/help/protect your ass, not kiss it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "i'm lawyer my job is to protect your ass NOT…
“I’m a lawyer. I’m here to protect your ass, not kiss it”
"I'm a lawyer. I'm here to defend/help/protect your ass, not kiss it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "i'm lawyer my job is to protect your ass NOT…
“I’m a lawyer. It’s my job to defend your ass, not kiss it”
"I'm a lawyer. I'm here to defend/help/protect your ass, not kiss it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "i'm lawyer my job is to protect your ass NOT…
“I’m a lawyer.” / “Honest?” / “No, the regular kind.”
“I’m a lawyer.” “Honest?” “No, the regular kind" is a lawyer joke that was posted on the newsgroup alt.bbs.wildcat on February 15, 1996. The joke is that the speaker had meant…
“I’m a light eater; when it gets light, I start eating”
"I'm a light eater; when it gets light, I start eating" is a joke that has been attributed to baseball pitcher Tommy John, baseball coach Tommy Lasorda and football defensive tackle…
“I’m a magician who steals candy bars. You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve”
The Twix chocolate bar has had a few puns, such as a magician having Twix (tricks) up his sleeve. "One laugh on all of NBC's Thursday night shows: Twix up my sleeve. Ruined by being in…
“I’m a magician. I can make my paycheck disappear”
A popular paycheck joke is: "I'm a magician. I can make my paycheck disappear." "You're (magician Doug Henning -- ed.) good...but the government is faster at ,making a…
“I’m a millennial, so my retirement plan is societal collapse”
"I'm a millennial, so my retirement plan is societal collapse" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Many millennials cannot afford a retirement plan. "RT…
“I’m a nurse. I’m here to save your ass, not kiss it”
"I'm a nurse. I'm here to save your ass, not kiss it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Google Books Title I'm a Nurse My Job Is to Save Your Ass Not Kiss…
“I’m a Ph.D.—Pizza Hut Deliveryman”
Pizza Hut is an American pizza and pasta restaurant chain that offers sit-down service, as well as take-out and delivery. "I'm a Ph.D. -- Pizza Hut Deliveryman" is a joke a poor…
“I’m a Ph.D.—Pizza Hut Deliveryman”
Pizza Hut is an American pizza and pasta restaurant chain that offers sit-down service, as well as take-out and delivery. "I'm a Ph.D. -- Pizza Hut Deliveryman" is a joke a poor…
“I’m a second-hand vegetarian. Cows eat grass. I eat cows”
"I'm a second-hand vegetarian. Cows eat grass. I eat cows" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I only eat animals that feed on grass. Does that make me a…
“I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue”
A "single issue voter" votes for or against a politician based solely on a single issue. The "single issue voter" can be single or married, and this is the basis of a joke.…
“I’m a social drinker. Every time someone says ‘I’ll have a drink,’ I say ‘Social I’”
"I'm a social drinker. Every time someone says 'I'll have a drink,' I say 'Social I'" -- a pun on "So shall I" -- is a jocular drinking saying that…
“I’m a social vegan. I avoid meet”
"I'm a social vegan. I avoid meet" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I’m a social vegan; I avoid meet" -- a pun on "meat" -- was posted on…
“I’m a socialist drinker” (joke)
A "social" drinker shouldn't be confused with a "socialist" drinker, but there are jokes. "I'm not a heavy drinker, more of a socialist drinker. Which is to say,…
“I’m a time traveler. I travel in time at the rate of one second per second”
We all time travel. "I can time travel.... but only forwards.....and really slowly... at one second per second" was posted on Twitter by Rudy Lippert on July 26, 2010. "I time travel…