“If sleep is so important, then why does school start so early?”
"If sleep is so important, then why does school start so early?" is a jocular one-line school saying that has been printed on many images. Many schools start the day before 9 a.m.…
Alphebetical for "i"
“If smoking is so bad for you, how come it cures salmon?”
"If smoking is so bad for you, how come it cures salmon?" is a funny one-line saying. The joke was printed in "Your Morning Smile" in The Globe and Mail (Toronto, Ontario) on…
“If snow is made of water and water has no calories, how come snowmen are fat?”
"If snow is made of water and water has no calories, how come snowmen are fat?" is a jocular winter question. The one-liner was posted on Twitter by FunnyOneLiners on December 13,…
“If socialist college professors believed their own propaganda, wouldn’t they teach for free?”
"If socialist college professors believed their own propaganda, wouldn't they teach for free?" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "IF SOCIALIST COLLEGE PROFESSORS…
“If someone has a pasta fetish, do they call it fetishinni?”
Fettuccine (a type of pasta) isn't composed of fetishes, but there are jokes. "Fetishini Alfredo #failedmenuitems" was posted on Twitter by VCTF on November 17, 2010. "Do…
“If someone is videotaping a person in a mask, is that a masking tape?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in some requirements to wear face masks. Masking tape is not necessarily just for face masks, but there are jokes. "If I tear my mask, can I use…
“If someone says that they are short staffed at work, does that mean only midgets work there?”
An organization that is "short-staffed" is short of staff; the organizaton doesn't necessary have workers who aren't tall. "Are restaurants with Dwarf Waiters short…
“If someone steals my identity, I really hope they pay off my debt”
"If someone steals my identity, I really hope they pay off my debt" is a jocular saying that has been printed on an ecard. "Although, if someone steals my identity, they have to pay…
“If someone tells you that you drink too much coffee, stop talking to them”
"If anybody/anyone/somebody/someone tells you that you drink too much coffee, stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life" is a jocular coffee saying…
“If someone throws a stone at you, throw a flower at them—with the flower pot”
"If someone throws a stone at you, throw a flower at them But remember to throw the flower pot with it" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on…
“If someone wants you, nothing will keep them away”
"If someone wants you, nothing can keep them away. If they don't want you, nothing can make them stay" was cited in print in 2004 and is of unknown authorship. Several numbered…
“If something cannot go on forever, it will stop” (Stein’s Law)
Economist Herbert Stein (1916-1999) wrote in 1986: "But if it can't go on forever it will stop. And if we never do anything that we can't go on doing forever we will never do very…
“If something here offends you, please let us know. We can all use a good laugh”
"If something here offends you, please let us know. We can all use a good laugh" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If Something Here Offends You, Please Let Us Know,…
“If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is”
"If it sounds too good to be true, it usually is" was a catchphrase used by the Better Business Bureau to alert the public to shady business practices. The phrase was used since at least…
“If speaking kindly to plants helps them grow, imagine what speaking kindly to humans can do”
"If speaking kindly to plants helps them grow, imagine what speaking kindly to humans can do" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If speaking kindly to plants helps…
“If statists can’t even fix potholes effectively, how can they promise to fix an entire planet?”
"Statism is the belief that a group of people who can't fix potholes can fix an entire planet" is an anti-government saying that has been pritned on several images. "STATISM IS…
“If steak were a religion, this would be its cathedral” (Smith & Wollensky)
The Smith & Wollensky steakhouse at Third Avenue and 49th Street began in 1977. There are now other restaurants in Boston, Chicago, Columbus, Dallas, Houston, Las Vegas, Miami Beach,…
“If stealing 100% of the product of someone’s labor is slavery, at what percentage is it not?”
"Slavery: If stealing 100% of the product of someone's labor is slavery, at what percentage is it not slavery?" is a saying that has been printed on several images. The saying is…
“If steroids aren’t allowed in sports, why is makeup allowed in beauty pageants?”
"If drugs/steroids aren't allowed in sports, why is makeup allowed in beauty contests/pageants?" is a question that has been printed on many images. "If steroids aren't…
“If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel”
"If stress burned calories, I'd be a supermodel" is a jocular one-line saying about stress that has been printed on many images. "If stress burned calories, I’d be a size…