“Do Your Own Due Diligence” (DYODD)
"Due diligence" is a term that dates from at least 1598 in the Oxford English Dictionary, meaning "appropriate, sufficient, or proper care and attention." "Do Your Own Due…
Alphebetical for "d"
“Do your talking on the field”
"Do your talking on the field/court" means that one should concentrate less on the sportswriters and concentrate more on the performance, letting that speak for itself. "He prefers…
“Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?”/“No, they eat fingers separately.”
A popular Halloween riddle about how zombies (or monsters) eat is: Q: Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?A: No, they eat the fingers separately. The joke has been cited in print since at…
“Doc, I have lettuce sticking out of my bum.”/“Sorry, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg.”
Iceberg lettuce has had several "iceberg" jokes. One joke has a patient seeing a doctor: PATIENT: Doctor, I have lettuce sticking out of my bum. Is my condition serious?DOCTOR: I'm…
“Doc, I’m addicted to Twitter!”/“Sorry, I don’t follow you.”
A popular joke about Twitter is: Patient: Doctor, I'm addicted to Twitter. Doctor: I'm sorry, I don't follow you. The joke was first cited on Twitter on February 7, 2011.…
“Doctor says alcoholism is a disease. Bartender says get your shots here”
"Alcoholism is a disease. Get your shots here!" is a jocular bar saying that has been printed on an image. "Bar sign in Casper: Alcoholism is a disease. Get your shots at…
“Doctor told me my sugar level is too high… So I move the sugar container to a lower shelf!”
A joke about "blood sugar level" mistakes that term for the shelf that sugar is stored on. "Doctor told my Friend her sugar is too high she move her sugar container to a lower…
“Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!” (joke)
"Parkinson's disease" has nothing to do with "parking," but there are jokes. "Parking-sons Disease Forgetting where you've parked your car" was entered in…
“Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a hotel.”/“Can I examine you?”/“Be my guest.”
A hotel joke is: DISTURBED PERSON: Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a hotel.DOCTOR: Can I examine you?DISTURBED PERSON: Be my guest. The joke was posted on Twitter on November 26, 2015.…
“Doctor, when do you think Covid19 will be over?”/“I don’t know. I’m not a journalist.”
Many people believed that the COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic was over-hyped by the media. A popular meme shows a patient with a doctor. Patient: Doctor, when do you think Covid19 will be…
“Doctor, why do I toot like a motorcycle?”/“Because abscess makes the fart go Honda.”
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is an old proverb. A shortened version of a parody is: Patient: Doctor, why do I toot like a motorcycle?Doctor: Because abscess makes the fart go…
“Doctor: Do you smoke? Me: Yes. Mostly brisket, some ribs.”
"Do you smoke?" is a common question a doctor asks a patient. "Yes, mostly brisket, some ribs" is a jocular answer. "'Do you smoke?' Yeah. Brisket, turkey,…
“Doctor: Don’t eat anything fatty” (joke)
A popular fat joke is: DOCTOR: Don't eat anything fattyME: What!? No pizza? No burgers?DOCTOR: No fatty, just don't eat. "My doctor told me I couldn't eat anything too fatty,…
“Doctor: Eating a lot of cinnamon will help you lose weight. Me at the bakery: 10 cinnamon rolls, please!”
Some doctors believe that cinnamon helps for weight control -- so patients can then order a lot of cinnamon rolls? This is just a food joke because no one eats cinnamon rolls to lose weight.…
“Doctor: Have you had any unexplained weight gain over the past year? Me: No, there are explanations.”
Doctors often ask about any "explained weight gain," but a patient usually knows where the fat came from. This joke was posted on X/Twitter by Just Me…Dee🐟 on December 17, 2023:…
“Doctor: This may hurt. Me: June doesn’t look much better”
"doctor: this may hurt / me: tbh june was worse imo" is a joke that was posted on X/Twitter by the notorious ana on July 4, 2022. "doctor: this may hurt/ me: june doesn't look…
“Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a bridge!” (joke)
"What's come over you?" is an expression not to be taken literally, but there are jokes. This was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on March 23, 1994: Patient: Doctor doctor, I feel…
“Doctor’s offices be like, ‘Show up 15 minutes early so the doctor can see you 45 minutes late’”
"Why doctors offices be like get there 15 minutes early why you're not even about to get seen until 45 minutes after your appointment time? 😡" was posted on X/Twitter by treena on…
“Doctors bury their mistakes; journalists put theirs on the front page”
A newspaper prints its mistakes for all to see. "Doctors bury their mistakes three feet under ground; lawyers six feet above it; merchants tie theirs up in packages; farmers palm theirs off on…
“Doctors pour drugs of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less”
"Doctors pour drugs of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, into human beings of whom they know nothing" was credited to the French writer and philosopher…