“I wish for a world without lawyers” (joke)
A lawyer joke has been printed on several images: Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes.Me: I wish for a world without lawyersGenie: Done, you have no more wishes.Me: But you said 3.Genie: Sue me. The…
Archive for /P18160
“Just remember who will always be there for you. DISHES. They will literally always be there”
"When life gets you down and you feel like you can’t go on, just remember who will always be there for you. DISHES. They will literally always be there" is a jocular saying that has…
“One time my kid’s elementary school went 6 days in a row without a fundraiser”
Schools often hold many, many fundraisers. This joke was posted on Twitter by Simon Holland on February 7, 2020: "One time my kid’s elementary school went 6 days in a row without a…
“Adam and Eve: The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions”
"Adam and Eve: The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions" is an Apple Inc. joke that has been printed on many images. "Adam and Eve were the first people to agree…
“I got so drunk last night I walked across the dance floor to get a drink & won a dance contest”
"I got so drunk last night, I walked across the dance floor to get another drink and won the dance contest" is a jocular saying that as been printed on many images. "Last night I was…
“I made some jerk chicken today. He didn’t even say ‘thank you’!”
A jerk chicken joke was posted on Twitter by T Morris (and others) on June 23, 2011: "I made some jerk chicken today. He didn't even say, 'thank you,' the tosser." Similar…
“What part of ‘I don’t want to spend anymore money’ don’t I understand?”
"What part of 'I don’t want to spend anymore money' don’t I understand?" -- "I understand," not "you understand" -- is a jocular saying about spending…
“Would the makers of a movie about a flat earth accept a Golden Globe award?”
"Would the makers of a movie about flat earth accept a Golden Globe?" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Zach Stewart on January 8, 2019. "Would the makers of a movie about a…
“Keep your friends close and your coffee closer”
"Keep your friends close and/but your coffee closer" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" is a famous saying from…
“Just got the perfect tool for making a good Indian flat bread. It’s a naan stick pan”
"Naan" (a flatbread) is the subject of several puns, such as the "naan-stick pan." "My leavened flatbread keeps falling out of the oven. Guess I should've bought a…
“My 2yo referred to her coat pockets as ‘snack holes’ and this is what I shall forever call them”
"My 2yo referred to her coat pockets as 'snack holes' and this is what I shall forever call them" is a snack saying that has been printed on many images. "2yo referred to…
“Keep your friends close and your coffee closer. They might steal it”
"Keep your friends close and/but your coffee closer" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" is a famous saying from…
“Keep your friends close, but your coffee closer”
"Keep your friends close and/but your coffee closer" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" is a famous saying from…
Madness Square Garden (Madison Square Garden nickname)
Madison Square Garden (an indoor sports arena in Midtown Manhattan, the home of basketball's New York Knicks and hockey's New York Rangers) is infrequently nicknamed "Madness Square…
“Surprise your girlfriend this Valentine’s Day. Introduce her to your wife!”
Men sometimes plan a surprise for a loved one on Valentine's Day. "Surprise your girlfriend this Valentine's Day. Introduce her to your wife!" is a jocular Valentine's Day…
“Field hockey is extreme golf”
Field hockey can be a dangerous sport. Like golf, it is played with sticks/clubs. "Field hockey is a mix between aggressive golf and any other 'sport' that makes the few hot girls on…
“What do you call naked pasta?”/“Nudeles.”
"Nudeles" (nude + noodles) is a portmanteau word that is sometimes used for a naked chef who cooks noodles, or a naked eater who consumes noodles, or "naked pasta." "Pasta…
“Getting a tattoo of pi would be irrational”
Would getting a tattoo of the number "pi" (3.14...) be irrational? Many people do have a pi tattoo. "Why would someone get a pi tattoo? That's so irrational" was posted on…
“How’s your rabbit food?”/“How’s your vulture food?”
"Rabbit food" is a derogatory nickname that meat eaters sometimes give to the greens eaten by vegans/vegetarians. "How's your rabbit food?" they might ask. "How's…
“Eat pussy, not animals”
Twitter M.@880shttp://twitpic.com/qdnr - just got the final show shirt at the solid ground merch table!eat pussy not animals!2:06 PM · Dec 5, 2008·Twitter Web Client Twitter Ho KIM…