“To lose weight, go to a paint store. You can get thinner there”
There's a popular weight loss joke: "To lose weight, go to a paint store. You can get thinner there." "Sign in paint store: Want to get thinner? Try ours -- 98c a gallon"…
Archive for 05/2016
“How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?”/“Tenants.”
"Tenants" is a word that sets up the obvious joke: Q: How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?A: Ten ants (tenants). "How many ants make a landlord? 10 ants (tenants)" was…
“What’s the difference between unlawful and illegal?” (joke)
A popular joke about legal definitions is: Q: What's the difference between "unlawful" and "illegal"?A: "Unlawful" means "against the law."…
“What was Beethoven’s favorite fruit?”/“Ba-na-na-na.”
German composer Ludwig van Beethoven (1770-1827) wrote his Symphony No. 5 with the now-famous beginning of four notes -- "short-short-short-long." There's a joke: Q: What is…
“To lose weight, go to a paint store. You can get thinner there”
There's a popular weight loss joke: "To lose weight, go to a paint store. You can get thinner there." "Sign in paint store: Want to get thinner? Try ours -- 98c a gallon"…
“I saw a hot dog vendor today…” (joke)
There is a difference between a "hot dog vendor" and a hot "dog vendor." There's a joke: "I saw a hot dog vendor today... She was good looking, but I don't really…
Manhattan’s Other Island (Roosevelt Island)
Roosevelt Island is, along with Manhattan, part of New York County. The Roosevelt Island Development Corporation prepared Roosevelt Island for residential apartments in the 1970s and published…
“Waiter: This is duck soup. Diner: No! It’s watered down!”
Some restaurant soups are watered down, and there's a pun: Customer: Waiter, this soup is too weak.Waiter: But sir, it's our best duck soup. Customer: Oh no it isn't! It's…
“What do you call a cow with a twitch?”/“Beef jerky.”
A popular joke about beef jerky is: Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch?A: Beef jerky. There are slight variations in the first line of the joke, but the "beef jerky" answer is always…
“What is a hermit?”/“A girl’s baseball glove.”
A children's pun about baseball equipment is: Q: What is a hermit?A: A girl's baseball glove. The "hermit/her mitt" joke has been cited in print since at least 1979. The joke…
“The cannibal had a wife and ate kids”
A popular cannibal pun is: "The cannibal had a wife and ate (eight) kids." American author and English teacher Richard Lederer wrote in Get Thee to a Punnery (1988): "Have you heard…
“Why did the cookie cry?”/“Because his mother was a wafer so long.”
A popular cookie pun is: Q: Why did the cookie cry?A: Because his mother was a wafer so long (away for so long). "I call my baby 'Nabisco' because he's been a wafer so…
“How do you make a salad wrap?”/“Add some beets.”
"Wrap" (sandwich) is often used in a pun with "rap" (music). One joke is: Q: How do you make a salad wrap?A: Add some beets. "How do you make a salad wrap? You drop a fat…
“Which is faster, hot or cold?”/“Hot, because you can catch a cold”
"Cold" (temperature) and "cold" (sickness) have been used in several puns, including this old standard: Q: Which is fastest, hot or cold?A: Hot, because you can catch a cold.…
“9/11 jokes aren’t funny. They’re just plane wrong”
Jokes about the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on New York City's World Trade Center are numerous, although not politically correct. One popular joke is: "9/11 jokes aren't…
“9/11 jokes aren’t funny. But the other 2 are”
Jokes about the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on New York City's World Trade Center are numerous, although not politically correct. One popular joke is: "9/11 jokes aren't…
“Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert”
The book The Dictionary According to Mommy (1989), by Joyce Armor, contains this definition: "Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert." A "dumbwaiter"…
“Why did the chicken go to the gym?”/“To work on his pecks.”
Many people go to the gym to work on their "pecs" (pectoral muscles) and there's a pun: Q: Why did the chicken go to the gym?A: To work on his pecks (pecs). "Why did the chicken…
“What does a redneck and yeast have in common?”/“They are both in bread.”
A popular redneck joke is: Q: What does a redneck and yeast have in common?A: They are both in bread (inbred). "Q:What do a redneck and yeast have in common? A:They're both found with…
“What can you serve but never eat?”/“A tennis ball.”
A popular children's tennis pun is: Q: What can you serve but never eat?A: A tennis ball. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1968 (when the answer was a ping-pong ball). 9 March…