“What do Santa’s elves learn at school?”/“The elfabet.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: What do Santa's elves learn at school?A: The elfabet. The "elfabet" (elf + alphabet) pun was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on November 26, 1999. The…
Archive for 12/2017
Fake Bureau of Investigation (Federal Bureau of Investigation or FBI nickname)
The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) has been perceived by many to have a political agenda to its investigations. The FBI has been called the "Fake Bureau of Investigation" by those…
“A bad football team is like an old bra—no cups and very little support”
A popular quotation about soccer (football) is: "A bad football team is like an old bra -- no cups and very little support." The sports saying has been cited in print since at least 1998…
“What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot?”/“Get out of my face.”
A snowman often has a carrot for a nose. A riddle is: Q: What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot?A: "Get out of my face." The riddle was posted on Twitter on October 13, 2014.…
“Why did the teacher write on the window?”/“Because she wanted the lesson to be very clear.”
A school riddle is: Q: Why did the teacher write on the window?A: Because she wanted the lesson to be very clear. "Why did the teacher write on the window? He wanted his lesson to be…
“If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?”
"If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?" is a joke on police Miranda warnings that has been printed on many images. The saying has been cited in…
“What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?”/“A pineapple.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?A: A pineapple. The joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.puns on December 27, 2002. “What do you get…
“Food is just a tasty laxative”
"Food is just a tasty laxative" was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on December 5, 2017. The "tasty laxative" saying has usually been used for specific types of food.…
“I made chili con carne from Scratch. I’ll miss Scratch. He was a good dog!”
Some home-cooked meals are said to be made "from scratch." "My Korean girlfriend made me dinner earlier.... a pie made from scratch. Gutted. Bloody loved that dog" is a joke…
“If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?”
Parsley is often used as a garnish. "If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?" is a pun that has been printed on many images. American comedian Bruce Baum said in July…
“What Christmas carol is a favorite of parents?”/“Silent Night.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: What Christmas carol is a favorite of parents?A: Silent Night. That is, parents prefer silence. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2001. Wikipedia: Silent…
“Why did the woman wear a helmet at the dinner table?”/“She was on a crash diet.”
A riddle about a "crash" diet (an extreme diet) is: Q: Why did the woman wear a helmet at the dinner table?A: She was on a crash diet. Forms of the riddle have been cited in print since…
“I’m going to hire the same landscaper I used last year. He was easy to get a lawn with”
"Easy to get a lawn with" sounds like "easy to get along with." "Easy to get a lawn with" was used by a seed company in an advertisement in the New York (NY) Times on…
“Do you have reservations?”/“Yes, but I’ll eat here anyway.”
Some people have reservations for a restaurant, while others have reservations about a restaurant. A popular joke has been cited in print since at least 1975: RESTAURANT HOST OR HOSTESS: Do you…
“How do you know when Santa is in the room?”/“You can sense his presents.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: How do you know when Santa is in the room?A: You can sense his presents (presence). The joke has been cited in print since at least 2010. Twitter Seth Caddell…
“How many NCAA players does it take to change a light bulb?” (joke)
A joke about college athletes is: Q: How many NCAA basketball players does it take to change a light bulb?A: One. But he gets nine credits, $3,000, and a new car for it. The joke was posted on the…
“Don’t stress if someone says you are fat. You are bigger than that”
The expression "to be bigger than" means that someone is "above" a small matter. "My mate asked me if he should punch the guy who told him he was fat as a walrus. I said,…
“What kind of food does your toe eat?”/“Dori-toes.”
Doritos (tortilla chips) aren't Dory's toes, but there have been several jokes. "Doritoes? Okay. Eat these toes! With dori on emmm" was posted on Twitter on August 19, 2012.…
“How many NCAA players does it take to change a lightbulb?” (joke)
A joke about college athletes is: Q: How many NCAA basketball players does it take to change a light bulb?A: One. But he gets nine credits, $3,000, and a new car for it. The joke was posted on the…
Hand Money Over (HMO nickname)
Many people have found that health maintenance organizations (HMOs) are expensive. The HMO backronym (back acronym) of "Hand Money Over" has been cited in print since at least 1996.…