“2020 has shown me you don’t need fun to have alcohol”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic led to many people quarantining at home. Liquor stores were left open, and many people drank. "Quarantine has shown me that you really don’t need fun to…
Archive for 04/2020
“The drop in fuel prices during the lockdown is like a bald man winning a hairbrush”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in gas prices going down, but people were locked in their homes and couldn't go anywhere. "The drop in petrol price during the lockdown is like…
“Quarantine has really showed me you don’t need fun to have alcohol”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic led to many people quarantining at home. Liquor stores were left open, and many people drank. "Quarantine has shown me that you really don’t need fun to…
“Why is an empty champagne bottle like an orphan?”/“Because it has lost its pop.”
A champagne riddle is: Q: Why is an empty champagne bottle like an orphan?A: Because it has lost its pop The joke has been cited in print since at least 1870. Google BooksThe “Hokey Pokey” Joke…
“Grocery shopping has become a real life version of PAC-Man. Avoid everyone, get the fruit”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic made grocery shopping a new experience. This was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts -- but later removed by moderators -- on March 22, 2020: "Grocery…
“Bologna is a hot dog for people who like pancakes”
Bologna has frequently been compared to hot dogs. "I figured bologna was basically a cold, flat hot dog" was posted on the newsgroup rec.food.cooking on February 5, 1998. "Unrelated:…
“Now that the gyms are closed, this summer is going to be about personalities”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many gyms to close. Many people got out of shape. "So if gyms close because of Coronavirus, should I stop working on my summer body and start working…
“Days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today & nextday”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic made days flow together for many people. "Hours now don’t exist, days are split into 4 sections: Coffee, Midfood, Latefood & Sleep. Days don’t have…
“Ran out of toilet paper and now using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused panic buying and shortages of toilet paper. "Had to use lettuce as I’d run out of toilet paper today. I'll tell you this and I'll tell you…
“Now that the gyms are closed, this summer is going to be about personality”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many gyms to close. Many people got out of shape. "So if gyms close because of Coronavirus, should I stop working on my summer body and start working…
“Churches and the casinos are closed. When heaven and hell both agree on something…it’s serious”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic wasn’t taken seriously by some. “People keep asking me, ’Is COVID-19 REALLY that serious?’ Listen y’all, the casinos and churches are closed. When…
“‘Muffins’ spelled backwards is ‘Sniffum’”
"Do you realize that 'Muffins' spelled backwards is 'Sniffum'?" was posted on the newsgroup alt.games.subspace on October 30, 1998. "Sniffum" sounds like…
“Everything is closing so I’m opening a strip club/breakfast diner/daycare: Tits, Grits & Babysits”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic closed many businesses. "I'm opening a strip club/breakfast diner/daycare center..... Calling it.. TITS GRITS AND WE BABYSITS!" was posted on…
“Coronavirus & allergy season: I don’t know if I should buy Zyrtec or turn myself in to the CDC”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic had some people confusing the symptoms with seasonal allergies. "Who the hell put Corona virus and allergy season in the same month? I don’t know if I…
“If they had just called it ‘the stay at home challenge’ and posted it on social media…”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic forced many people to stay at home. "If they had just called it 'the stay at home challenge' and posted it on Facebook then the virus would be gone…
“What is muffins spelled backwards?”/“Exactly what you do when you take them out the oven.”
"Do you realize that 'Muffins' spelled backwards is 'Sniffum'?" was posted on the newsgroup alt.games.subspace on October 30, 1998. "Sniffum" sounds like…
“I went into the local library and asked if they had any books on the Titanic” (joke)
Books about the Titanic should not be confused with books on the Titanic, but there are jokes. This was posted on the Sickipedia website on April 15, 2012 (the 100th anniversary of the ship's…
“Wear your mask at home. This is not to avoid the virus. It’s to avoid the constant eating”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many people to wear surgical masks when they left the home. "Please wear a mask at home too. Especially when you are all alone. It will stop you from…
“It started with a bat, went quickly to toilet paper… We’ve all gone bat, shit, crazy”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic, according to one theory, began when someone in China ate a bat. In the United States, there was panic buying of toilet paper. "It started with a bat, went…
“I got so pissed last night, I don’t remember getting home from the kitchen” (quarantine)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic forced many people to stay at home in quarantine. "It's driving me crazy not going out. I was that pissed last night I don't remember getting home…