“Overslept this morning, was late getting to the living room”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic cancelled work for many people, and they stayed at home. "This morning I overslept and I was late to the living room. I gotta do better tomorrow" was…
Archive for /P17560
“I’m going to change my Facebook name to Benefits” (joke)
Facebook (an American online social media and social networking service) has "friends," and this is the subject of a popular joke. "Im going to change my Facebook name 2 benefitsThat…
“Shaking hands is the new first base”
"First base," in sexual terms, is usually kissing. The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic encouraged "social distancing" (six feet away) and changed the bases. "Is the new…
“Porn gives people an unrealistic expectation of how quickly a plumber will get to your house”
Pornography is often accused of giving young people unrealistic expectations about sex. A joke gives a twist to this. "Porn is so unrealistic, there's no way you'd ever get a plumber…
“Why can’t China play cricket?”/“They keep eating their bats.”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic began, according to one theory, when someone in China ate a bat. This has nothing to do with a cricket bat, but there are jokes. "That's why China…
“Let’s not tell some people when the quarantine is over”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in quarantines. Some people were happy not to see some other people. "Let’s not tell them when the quarantine is over" was posted on Twitter…
“Taking a girl’s mask off is the new first base”
"First base," in sexual terms, is usually kissing. The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic encouraged "social distancing" (six feet away) and changed the bases. "Is the new…
“Why did Princess Leia contract coronavirus?”/“Because she went to woo Han.”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic bean in Wuhan, China. A Star Wars pun became popular. "I’m so afraid of Coronavirus that I won’t even watch Princess Leia woo Han" was posted on…
“Good morning, inmates” (2019–20 coronavirus pandemic quarantine)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic locked people in their homes, as if they were in jail. "Good morning inmates" was posted on Twitter by The real me on February 26, 2020. "Good…
“Standing less than 6 feet apart is the new first base”
"First base," in sexual terms, is usually kissing. The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic encouraged "social distancing" (six feet away) and changed the bases. "Is the new…
“Let’s not tell some people when quarantine is over”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in quarantines. Some people were happy not to see some other people. "Let’s not tell them when the quarantine is over" was posted on Twitter…
“Bumping elbows is the new first base”
"First base," in sexual terms, is usually kissing. The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic encouraged "social distancing" (six feet away) and changed the bases. "Is the new…
“You thought dogs were hard to train? Look at all the humans who can’t sit and stay”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many people to stay at home, like their pets. "People say dogs can be hard to train, well look at all the humans now who cant 'sit' &…
“Quarantine is when you restrict the movement of sick people. Tyranny…of healthy people”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in many quarantines. "Quarantine is when you restrict the movement of SICK people. Tyranny is when you restrict the movement of HEALTHY people"…
“Quarantine is when you lock down the sick. Tyranny is when you lock down the healthy”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in many quarantines. "Quarantine is when you restrict the movement of SICK people. Tyranny is when you restrict the movement of HEALTHY people"…
“Not to brag, but we haven’t been late for anything in over two weeks”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in many closures of businesses and events. "During self-isolation, I have not been late for anything in a whole week and that's a huge personal…
“Gonna ask my momma if that offer to slap me into next year is still on the table”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic made 2020 a difficult year for many people. "Bruh i need my momma to slap me into next year i cant deal" was posted on Twitter by razzle_dazzle876 on…
“Popcorn is probably just as unique as snowflakes”
Are popcorn kernels unique, like snowflakes? "Popcorn is like snowflakes: every piece is unique! and tasty" was posted on Twitter by Kylie Atherstone on September 4, 2009. "Popcorn…
“Quarantine is when you restrict the movement of a sick person. Tyranny…of a healthy person”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in many quarantines. "Quarantine is when you restrict the movement of SICK people. Tyranny is when you restrict the movement of HEALTHY people"…
“I wish I was rich enough to eat out all the time like the homeless do”
Some people want to eat out (at restaurants) all the time, but cannot afford it. The homeless don't have a home, so they, technically, always eat out. "Homeless people would save a lot of…