“A mother gave birth during flight. The baby was airborne”
The word "airborne" has had some born-on-an-airplane "air born" puns. "My doctor friend helped deliver a baby during a flight, it's safe to say the baby was…
Archive for 11/2017
“Co-workers are like Christmas lights. Half of them don’t work; the other half aren’t bright”
Various people have been compared to Christmas lights. "Glaswegians are like Christmas lights,half of them don’t work and most of the rest aren’t that bright" was posted on Twitter on…
“How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?” (flute joke)
A flute riddle is: Q: How do you cover 12 holes with one hole? A: Take a flute and shove it up your ass. A form of the joke was posted on the newsgroup AFMC Group A Batch on March 29, 2012. Google…
“What cheese has a bit of alcohol problem?”/“Livarot.”
A riddle about Livarot cheese -- that some people pronounce as "liver rot," although that is not the correct French -- is: Q: What cheese has a bit of alcohol problem?A: Livarot. The…
“Liberals are like Christmas lights. Half of them don’t work; the other half aren’t bright”
Various people have been compared to Christmas lights. "Glaswegians are like Christmas lights,half of them don’t work and most of the rest aren’t that bright" was posted on Twitter on…
“A pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel…”
A version of how a pessimist, optimist and realist see things is a saying that has been printed on many images. This saying was posted on the newsgroup freeware news on April 20, 2007: "The…
“What kind of music does cheese listen to?”/“R&Brie.”
A cheese riddle is: Q: What kind of music does cheese listen to?A: R & Brie. "What Music appeals to most Cheese?... R & Brie" was posted on Twitter on November 23, 2012. The…
“I’m not yawning. I’m doing face yoga”
"I'm not yawning. I'm doing face yoga" is a jocular saying that has been printed on a T-shirt. "I'm not yawning. I'm doing face yoga" was posted on Twitter…
“What do you call a clock’s signature?”/“It’s John Hanclock.”
A pun about a time signature was posted on Twitter by "jolly dad jokes" on November 28, 2017: Q: What do you call a clock's signature?A: It's John Hanclock. The portmanteau…
“Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?”/“Because he had low elf esteem.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?A: Because he had low elf esteem. The low "elf" esteem pun (on "self" esteem) has been cited in print…
“If you operate a drill press, you have a boring job”
A pun on "boring job" was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.puns on September 23, 2000: "If you operate a drill press, you have a boring job. (Pun of the Day)" "Digging…
“What do fish need to stay healthy?”/“Vitamin Sea.”
"Vitamin Sea" is a fish pun for "Vitamin C." "Vitamin Sea" has been cited in print since at least 1938. "Vitamin Sea" riddles have been cited in print since…
“What is Frosty’s favorite dinner?”/“Spaghetti and snowballs.”
The dish of spaghetti and meatballs sometimes becomes "spaghetti and snowballs" in winter months. "ICED SPAGHETTI AND SNOWBALLS AGAIN?" was published in the Li'l Abner…
“Two penguins walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A penguin version is: "Two penguins walk into a bar, and the bartender says,…
“Digging tunnels is a boring job”
A pun on "boring job" was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.puns on September 23, 2000: "If you operate a drill press, you have a boring job. (Pun of the Day)" "Digging…
“What do you call a clock’s signature?”/“It’s John Hanclock.”
A pun about a time signature was posted on Twitter by "jolly dad jokes" on November 28, 2017: Q: What do you call a clock's signature?A: It's John Hanclock. The portmanteau…
“Absolutely despicable that gingerbread men are forced to live in houses made of their own flesh”
Gingerbread men live in gingerbread houses. A one-line saying was posted on Twitter by "regluar name" on December 9, 2015: "Absolutely despicable that gingerbread men are forced…
“Man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head” (joke)
A strawberry-and-cream joke is: "A man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head. The doctor says, 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'" The joke was…
“Rights are not gifts from government”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikiquote: Thomas JeffersonThomas Jefferson (13 April 1743 – 4 July 1826) was author of the Declaration of Independence (1776) and the Virginia Statute for Religious…
“What’s the difference between a politician and a snail?” (joke)
What's the difference between a politician and a snail? A politics joke was posted to the newsgroup eunet.jokes on November 14, 1994: "Gerold's pronouncement: The difference between…