“The only way to get ahead is to decapitate someone”
"To get ahead" should not be confused with "to get a head," but there are jokes. "To get ahead in this world, you'd probably have to decapitate someone" was…
Archive for 10/2020
“Why are two medians in a single data set funny?”/“Because it’s a co-median.”
"Comedian" has nothing to do with a "median," but there are "co-median" jokes. "Statistical inference joke - why are two medians in a single data set funny?…
“Strong people don’t eat helpless animals”
"Strong people don't eat helpless animals" is a vegan saying that has been printed on many images. "Strong people don't eat helpless animals" was posted on Twitter by…
“A food truck is the opposite of a drive-thru”
A drive-thru restaurant has motorized diners. A food truck is a motorized restaurant. "A food truck is the opposite of a drive in restaurant" was posted on Twitter by kel! on August 20,…
“Vodka is vegan”
"Vodka is vegan" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying became popular in the 2000s. "Thank god Grey Goose Vodka is vegan" was posted on Twitter by John…
“What do you call an average comic?”/“A co-median.”
"Comedian" has nothing to do with a "median," but there are "co-median" jokes. "Statistical inference joke - why are two medians in a single data set funny?…
“The older you get, the uglier you’re willing to go out in public”
"The older you get, the uglier you're willing to go out in public" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "The older you get, the uglier you’re willing to…
“The closest I get to a spa day is when the steam from the dishwasher smacks me in the face”
"The closest I get to a spa day is when the steam from the dishwasher smacks me in the face" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "So looks like the closest…
“If your personal choices have a victim, it is no longer a personal choice”
"If your personal choices have a victim, it is no longer a personal choice" is a vegan saying that has been printed on many images. "If your personal choices have a victim, it is no…
“Where does toilet paper come from?”/“Toiletries.”
"Toiletry" is not "toilet tree" and "lavatory" is not "lavatree," but there are jokes. "Clara: 'where does toilet paper come from?' Me:…
“What do you call a farm that sells chickens and pigs?”/“A chicken bacon ranch.”
"Chicken-Bacon-Ranch (dressing)" is a food combination that has been sold in Hot Pockets, Hunt Brothers pizza, Meijer pizza, Sam's Choice pizza, Stouffer's, Velveeta and other…
“Went to the bathroom earlier and took a poo. Not sure whose it was, but it’s mine now”
When someone goes to the bathroom to "take a dump," there is no actual "taking" -- except in jokes. "Went to the bathroom earlier and took a poo....not sure whose it was,…
“Two flies are playing football in a saucer. One says, ‘Play better. Tomorrow, we’re in the cup!’”
Soccer ("football" in the UK) has its World Cup tournament. "Two flies were playing a game of football on a saucer., One called across to the other: George, he said. we'll have…
“Where do toilets come from?”/“They grow on toiletries.”
"Toiletry" is not "toilet tree" and "lavatory" is not "lavatree," but there are jokes. "Clara: 'where does toilet paper come from?' Me:…
“What do baby mathematicians drink?”/“Formula.”
A math riddle was posted on Twitter by Chad Topaz on October 6, 2020: Q: What do baby mathematicians drink?A: Formula. “What do you feed a baby parabola?"/"Quadratic formula" is an…
“Where do toilets come from?”/“They grow on lavatrees.”
"Toiletry" is not "toilet tree" and "lavatory" is not "lavatree," but there are jokes. "Clara: 'where does toilet paper come from?' Me:…
“Just call me the little engine that said, ‘OK, but I need some coffee first’”
"Just call me the little engine that said, 'OK, but I need some coffee first'" is a jocular work saying that has been printed on many images. The Little Engine That Could is an…
“I was feeding cannabis-laced brownies to the seabirds. No tern was left unstoned”
"No stone left unturned" is a popular idiom. "No tern left unstoned" is a spoonerism. "The professional punster leaves no phrase unturned as in the case of him who said of…
“Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?” (joke)
The expression "in the long run" means "over a long period of time" and does not usually refer to long runs, but there are jokes. A marathoner riddle is: Q: Why does someone who…
“What is the most expensive video-streaming service at this time?”/“College.”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many colleges to switch to remote learning. A riddle was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on October 7, 2020: Q: What is the most expensive video-streaming…