“If it’s flooded, forget it” (driving on flooded streets)
"If it's flooded, forget it" means that if a street is flooded, it's not safe to drive on. The adage was started by the Queensland (Australia) Fire and Emergency Services in…
Archive for /P27560
“Instant asshole—just add alcohol” (“Instant jackass—just add alcohol”)
"Instant asshole -- just add alcohol" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "The buttons have sayings on them: 'Are We Having Fun Yet?' 'Instant…
“It’s impossible to predict the past” (joke)
American political commentator Charles Krauthammer said at a McGill University COnvocation on June 14, 1993: "In the old Soviet Union, where the commissars would routinely rewrite and…
“Why do the French have so many civil wars?”/“So that they can win one.”
France has been invaded several times and there's a classic war joke: Q: Why do the French have so many civil wars?A: So that they can win one. English actor and comedian John Cleese (a…
“How do you make hard cider?”/“Put it in the freezer.”
A joke about hard cider is: Q: How do you make hard cider?A: Put it in the freezer. "How do you make hard cider? .................. Freeze it" was cited on Twitter on April 22, 2011. The…
“What’s worse than 9/11?”/“311.”
Jokes about the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center are often in questionable taste, but a frequent joke is told about the American rock band 311 (from Omaha, Nebraska):…
“Vote blue, no matter who”
The race for the 2016 Democratic presidential nomination provided a choice between Hillary Clinton (the establishment candidate) and Bernie Sanders (the anti-establishment candidate). Many Sanders…
“El Bronx” (Bogotá, Colombia)
"El Bronx" is a neighborhood of the city of Bogotá, the capital of Colombia, that's named after the New York City borough of "The Bronx." El Bronx is a high crime area,…
Gunpocalypse (gun + apocalypse)
"Gunpocalypse" (gun + apocalypse) has meant various things, such as an apocalypse with guns and an apocalypse without guns. "Got my gun and 100+ bullets and some targets....…
Naples: Grape Pie Capital of the World (nickname)
The town of Naples, in New York's Finger Lakes region of southwest Ontario County, has been called the "Grape Pie Capital of the World" since at least the 1980s. The Naples Grape…
“Not all math puns are bad. Just sum”
"Not all math puns are bad. Just sum" is a joke that was posted on Reddit on May 30, 2016. "Math puns are bad, and then sum" -- a similar joke -- had been posted on Twitter on…
“We come, not to mourn our dead soldiers, but to praise them”
"We come, not to mourn our dead soldiers, but to praise them" is a popular quotation every Memorial Day. American economist and academic administrator Francis Amasa Walker (1840-1897)…
“The dead soldier’s silence sings our national anthem”
"The dead soldier's silence sings our national anthem" is a popular Memorial Day quotation that has been printed on many images. The saying has been credited to Rev. Aaron Kilbourn…
“Sometimes I drink water just to surprise my liver”
"Sometimes I drink water (just) to surprise my liver" is a jocular drinking saying that has been printed on many images. "Today I am gonna surprise my liver, I'm gonna drink…
“Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy”
"Love your enemies" is from the New Testament, Matthew 5:44. "People say that whisky is a man's worst enemy, but the Bible says that we should love our enemies so what is a…
“Eating clocks is time consuming”
"Eating clocks is time consuming" is a jocular line that has been printed on GIFs. "Once he ate a clock, but he didn't like it. It was time-consuming" was cited in a 2003…
“How to tell if an orange likes to party?”/“Just Invitamin-C.”
"How to tell if an orange likes to party. Just Invitamin-C" (invite 'em 'n' see) was posted on Reddit on May 29, 2016. The joke quickly became popular. redditHow to tell if…
“What do ramen noodles and ketchup taste like together?”/“Poverty.”
Ramen noodles are a low-budget meal. "Eating Chicken flavored Top Ramen with a glass of Strawberry Kool Aid. It taste like..like..wait..yep..it tastes like poverty" was cited on Twitter…
“When do you go on red and stop on green?”/“When eating a watermelon.”
A popular children's riddle is: Q: When do you go on red and stop on green?A: When you're eating a watermelon. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2001. February 2001, Ranger…
“There was a guy who played the organ in his garden to get organically grown food”
There's a pun about "organically grown" food: "There was a guy who played the organ in his garden to get organically grown food." The joke has been cited in print since at…