“I failed to make the chess team because of my height”
Bronx-born comedian, author and film director Woody Allen joked in 1964: "I failed to make the chess team because of my height." A young Woody Allen was short, but he was athletic and…
Archive for 10/2015
“Every time someone goes into a deli and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies”
Pastrami on rye, with mustard, is a classic New York Jewish deli dish. A popular joke has a non-Jew entering a deli and ordering a pastrami sandwich -- on white bread, with mayonnaise. "He…
“The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip”
"The horse I bet on was so slow," an old joke goes, "that the jockey kept a diary of the trip." The joke was credited to Jewish-American singer and actor Al Jolson (1886-1950)…
“What a teacher writes on the blackboard of life can never be erased”
"What a teacher writes on the blackboard of life can never be erased" is a saying that has been printed on many images, usually showing the saying in chalk on a blackboard. The saying has…
Great Divider
Entry in progress -- B.P. Urban DictionaryThe great dividerA term used to describe President Obama. Before coming to office he said he was going to unite the nation, yet all he has done since is…
“The bigger the base, the higher in space” (Wall Street adage)
"The bigger the base, the higher in space" is a stock market technician's adage. Alan Shaw, and analyst at Smith Barney, Harris Upham & Co., said in 1985 that he had two…
“I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back”
"To go the extra mile" means to do extra work. It doesn't mean to escape work, but there's a popular joke: "I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always…
“The bigger the top, the bigger the drop” (Wall Street adage)
"The bigger the top, the bigger the drop" is a stock market technician's adage. Alan Shaw and Robert Colby, analysts at Smith Barney, Harris Upham & Co., used the adage in 1984…
“I childproofed the house, but they still get in”
To "waterproof" a house is to make sure that no water gets inside. To "childproof" a house, however, means that the house is a safe environment for children. A popular joke is:…
“Gym update: Not there”
Some people post personal gym workout updates on social media. "Gym update: Not there" was cited on Twitter on January 2, 2014. The status update joke has been printed on T-shirts.…
“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early”
"No man goes before his time -- unless the boss has left early" is a jocular line that has been cited in print since at least 1952. Citations in 1952 and 1953 did not show the name of a…
“Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does”
"Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does" is a witty line that was credited to editor Bill Targ (1907-1999) in 1946. "The trouble with the…
“How can they both be right?”/“You’re right, too.”
A popular joke is frequently told about when a judge (or a rabbi) hears a case, telling both sides that they're right. A listener asks how both sides can be right, and the judge (or rabbi)…
“Military justice is to justice what military music is to music”
Entry in progress -- B.P. [This entry was prepared with research assistance from the Quote Investigator.] Wikiquote: Georges ClemenceauGeorges Benjamin Clemenceau (28 September 1841 – 24 November…
Ithaca: Ithaca is Gorges (slogan)
Ithaca, New York is known for being the home of Cornell University, but the city wanted to advertise its natural beauty of waterfalls and gorges. Ithaca resident and Cornell graduate Howard S.…
“Make your parents proud, your enemies jealous, and yourself happy”
"Make your parents proud, your enemies jealous, and yourself happy" is a popular saying that evolved on Twitter. "Make your parents proud, and if you can't do that, at least…
“Too caustic? To hell with the cost, we’ll make the picture anyway”
Polish-American movie producer Samuel Goldwyn (1879-1974) was known for his malapropisms, or "Goldwynisms." In August and September 1934, several stories emerged about Goldwyn in a…
“Anyone who goes to see a psychiatrist should have his head examined”
Polish-American movie producer Samuel Goldwyn (1879-1974) was known for his malapropisms, or "Goldwynisms." Syndicated Hollywood columnist reported in June 1948: "Stop me if…
“It’s not over until you shake hands” (hockey, tennis adage)
Tennis players often shake hands at the end of a match. Hockey players in the Stanley Cup playoffs shake hands at the end of a series. "It's not over until you shake hands" is an…
“Hotel — A place where you pay dollars for quarters”
"Living quarters" is not the same term as a "quarter" that equals twenty-five cents. However, a hotel pun involving "quarters" has been popular since the 1890s.…