“I’m never sure if I actually have free time or if I just keep forgetting stuff”
"I'm never sure if I actually have free time or if I'm just forgetting everything I have to do" (or "I'm never sure if I actually have free time or if I just keep…
“I like to refer to horrible decisions I’ve made in the past by saying ‘yeah, that was a weird time in my life’’”
Many people try to dismiss something as part of a strange time in their lives -- then they admit that it's all been strange, at all times. "I love to dismiss my horrible decisions by…
“I love to dismiss my horrible decisions by saying ‘yeah that was a weird time in my life’”
Many people try to dismiss something as part of a strange time in their lives -- then they admit that it's all been strange, at all times. "I love to dismiss my horrible decisions by…
“I’m never sure if I actually have free time or if I just keep forgetting shit”
"I'm never sure if I actually have free time or if I'm just forgetting everything I have to do" (or "I'm never sure if I actually have free time or if I just keep…
“A limbo dancer married a locksmith. The wedding was low key”
The term "low key" doesn't mean a key that is placed low, but there are jokes. "A Limbo dancer married a Locksmith yesterday... ...the wedding was low key" was posted on…
“‘Daddy, I want mommy’ is a kid’s version of ‘I wanna speak to your manager”
An adult in a store often wants to speak to the manager. For many children, the "manager" they want to speak to is mommy, not daddy. "'I want Mommy' is the Young Sir’s…
“What’s the opposite of potatoes?”/“Potafingers.”
There are potatoes, but not potafingers. "Toes" and "fingers" -- get the joke? "RT @NMcShake: Potatoes or potafingers" was posted on X/Twitter by Lama on November 13,…
“What’s the opposite of tomatoes?”/“Tomafingers.”
There are tomatoes, but no tomafingers. "Toes" and "fingers" -- get the joke? "tomatoes are descended from the now extinct tomafingers" was posted on X/Twitter by tom…
“Tomatoes imply the existence of tomafingers”
There are tomatoes, but no tomafingers. "Toes" and "fingers" -- get the joke? "tomatoes are descended from the now extinct tomafingers" was posted on X/Twitter by tom…
“Potatoes imply the existence of potafingers”
There are potatoes, but not potafingers. "Toes" and "fingers" -- get the joke? "RT @NMcShake: Potatoes or potafingers" was posted on X/Twitter by Lama on November 13,…
“Most people are assholes. Don’t believe me? Next time you see a group of people, yell out, ‘Hey, asshole!’”
"Most people are assholes. Don't believe me? Next time you see a group of people, yell out, 'Hey, asshole!' They'll turn and look" is a jocular saying that has been…
“I identify as a potato because I like to be baked & smashed”
"I identify as a potato because I like to be baked & smashed" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. That is, stoned ("baked") and drunk…
“My friend rang me and asked me what I was doing. I said, ‘Probably failing my driving test!’”
"RT @sickipediabot: My mate rang me and asked 'What're you doing at the moment?' I said 'Probably failing my driving test'" was posted on X/Twitter by Eve on…
“What do you mean a baguette isn’t a female bag?”
"Baguette" is not French for "female bag," but there are jokes. "just learned a new word--douche baguette- for when there exists a female douche bag lol" was posted on…
“Life is like a shoe, you cannot drink a cow because the earth is carrot”
A motivational speaker often says the phase "Life is like a ...," and this has led to many jocular formations of compounded nonsense sayings. The sayings/proverbs appear to be African,…
“Life is like a door, you pass through the window and eat bread, but onions can never become chair”
"Life is like a door, you pass through the window and eat bread, but onions can never become chair" is a nonsensical saying that has been printed on many images. The saying means that…
“I just dropped a heavy box of berries on my foot. Now I cranberry walk”
"Cranberry" can sound like "can barely," and there are jokes. "I cranberry walk after this drink!!!!" was posted on X/Twitter by Cory Thielen on November 22, 2012.…
“I dropped a heavy box of cranberries on my leg. Now I cranberry walk”
"Cranberry" can sound like "can barely," and there are jokes. "I cranberry walk after this drink!!!!" was posted on X/Twitter by Cory Thielen on November 22, 2012.…
“The road to hell is paved with inspirational quotes on social media”
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions" is a proverb dating to at least the 1820s. "The road to hell is paved with inspirational quotes on social media" was posted on…
“I dropped a bowl of fruit on my foot. Now I cranberry walk”
"Cranberry" can sound like "can barely," and there are jokes. "I cranberry walk after this drink!!!!" was posted on X/Twitter by Cory Thielen on November 22, 2012.…